Confused Destiny's?
by Lorelei6
Summary: Lily Evens has had a crush on James Potter since 1st year. Well, it's 7th year and she's finally gotten over infatuation and moved on. Meanwhile, James discovers that the very thing he was waiting for was just in front of him.
1. And The Story Begins

Okay guys. Here's that stupid declaimer we hve to put up: J.K. Rowling owns the characters. Blah, blah, blah, I just thought of the plot. Blah, blah, blah. The end of my disclaimer.  
  
  
  
Yes. I'm finally coming home. I can see my real family again. The people who really care about me, Lily thought as she got out of the cab that dropped her off at King's Cross. She looked around, trying to see if any of my friends were around. Dejectedly, she steered her trolley towards Platform 9. She quickly glanced around to see if any Muggles were watching and ran through the barrier. As soon as Lily reached Platform 9 ¾, she was greeted by one of her best friends, Sol Henderson.  
  
"Hey, Lily! How's it going? I already got a compartment. I haven't seen anymore of the gang though. How was your summer? Mine was great! I finally got to go to Paris," Sol happily chattered. Normally, Lily was a talkative person, but she was perfectly content to just listen to Sol for the moment. "Hey, look! It's Sirius! YO! SIRIUS! OVER HERE!" Sol exclaimed, wildly waving her arms trying to get Sirius Black's attention.  
  
He looked up quickly, immediately recognizing the voice. "SOL! LILY!" Sirius exclaimed as he moved towards them. "Hey, guys. How's it going? Have you seen Remus? Or Peter? Or James?" Sirius asked, wondering about his three best friends.  
  
"No, we-"  
  
"Did I hear my name?" said a voice directly behind Lily. She turned around and found myself looking up into the face of James Harold Potter. Lily, like the rest of the female population at Hogwarts, had a crush on him. But, unlike the rest of the female population at Hogwarts, she overcame her infatuation for the most eligible man at the school.  
  
"Yeah, you did Jamesie. Have you seen Remus or Peter around?" Sirius asked.  
  
"Peter was right behind me a second ago . . . Oh, there he is. It appears that even after summer break, the Marauders still have their charm," James declared after seeing his pal surrounded by girls.  
  
"Yeah, it seems that you still have your reputation, my friend," she turned to see her friend Cassandra Weeks smirking at the group. "I just heard a pack of girls sighing over how you're so sexy and they would die to snog with you."  
  
"I bet. And I know you're on the list of my admirers, Cass," he said as he pulled her into a friendly hug.  
  
"Sure, you keep thinking that. Your ego needs it. Hey, Lily! I didn't notice you there. How's it going?" Suddenly, all eyes were on Lily.  
  
"I just be she was held speechless by my extreme handsomeness," James announced, putting his arm around her shoulders. Everyone here knew that she had a terrible crush on James.  
  
"Sorry, James. My taste in guys has been, changed," Lily said as she moved his arm off of her.  
  
"Come on, Lil. You don't really mean that," he said as he grabbed her shoulders.  
  
"Yeah, I do. Hey, it's Remus," Lily said, instantly brightening. Remus Lupin always made her smile. "Hey, sexy," she declared as she made her way over to him.  
  
"Hey, Lily. How's life?" Remus asked as he gave her a hug.  
  
"Pretty good. And yours?"  
  
"Peachy keen. Seeing you always makes my day brighter. Hey, gang. Are we gonna just stand in here or get in the train?" Remus said to the group with his arm still around me. On a regular basis, he was the type of person who kept to himself, but whenever Lily was around, everybody noticed a change in Remus.  
  
"Oh, yeah. I saved us a compartment. Come on guys," Sol announced and beckoned for everyone to follow her.  
  
*~~~*~~~*~~~*~~~*~~~*  
  
The train ride was pretty much normal, but James seemed a little quieter than usual. He participated in all the playful pranks and laughed at all the jokes but made no attempt to make conversation.  
  
"Hey, Jamesie. Why are you so glum? You look a little down in the dumps," Sirius said after he plopped down next to James.  
  
"I dunno. Do you- nevermind."  
  
"Come on, Jamsie-poo. What's on your mind?"  
  
"It's nothing," James muttered, looking at Lily laughing with Remus.  
  
"Whatever. Hey, Sol! Wanna play a game of Exploding Snap?"  
  
"Sure," Sol replied.  
  
"Lily, do you want to play a game of Wizard's Chess with me?" Remus asked Lily.  
  
"Sure. I haven't played that in awhile. I've got a new set. Do you wanna use it?"  
  
"Okay," Remus said. Lily then noticed James staring at her and gave him a quick smile over her shoulder as she pulled out the new game. Quickly, James averted his eyes, slightly embarrassed to be caught staring. But he couldn't seem to help looking at Lily Evens. She had thick, wavy red hair and brilliant green eyes. James couldn't help but dwell on her comment from earlier. What did she mean when she said that her taste in guys has changed? Does she mean that she doesn't like me anymore? Impossible, he decided, nobody has a crush on a guy for six years then changes their mind. But then he remembered how Lily looked at Remus. Maybe she, no, she wouldn't! She wouldn't have a crush on Remus!  
  
"Yo! James!" Sirius said for the fifth time. "James! We're almost there! Yo!"  
  
"Huh? What?"  
  
"We're almost at Hogwarts. You better change."  
  
"Yeah, okay."  
  
What's wrong with him? Lily wondered. Maybe something happened over summer vacation. "It's your move, Lily."  
  
Startled, Lily looked up to see Remus's startling blue-gray eyes looking into hers. "Oh, thanks," she then turned her attention back to the game and smiled when she saw her final move. "Queen to C4. Checkmate, my friend."  
  
"What?! Now way! Man, how did that happen?" Remus declared. It seemed that Lily was the only person who could ever beat him.  
  
"Even after a summer without practice, I can still beat you, Remus," Lily declared.  
  
"No way! I still don't believe it!" he exclaimed, still studying the game.  
  
"Admit defeat, Lupin!"  
  
"Never, Evens!" Remus said, looking up with a twinkle in his eye.  
  
"Come on, kid. You lost. Admit it, you lost to a girl."  
  
"I'll make you take that back, Evens," he said menacingly, and headed over to me.  
  
Giggling, Lily tried to move out of the way, bur there wasn't much room to move in the compartment. "Remus, stop it. Stay away from me. I mean it," she said still giggling.  
  
"I'm gonna get you, Evens," he said and successfully trapped her in a corner.  
  
"Remus, what are you going to do. Remus, don't do anything rash," she said, trying to stay serious.  
  
"Rash my ass," he said and pinned her to the floor. Then he tickled her until she was begging for mercy.  
  
"Remus! Oh, stop it! I'm gonna hurl! Remus!" Lily said through peals of laughter and in between breaths.  
  
"Take it back, Evens! Take it back!" Remus demanded, still ruthlessly tickling her.  
  
"I take it back! You're better than I am! You're better then all girls!" she squealed loudly. Lily was still panting heavily when Remus stopped tickling her. "You're ruthless, Remus. Now get off of me so I can get up."  
  
"I don't think so, Lily," he whispered, as he leaned down. Just as he was about to kiss her, James knocked over the chess game. Remus jerked up and hurriedly got off of her.  
  
"Oops, sorry," James said as he grinned sheepishly. "Sorry if I interrupted anything."  
  
"No problem," Lily said with her head down and her cheeks flushed. Just then, the train stopped and she scrambled up. "I'll go get my bags. I'll see you at the feast," she murmured.  
  
"I wonder what's up with her," Sol whispered to Cassandra.  
  
"I don't know, but it's something pretty funky!" 


	2. A New Boyfriend

The Great Hall was silent, except for the applause, as the first years were sorted into their Houses. When the Sorting was finished, Professor Dumbledore stood to make one of his famous speeches. "Tomorrow you will start you're adventure in this new year. At this time, I'd like to announce the Head Boy and Head Girl. This year, both are from Gryffindor. They are James Potter and Lily Evens! James and Lily? Could you stand up please?" James, used to the attention, stood proudly and bowed greatly. Lily, however, was so surprised, Sol had to physically force her to stand. When it finally connected that she was Head Girl, Lily grinned broadly around the room and then sat down, her face beet red. "Let the feast begin!" Dumbledore announced and the plates magically filled up with food.  
  
"Congratulations, Lily," said a familiar voice near her ear. She looked up and saw Remus's beautiful eyes.  
  
"Uh, thanks, Remus," she said sheepishly. "Do you want to sit down?"  
  
"Sure. So," he started as he sat down, "did you have any idea that you were going to be Head Girl?"  
  
"Nope. I was totally surprised. Unlike James. I can tell he was totally expecting it," she said as she looked over at James who was basking in the attention.  
  
"Yeah. Speaking of James, could I ask you a personal question?" he asked, turning serious.  
  
"If you're wondering if I like James still, I don't," Lily said, looking down at her plate.  
  
"Yeah, that was it," Remus said quietly. Lily looked up to see he was looking at her with such attention that she couldn't turn her face away. He slowly moved in to kiss her. It was the softest of kisses, as if he was afraid to touch her. When he moved away, she still had her eyes closed. When she finally opened them, she saw Remus was looking at something just behind her.  
  
Lily turned and saw James looking at them. He had a look of disbelieve and shock on his face. Suddenly, it turned to hatred and he stormed out of the Great Hall. "What the-?"  
  
"I better go after him," Remus said softly.  
  
"Uh, okay," she replied, still confused. About five minutes after they left, she watched Sirius and Peter leave the feast also. Silently, Lily got up, murmured an excuse to Sol and left the Great Hall. Stopping outside, she figured the Marauders must have went to the Gryffindor common room. As she reached it, Lily heard raised voices, but couldn't quite make them out. Swallowing hard, she stated the password (Furnuculus) and the voices were immediately clear.  
  
"I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU, REMUS! WHAT DO YOU THINK YOU WERE DOING!?"  
  
"WHAT DO YOU MEAN? WHAT WAS I DOING? I WAS JUST KISSING HER!"  
  
"EXACTLY! WHY WERE YOU KISSING LILY EVENS?"  
  
"Uh, Jamsie-poo-" Sirius started when he saw me in the doorway.  
  
"DON'T YOU START WITH ME! THIS IS BETWEEN ME AND REMUS! NOW, BACK TO YOU! WHY WERE YOU KISSING HER?!"  
  
"BECAUSE I WANTED TO! I HAPPEN TO LIKE HER, SHE HAPPENS TO NOT LIKE YOU, SO I KISSED HER!"  
  
"BUT-"  
  
"EXCUSE ME!" Lily screamed from the doorway. All of a sudden, everybody turned and looked at her. "Thank you. I just wanted you to shut up so I could possibly get some sleep. Good night, Sirius."  
  
"Good night," he replied.  
  
"Good night, Peter."  
  
"Good night, Lily," Peter said, talking for the first time since he and Sirius entered the room.  
  
"Remus, could I speak with you?"  
  
"Sure, Lily," he said as he followed her up the stairs and into the lounge for the Head Boy and Girl's use.  
  
"Remus, what was that all about?" she asked in a harsh whisper.  
  
"Well, um, you see-"  
  
"Spit it out, Lupin," Lily demanded.  
  
"When James saw us kissing, he well, didn't like it overly much. You see, he still thought you liked him and he was kind of, uh, comfortable in that slot."  
  
"What does that mean?"  
  
"It means, Lily Evens, that James Potter likes you and doesn't like the idea of you liking other guys."  
  
"WHAT! JAMES POTTER LIKES ME! Oh, and isn't that damn convenient. Why couldn't he have liked me when I like him?! You know what? I don't even care. I don't care. I don't like him so why should I care?" Lily said, talking to herself and pacing about the room.  
  
"Lily? Lily. LILY!" Remus yelled when she didn't look up. When he finally did have her attention, he continued with what he was going to say. "Could it be that you do care and you're just in denial?"  
  
"What! No way. I overcame that infatuation months ago. Can't you tell? Can't you tell who I really like?" Lily asked, moving towards Remus.  
  
"Umm, let me take at wild guess. Could it be me?" he said with a smile and moving towards her, quickly closing the space between them.  
  
"Could be," she said as she put her arms around him and kissed him passionately. She leaned fully against him, and he pulled her as close as possible. Lily didn't even care when she could tell somebody was watching them.  
  
Only when she heard a shocked voice whisper "Lily" in disbelief did she move out of Remus's embrace. She saw James standing there with the same look she saw earlier, only with a pain so great in his eyes that she couldn't stand to look at him. "Lily, it's true. I didn't want to believe it, but it's true."  
  
"If you mean that I don't like you anymore, yeah, it's true. Now, I'd like to get to sleep if you two don't mind. Good night, Remus. I'll see you tomorrow. See you, James." Lily tried to brush past him, but he grabbed her arm, and him being 6'3" and her and measly 5'6", he was clearly the stronger.  
  
"Could I talk to you a moment, Lily? Alone?" he pleaded.  
  
"I've got nothing to say to you. Good night," she said, removing his hand and heading towards her dormitory. 


	3. The Romance Continues

Disclaimer: JK thought of the people in the story (some of them) and the plot is mine, all mine! (evil laugh) And on with the story:  
  
"I can't believe it!" Lily exclaimed as she paced her personal dormitory. "Ugh, the nerve of that man! After six years of me drooling over him, he doesn't say a word about him liking me! And the jerk knew that I liked him. And then goes after all those other girls like I meant nothing to him. And he has the gall to look hurt when I get with Remus! AARGH! HE'S SO AGGRAVATING!" Just then, someone knocked on her door. "Come in!"  
  
"Hey, Lils!" said Sirius as he entered the room. "Hey, nice pad," he commented, looking around the room.  
  
"Cut to the chase, Sirius. What do you want," Lily stated bluntly.  
  
"Well, this is sorta about you and Remus."  
  
"Yeah, what," she said, short temperdly. Redheads really do have ferocious tempers, and Sirius knew it.  
  
"Well, how serious are you guys?"  
  
"What do you care?"  
  
"Well, you know how James is. He's very, uh, protective," Sirius said, feeling slightly uncomfortable under the redhead's glare.  
  
"Protective? PROTECTIVE?! PROTECTIVE OF WHAT? I am not one of his many girls that will simply drool over him. I stopped being that since the end of the school year. I don't need to take this crap from him."  
  
"But, uh, Lily-"  
  
"Enough. I don't want to hear any more about this. Get out of my room, Sirius. NOW!'  
  
"Good night, Lily."  
  
"GOOD NIGHT!"  
  
*~~~*~~~*~~~*~~~*  
  
The next morning, Lily grumpily went down to the common room to see Sol, Cassandra, and the Marauders waiting for her. Oh, great, she thought as she saw James pointedly not looking at her, just what I need. James is going to ignore me now. And we've got to work together as Head Boy and Girl! Pasting a smile on her face, she moved towards the group.  
  
"Hey, guys. What's up?" she said, sitting in a chair near Remus.  
  
"Nothing. Can I get a morning kiss?" Remus asked, looking at her hopefully.  
  
"Sure thing," leaning over, she softly laid her lips on his and was surprised when he drew her closer. When she intended it to be just a light kiss, Lily found herself pulled into Remus's embrace.  
  
"Excuse me," James said, startling Lily and Remus apart. "I'm going to go to breakfast." Everybody watched him move out of the portrait hole, followed by a clan of admiring Gryffindors.  
  
"What's with him?" Cassandra wondered.  
  
"He's just jealous, right Lily?" Sol said, catching onto what was going on between her friends.  
  
"What do you mean?" Lily asked calmly.  
  
"Come on, Lily, we all know that James likes you," Peter stated matter-of- factly.  
  
"Well, thanks for telling me! I'll see you guys later. I want some breakfast. Remus, meet me in the astronomy tower after dinner, okay?"  
  
"Sure, see you then," he said, giving Lily a kiss. "Beware of James, Lily. His temper is as great as your own," he whispered, softly enough so that only I could hear.  
  
"I'll be fine," Lily whispered back and left the room. Everybody looked at Remus as Lily left and the portrait swung back into place.  
  
"What?" Remus asked, the slight smile on his face disappearing when he noticed everyone was looking at him.  
  
"What do you think you are doing, Moony?" Sirius asked.  
  
"What do you mean, Padfoot?"  
  
"You know James likes her!"  
  
"So do I. I've liked her just as long as James has. I just didn't say anything because she liked him! Now she doesn't like him, so I don't see what the trouble is!" he hotly declared. Sol and Cassandra were stunned. They had never seen Remus get angry like this. Normally, he was a quiet person.  
  
"The trouble is, Remus, that James isn't going to speak to you or Lily again as long as you guys are going out," Peter said.  
  
"Yeah, Moony. Are you going to let a girl break up the Marauders?"  
  
"No, Padfoot, I won't. It's not my fault if James doesn't like the idea off Lily and I going out. And it's not my fault James didn't make a move for six years! He could've had Lily Evens and he knew it!" Remus exclaimed, standing angrily. "I'll see you guys later."  
  
*~~~*~~~*~~~*~~~* As soon as Lily entered the Great Hall, she looked for James. After scanning the Gryffindor, Hufflepuff, and Ravenclaw tables, she decided he must be brooding by the lake. Without grabbing a cloak, she hurried outside and found him lying on the ground near the lake. Lily ran over and sat down next to James.  
  
"Good morning, James. It's a beautiful day, isn't it?" she began nervously. "Will you guys start Quidditch soon? You're a great team." James just laid there and said nothing. "James, will you please talk to me?"  
  
Silence.  
  
"Fine. I'll see you later," Lily sighed. She got up and was about to leave when she thought she heard someone speak. "Excuse me?"  
  
"Why?" James said after clearing his throat.  
  
"Why what, James?" Lily said, sitting down. She thought he sounded as if he had been crying.  
  
"Why Remus? I thought you liked me."  
  
"James, I didn't just like you, I loved you. I loved you so much, I thought I would die. Loving you hurt, James," she said, her voice breaking. "I finally decided I didn't want to hurt anymore. I decided I didn't want to cry every time I saw a new girl hooked onto your arm.  
  
"And the only way I could stop that hurt was to stop loving you."  
  
"You loved me?" James asked, sitting up.  
  
"Couldn't you tell?" she asked.  
  
"No, I couldn't," he said, looking out over the lake. Sighing, he stood up and held out his hand. "We better go. We don't want to be late for Charms."  
  
For a moment, she just stared at him, unsure of what to do. Then, slowly, she took his hand and stood up.  
  
*~~~*~~~*~~~*~~~*  
  
Later that night, she went up to the astronomy tower to meet Remus. While gazing at the stars, she couldn't help but think of a certain Marauder. And it wasn't Remus. Damn you, James Harold Potter! she thought. What is wrong with me? I should be thinking of Remus, not you!  
  
Despite what she told herself, Lily couldn't do anything but smile at the thought of James. His silly hair that never could be tamed. Just like him. He seemed to get in the most trouble out of the four friends, even more than Sirius. But James did have beautiful eyes. Beautiful brown eyes with specks the color of warm honey around the irises. And because she was thinking so much about James's brown eyes, Lily was startled to see Remus's blue ones looking into her eyes.  
  
"Oh!" she said stumbling back and almost loosing her balance. Nimbly, Remus threw his arms around her waist, catching her.  
  
"Don't fall. If you do, I'm going with you," Remus said, a smile playing on his lips.  
  
"Don't worry, I won't. Not now that you've got me," she said, putting her arms around his neck. "And I've got you."  
  
"I'm not denying it," Remus murmured, pulling her into a soft kiss. Lily pulled him closer and rose on her toes so she could nestle against him. Finally, they had to pull away so they could take a breath. Just as they were about to kiss again, somebody cleared their throat.  
  
"Sorry to interrupt, kids, but Professor Dumbledore wants to see you, Remus," James said, trying not to look at Lily.  
  
"Oh, okay. Do you want me to walk you back, Lily?" Remus asked, turning back to her.  
  
"No, you go ahead. I think I'll stay up here a bit."  
  
"Okay, then," he said as he leaned over to give her a quick kiss. "I'll talk to you tomorrow." As Remus went down the steps, Lily turned back to the stars.  
  
"Lily?" she heard James say.  
  
"Yes, James?" she replied, her back still towards him.  
  
"I - could you at least look at me?" James wondered. She turned to look at him, not saying a word. "I'm really sorry about yesterday. I had no right to be mad at you or Remus. I shouldn't have gotten angry and I shouldn't have shouted at him like that. And I'm - I'm just sorry. Do you forgive me?" he asked, finally looking at her face. And at that moment, that very second, James knew she was the one. She stood there with the stars at her back, a hint of tears in her bright green eyes and the wind blowing in her face and her sheer beauty startled him. And he knew she was the one.  
  
"Yes, James, I forgive you," she whispered, a tear falling down her cheek.  
  
"Why are you crying? Don't cry, Lily."  
  
"I can't help it," she said through sobs and gasps for air.  
  
"Come here, Lily. Don't cry," he said as he pulled her into his embrace. When she buried her head in his shoulder, James pressed his lips into her hair, it had the most intoxicating scent, and let her cry. Finally, when Lily's sobs had ceased, he tipped up her chin. "You okay?"  
  
"Yes, I think so," she said. And she found herself once again mesmerized by James's eyes.  
  
"Lily," James, whispered, his face slowly coming towards Lily's.  
  
"I have to go," she murmured and pushed off of his chest. "Good night," she called over her shoulder as she ran down the steps.  
  
"Good night, Lily," he called at her receding back. "I love you," he whispered to himself and the night. 


	4. The Breakup

As the days went by, Lily found herself loaded with homework and falling into the normal routine. Professor Binns still taught with extreme bore, Transfiguration was still difficult, and Professor Trelawney still sucked at Divination. And Charms was still her best subject.  
  
"No, no, James! I simply do not understand why you can't perform a simply charm!" Professor Flutenick yelled at James as she usually did. What she was screaming rarely varied. "Let Lily help you. Lily, Lily, LILY!"  
  
Distracted, Lily jumped up when she heard her name called. "Yes, Professor Flutenick?"  
  
"Help James with his Cleaning Charm."  
  
"Okay, Professor Flutenick," she said, and moved over to help James.  
  
"Hey, Lils," James said at her approach. He was hoping this would happen. James had purposely screwed up the charm so Flutenick would assign Lily to help him.  
  
"Hello, James," she said sleepily.  
  
"Not sleeping well?" he asked, concerned.  
  
"I'll live. Try the charm for me," she said in a businesslike tone.  
  
"Clemarun Deviosa!" James called, moving his wand in a "swish and flick" motion. However, his concern for Lily caused him to mess up the incantation and lilies sprouted out of the desk he was supposed to be cleaning.  
  
"James!" Lily exclaimed. "Why did you do that?"  
  
"I didn't do it on purpose," he muttered and promptly made the lilies disappear.  
  
"Now could you perform the correct charm?" Lily demanded. When James just looked at her with his mouth wide open, she shook her head. "Just do the charm, James."  
  
"Whatever." Just then, the class ended and the students rushed to pack up their things. "Lily, what's the matter?" he asked, hurrying to catch up with her.  
  
"Nothing."  
  
"Slow down, for Merlin's sake."  
  
"I can't. I have to meet Remus before Transfiguration," she said as they rounded the corner. Seeing Remus up ahead, Lily abruptly stopped, causing James to almost fall when he tried not to hit her. "Turn around, James. Let's go," Lily said as she changed directions and grabbed James's hand. Getting a glimpse of Remus, he tried to pull her the other way. "Now, James," she demanded.  
  
"But, wasn't Remus just back there?"  
  
"Yes."  
  
"So didn't you want to meet him?"  
  
"I did."  
  
"So why are we going in the opposite direction of him and Transfiguration?"  
  
"Because I don't want you to kill Remus and we're skipping Transfiguration."  
  
"What?! Lily, what are you talking about?" James said, stopping and pulling Lily around so he could see her face. "What is -"  
  
"I'll tell you in a minute. Let's go to the Head Lounge so we can be alone."  
  
"Okay," James immediately agreed. And it wasn't because Lily wanted to be alone with him. It was because when he looked in her eyes, he saw a sheen of tears and knew he'd better comply. "Orange Peels," he said and the painting that served as a cover for the entrance to the Head Lounge. James pulled Lily to the couch and told her to sit. When she wordlessly obeyed, he knew something was really wrong. Lily was not the kind of person to do whatever people tell her to do. "Spill."  
  
"Remus was - he was - I saw him -" Lily stuttered with the tears she tried to hold back flowing freely down her face.  
  
"It's okay," James soothed as he put his arms around her. "You can tell me."  
  
"He was kissing another girl," she sobbed miserably into his shoulder.  
  
James was flooded with a rage so great, he thought he would burst. He couldn't believe it. He gave up the only woman he had every loved for his best friend and he was cheating on her. Why would Remus want anyone but Lily? James thought. She's perfect. What could any other girl possibly have to offer? "How long has this been going on?" he asked through clenched teeth.  
  
"I - I don't know. I think about a week," she mumbles. Without James's warmth, Lily found herself frigidly cold and huddled in the corner of the couch, trying to find a warm spot. Her teeth were chattering and she couldn't seem to make her fingers move enough so she could conjure up a fire in the fireplace.  
  
"A week! A goddamn week!" James yelled, finally turning around to look at her. When he saw Lily, his heart softened immediately. She looked so sad, cold, and vulnerable. And she looked helplessly adorable. "Why didn't you say anything?" he asked in a softer voice, moving over to where she was sitting and knelt in front of her. "Why didn't you tell me?"  
  
"I didn't want you to hurt him. Because I - I" she said, hugging herself, "I love him."  
  
"Remus? You love Remus?" he said, dumbfounded. "Why, do you love Remus?"  
  
"Because he's everything you're not. Or I thought he was. I thought he would never go for another girl while I was with him, but I was wrong. He's just like you, James. Just like you. And I'm not sure if I like that," she finished in a harsh whisper.  
  
"Why am I so horrible to you, Lily?" he asked as he stroked her cheek. "Why do I seem so ugly and horrid in your eyes?"  
  
"It's the only way I know how to see you. Is it cold in here? Why is it so cold?" she said, not seeing the hurt that flashed in James's eyes. Not seeing the pain that haunted them.  
  
"Are you okay, Lily?" James asked tenderly.  
  
"No, I'll never be okay. Ever since last summer, I changed. I'll never be okay."  
  
"Lily," he began as he sat on the couch and pulled her onto his lap, "you'll be fine. Everything will be okay."  
  
"You won't hurt Remus, will you James? I don't want you to hurt him."  
  
"I won't hurt him, my love. I want to, for him hurting you so much. But I won't. I do love you, Lily." When she didn't say anything, he looked down and saw that Lily was asleep in his arms. The idea was oddly comforting and he slipped into sleep as well.  
  
*~~~*~~~*~~~*~~~*  
  
"Have you guys seen Lily?" Cassandra asked as she sat down to eat. "She wasn't in the common room."  
  
"She wasn't in Transfiguration. As a matter of fact, neither was James," Sirius added. "I saw them going out of Charms together. I wonder where they are."  
  
"I dunno. Where's Remus?" Sol asked, gazing around the room.  
  
"Maybe he's with Lily," Sirius said with a mischievous grin.  
  
"I saw him in the common room," Cassandra said "and Lily wasn't with him. Where's James?"  
  
"What do you care when you've got me, my dear?" Sirius said, drooping an arm over her shoulder. "We all know you love me. You can't hide it."  
  
"Get real, Sirius. You've got a girlfriend. Who is it this week? Kara Miller?" she said, removing his arm.  
  
"Nope. Samantha Stuart. Kara was not really a good snog. Unlike you, my dear Cassandra," he said, and promptly kissed her. Everybody, including Sirius, laughed as she smacked him directly across the face.  
  
"Hey, guys, look who's here," Peter whispered.  
  
"Hmm, interesting, Wormtail, very interesting," Sirius said as he saw James and Lily enter the Great Hall together.  
  
"Common room. Now," James demanded as reached their table. And then he walked back out, practically dragging Lily.  
  
"Uh, I guess we should go, right?" Sol said hesitantly.  
  
"Yeah, I guess," Sirius said and got up.  
  
*~~~*~~~*~~~*~~~*  
  
In the common room, the Marauders, Sol, Cassandra, and Lily sat quietly. Nobody said anything because people were still mingling in the common room and the gang sensed this was not meant to be heard by bystanders. While waiting for people to leave, Cassandra and Sol tried to talk to Lily, but it was no use. Lily just sat and stared unblinkingly at the fire.  
  
Why did you do it, Remus? Lily thought. Am I not enough? Don't you love me, Remus? Why, my love? Why? Suddenly, she came up with an idea. "James?" she whispered. Everybody jerked up, surprised that she spoke.  
  
"Yes, Lily?" he replied, just as softly.  
  
"We could use the Head Lounge."  
  
"Good idea. Everybody, follow me," James, said standing. Lily was the first to rise and walked right past Remus without noticing him. Everyone solemnly followed James and Lily, unsure of what was happening. "Orange Peels," James said and the painting of a field of flowers swung open. Everyone except James took a seat. He stood next to the chair Lily was sitting in. When Remus pulled his chair closer to Lily's and laid a hand on hers, she jerked away as if she had been burned.  
  
"James, what is this all about?" Sirius asked, seeing the by-play between Lily and Remus.  
  
"It's for Lily to say," he said. Immediately, all eyes were on her.  
  
"James, do all these people have to be here?" Lily wondered.  
  
"Yes."  
  
"Why?"  
  
"To be witnesses."  
  
"Do I want witnesses?"  
  
"Yes."  
  
"Why?"  
  
"Because misery enjoys company."  
  
"I don't understand."  
  
"You will."  
  
"Will I?"  
  
"Yes. Trust me, Lily. Just trust me."  
  
"I do."  
  
"Then begin."  
  
"All right," Lily said with a sad sigh. She slowly turned her gaze to Remus. "Before I go on, you have to know that I love you and I always will."  
  
"I know," Remus replied, obviously confused. "I love you, too."  
  
"Do you, Remus? Then your version of love is mutilated, twisted, and deformed. Your version of love is something that can only last so long before it dies and becomes nonexistent."  
  
"Lily, what do you-"  
  
"Be quiet," Lily demanded as her anger began to rise. "I loved you, Remus. I loved you without boundaries and then I find you snogging another girl! I thought you were different, Remus Lupin! I thought you actually cared! Shows how easily I was fooled. I believed that you were different from James and Sirius! I thought you gave a flying fuck! Well, this just shows that you're like every other man on the fucking planet! Just a fucking dickhead who thinks women who don't know how to tell when something is wrong!"  
  
"Lily, what is this about?"  
  
"What's this about? I'll tell you what this is about. I was on my way to meet you before Transfiguration today, and what do I see? I'll tell you what I saw! I saw you snogging another girl!"  
  
"Lily, I -" Remus began, his face going ash white.  
  
"Go ahead! Try and deny it! I wouldn't have believed it if I hadn't seen it for myself!" Lily now was standing up and screaming as loud as she could. But a telltale tear ran down her cheek that showed she was cut deeply by Remus's betrayal.  
  
"I won't deny it, Lily. Yes, I was kissing another girl. I'm sorry. There are no words that can explain how sorry I feel."  
  
"Remus, how could you?" Cassandra asked, stunned that her friend could do this.  
  
"Lily, I truly am sorry," Remus whispered as he ignored Cassandra. A tear fell slowly down his face.  
  
"You think your fucking apology is going to make it better?" James demanded while holding a grief-stricken Lily. "Do you honestly think that?"  
  
"Who was it Remus?" Lily asked, lifting her face out of James's robes.  
  
"It was, uh, it was-"  
  
"Me. It was me," Sol declared as she stood up. "I'm terribly sorry, Lily. I know I shouldn't have, and I'll understand in you don't forgive me, but I'm sorry and I love you. If anybody needs me, I'll be in the common room," she said and exited the room.  
  
"Don't hate me," Remus whispered and kissed Lily on the forehead. "Good night," he said, and left.  
  
"Lily, are you okay?" Sirius asked. She only nodded for an answer.  
  
"I'll be in my dormitory if you need me," Peter said. "Hand in there, Lils," he said as he swung the painting open.  
  
"I'm here if you need me," Cassandra said as she pulled Lily into a tight hug. "I love you."  
  
"I love you, too," she whispered back.  
  
"Night, kids. Don't stay up too late," Sirius said as he climbed out the hole after Cassandra.  
  
"That wasn't so bad," James half-joked.  
  
"Oh, James," Lily moaned as he threw her arms around him. "My life is so screwed up."  
  
"What else is wrong, Lily? You can tell me."  
  
"I - I just need someone to hold me. Will you hold me for a bit?"  
  
"Of course, Lily," he said as he sat down and pulled her into his lap. And he wasn't the lease bit guilty to feel happy with her in his lap. "Lily, why don't you love me?" he asked after a few seconds.  
  
"Because it would hurt."  
  
"But doesn't loving Remus hurt?"  
  
"Yes . . ."  
  
"They why don't you love me?"  
  
"I used to. But you didn't love me back."  
  
"I know how that feels." When she just looked at him, not understanding, he shook his head. "Don't you know? Lily, I love you. And I know how it feels to see you with another guy and have it hurt. It feels as if my heart is being ripped out. Because you don't love me back."  
  
"I have to go," she mumbled, feebly pushing at his chest.  
  
"Won't you give me a good night kiss?"  
  
"No. Let me go."  
  
"Okay," he grumbled as he gave in. "Good night. I love you."  
  
"Good night," she called.  
  
And quite suddenly, James found himself all alone in the spacious room. James got up and quickly left the room. 


	5. Lily's Story

Unable to sleep, Lily tossed uncomfortably in her bed. It had been a week since she broke up with Remus. Everyone was still a little mad at him, but they didn't exclude him from anything. Except James. James couldn't seem to be able to forgive him. He ignored Remus and spoke to him only when it was absolutely necessary.  
  
Finally admitting she was never going to sleep, she got out of bed, put on a robe, and made her way to the astronomy tower. Lily stealthily made her way to the tower, hoping that she would be alone there with her thoughts and the stars. When she reached the tower, Lily looked right to the stars and didn't notice the stag that stood below that looked up at her. For a few seconds, it just stood there, then hurried towards the castle.  
  
"Oh, mom, I miss you so. Why did you have to leave me?" James heard Lily say as he came up the steps. "Why did you have to go?" she whispered. James could tell she was crying.  
  
"Lily? It's only me. James," he said as she turned around, startled. "I thought I'd make sure you knew I was here."  
  
"Oh. Hi, James," she said as she turned her back to him. He always seemed to be around when she was sad and right now she didn't want him near her. "I was just looking at the stars."  
  
"Yeah, it's a great night," he said as he stood beside her.  
  
"Yeah."  
  
"Lily, I heard what you said about your mom. What happened?"  
  
"She died this past summer," she said, her voice cracking.  
  
"Oh, Lily. How did it happen?" James asked sympathetically. But he didn't touch her, he sensed she would break if he did.  
  
"My father. H - he hit her."  
  
"Any you?"  
  
"Y - yes. But not as bad as he hit her. I wasn't home as much because I come to school here."  
  
"Why didn't you tell anyone?"  
  
"I did. I told Cassandra and Sol. Th - they know everything."  
  
"Tell me. You know you can trust me." Now he did touch her. He ran his hand lightly over her long red hair.  
  
"Okay. My father started hitting me when I got my letter to come to Hogwarts. He said - he said he didn't need a - a freak in the family. My sister, Petunia, didn't want to speak to me again. To them, I was a - a freak of nature," she stammered.  
  
"And to your mother?" he asked quietly.  
  
"She was the only one who didn't hate me. She thought I was a m - miracle. She made sure I came to school.  
  
"I didn't find out that he beat her until I came home. I - I c - can't say any - any more," Lily sobbed into her hands.  
  
"Shh, it's okay. You can tell me. Just let it out, honey," James said soothingly and calmly stroking her hair. "You'll feel better if you tell me."  
  
"I - I came h - home th - this summer and h - he got mad at me. Th - then h - he took it out on her and h - he killed her. Oh, James, it was so h - horrible. Th - there was blood everywhere and she looked so - so . . ."  
  
"Cry it out, love. Just cry it out," he whispered and pulled her so she could cry into his chest. He felt her fist her hands in his robe. Finally, she raised her head. James could see an imprint on her bottom lip where she had bit it.  
  
"I think your robes are ruined," she said in a weak voice and attempted a smile.  
  
"I've got a spare," he whispered back. He had a sudden urge to kiss her. Lily looked helplessly adorable with her eyes misty and her lips red. "Don't hate me for this," he said as he leaned down.  
  
Lily was surprised when James kissed her. Nevertheless, she kissed him back and wrapped her arms around his neck. James, just as surprised, put his arms around her waist. This was the first time she let him kiss her. And he was enjoying it immensely. Nobody had ever made his head swim like Lily did. Maybe it was because he was in love with her. Maybe it was because she smelled of fresh flowers and green grass. Whatever the reason was, he didn't want it to stop.  
  
"I better get back to sleep," Lily said as she pulled away from James.  
  
"Why? No classes tomorrow," James reasoned while softly nuzzling her neck.  
  
"Cassandra will notice that I'm gone."  
  
"No she won't. You have a separate dormitory."  
  
"Well, I -"  
  
"Give me a real reason. Just stay for awhile. Please," he said as he laced his fingers around hers.  
  
"I really have to go, James. And you have Quidditch tomorrow."  
  
"Why do you have to be so sensible? Why can't you just say 'Okay' and kiss me again?" he teased.  
  
"Because I'm tired," she said, smiling and pulling her hands out of his.  
  
"How about a kiss, then?" he asked as he reached for her. Lily stepped just out of his reach and put her hands out as if to ward him away. "What's the matter?"  
  
"Nothing. I just have to get to sleep. I'm really tired," she mumbled, not looking directly at him.  
  
"Then why won't you give me a kiss? You didn't fight me off a moment ago."  
  
"Because, I - well I -"  
  
"Just say it, sweetie."  
  
"Because I don't want to hurt you," Lily confessed, not looking at him.  
  
"Hurt me?" James said, and tipped up her chin so she had to look him in the face. "How could you hurt me? I love you, Lily."  
  
"I know. That's why. You love me, and, as much as I hate to say this, I don't love you. And I don't want to hurt you by not returning your feelings," she admitted softly.  
  
"Lily, is that so? Is that why you don't want to kiss me? Because you're afraid it'll hurt me?"  
  
"Yes."  
  
"I know you don't love me," James started as he grabbed her hands. "But I love you. And I'd like to give you the chance to love me back."  
  
"What do you mean?"  
  
"What I'm trying to do, Lily of the Valley, is ask you out."  
  
"Ask me out? But, James -"  
  
"Come on, no buts. Just a 'yes' or 'no'. Preferably a 'yes', but I won't be angry if you say 'no'."  
  
"I have to think about it."  
  
"How about a kiss, then?" Without waiting for an answer, James gave Lily a soft kiss.  
  
"Good night, James," she said as she backed away.  
  
"Good night, Lily. I love you." Quickly, Lily ran down the steps, not caring if she was heard. When she finally reached her dormitory, Lily crawled under the covers and peacefully slept.  
  
*~~~*~~~*~~~*~~~*  
  
Lily woke up to the sound of insistent knocking at her door. She groaned and covered her head with pillows. "Go away!" she yelled grumpily.  
  
"Nope," James said as he came into the room. "Wow! How do you keep this room so clean? There's clothes on the floor!" he said as he looked around.  
  
"What are you doing here? And how can you be so happy so early in the morning?" Lily asked, finally opening her eyes.  
  
"First of all, I'm here because we have to meet with Dumbledore. Second of all, it's about noon, not the morning."  
  
"WHAT!? Noon? Oh, god! I can't believe I slept so long!" she yelled as she threw the covers off and jumped out of the bed. "Why didn't I wake up? I can't believe it!" Just then, she realized that James was staring at her. "What?" she asked self-consciously.  
  
"You look beautiful," he whispered softly, as if he was stunned by her looks.  
  
"No, I don't. I just woke up. I haven't even brushed my hair yet."  
  
"You still look beautiful. I wish I could see you like this everyday. Your hair is naturally falling around your face and you glow. You simply glow."  
  
"You're delusional, kid. Now can you leave me so I can get changed?"  
  
"No."  
  
"What? Are you nuts? I have to get changed."  
  
"I'll pick out the clothes," he said as he pulled out his wand. With a flick of his wrist, Lily was suddenly wearing a pair of Muggle jeans and a pink shirt. "See, redheads can wear pink."  
  
"I have to wear my school robes. Now change me back," she demanded.  
  
"Nope. And it's Saturday. I'm not wearing my school robes. Relax. After the meeting with Dumbledore, I have to go to the game. So let's go," he said, grabbing her hand and dragging her out of her dormitory.  
  
"JAMES! Stop pulling me!" she yelled.  
  
"Walk fast then," he said as he dropped her hand. Lily immediately fell behind. With an exasperated sigh, he grabbed her hand again and started dragging her.  
  
"Stop pulling me!"  
  
"I wouldn't have to pull if someone had woken up on time!"  
  
"I would have woke up on time if someone hadn't kept me up all night in the astronomy tower!"  
  
"Oh, so now it's all my fault - lemon drops - that you woke up late?!" At the password, a gargoyle moved and a staircase appeared.  
  
"Yes! No! I don't know. I'm just tired and confused," she said, pouting. Quickly, James leaned over and kissed her on the lips.  
  
"Sorry. I couldn't help it. You just look so sexy when you pout."  
  
"Oh, shush," Lily said and she lightly pushed his shoulder.  
  
"Are you still mad at me?"  
  
"No."  
  
"Good, let's go in." They went into Professor Dumbledore's office side by side. "Sorry we're late, Professor. Lily slept in."  
  
"Shut up," she insisted under her breath. "Good afternoon, Professor. I was feeling a bit under the weather this morning and I overslept. Potter so nicely served as my alarm clock at approximately twelve o'clock today," she said sweetly. "So I'm sorry if we're late."  
  
"No problem, James and Lily. You might want to go to the Infirmary and have Madame Monte check you out if you still feel unwell later."  
  
"I will, Professor."  
  
"Now, to begin with business. December is approaching, and with it Christmas. You'll want to meet with the prefects to talk about decorations for the holidays. Do either of you know if you'll be staying over for the holidays?"  
  
"Yes, I am," Lily said eagerly. She hared going to the orphanage, even when absolutely necessary.  
  
"As will I," James stated.  
  
"But you never stay!" Lily protested.  
  
"Sirius, Peter, and Remus are staying too. They don't want to go home over vacation." Little did Lily know that there was a hidden reason for the Marauders stay. Christmas Eve would be a full moon.  
  
"Oh, yes. I have already been informed about those . . . arrangements." Dumbledore interrupted. "Well, I believe that's it, unless you have something to add? Good," he said when we both shook our heads, "James, would you accompany Lily to the Infirmary?"  
  
"Of course, Professor."  
  
"But, Professor, it's -"  
  
"I insist, Lily. Now, if you don't mind, I do have work to do, children."  
  
"Of course not, Professor. Now, Lily, did you hear that? The Headmaster has work to do and I'm to bring you to the Infirmary." At this time, both students had their backs to Dumbledore and did not see the twinkle in his eyes.  
  
James waited until the staircase was once again hidden behind them before he trapped Lily against the wall. "Why did you lie to him?"  
  
"What do you mean?"  
  
"Why didn't you tell him you were with me last night?"  
  
"It's hardly something I want to advertise. Please get off me."  
  
"Why don't you want to be seen with me?"  
  
"Because people would get the wrong idea."  
  
"And what idea would that be?"  
  
"James, get off me." Instead of granting her request, James dug his fingers harder into her arm and pushed her farther against the wall.  
  
"What idea, Lily/"  
  
"The idea that we're a couple. James, you're hurting me," Lily said with tears in her eyes.  
  
"Fuck that," he said and pressed his lips to hers in a fierce and passionate kiss. In not time, Lily was kissing him back and putting her arms around his waist. She eagerly pressed against him and her only thought was Lovely. Slowly, James pulled away. "Why did you kiss me back?"  
  
"I don't know," she mumbled. Faintly, Lily realized that her arms were still around his waist and his were still around her waist.  
  
"I can't be so repulsive if you kiss me back."  
  
"I don't know what I think of you."  
  
"Lily," he started as he stroked her hair.  
  
"No. You'll say something sweet and loving and I don't want to hear it. Could you please let go of me now?"  
  
"Nope. Not until you kiss me," he said and pulled her closer. "Just one kiss." His lips were so close and his beautiful eyes bore deep into her green ones. Lily found herself raising up on her toes to give James a kiss. She let it go on for a full ten seconds before she eased back.  
  
"Now will you let go?" she whispered.  
  
"Sure," James said, his voice seemingly escaping him. he slowly let go of Lily and stepped back. He readily regretted it and wished he could go after Lily. Instead, he had to be content with watching her receding form while he leaned against a wall, waiting for his legs to begin working properly again. When he felt he was reasonably sure he could walk, he began made his way to his dormitory to change into his Quidditch robes. 


	6. Tarot Cards

"Lily, what's up with you and James?" Cassandra asked during Charms. They both had skillfully mastered the Confundus Charm and were waiting for the class to end.  
  
"What do you mean?" Lily asked innocently.  
  
"Come on, you know what I mean. I saw you guys kissing the other day. And he's always staring at you. Like right now." Lily whipped her head around and saw James staring at her. He quickly averted his eyes and a blush began creeping up his face. "See!"  
  
"Nothing's going on," she denied. "What's with you and Sirius? You seem to be hanging out with him an awful lot." Lily had the satisfaction of seeing Cassandra squirm while searching for a somewhat - truthful answer.  
  
"We're just hanging out, that's all. I wouldn't go out with him. Sirius is a player. You know, a new girlfriend every week," she replied with a shrug. "I don't want to be one of his throw away's."  
  
"Yeah, sure. Whatever," Lily replied, rolling her eyes.  
  
"Well, why won't you go out with James? We all know he likes you."  
  
"Everybody seems to be missing the point! I don't like him!"  
  
"Why not? He can be sweet and romantic, and he's dead sexy. If he wasn't so stuck on you, I'd go for him myself."  
  
"Well -" Just then, the class ended and Lily quickly ran out of the room. As she rounded a corner, she leaned back on the wall and sighed.  
  
"You never gave me an answer," said a voice near her ear. Lily jumped, startled and saw James smile.  
  
"An answer to what?" she asked as she started walking to Transfiguration.  
  
"To the question I asked you," he said, falling into step beside her. Lily quickened her pace.  
  
"And what question would that be?"  
  
"Would you slow down?" he asked and grabbed her arm. "I'd like to have a normal conversation without have to run down the halls at the same time."  
  
"I have to get to Transfiguration. And so do you," Lily said and escaped from James's hold.  
  
"Fine. Sit with me in class, then. Please."  
  
"Okay," she said with a sigh as they go to the classroom. "But don't bug me, I have to pay attention."  
  
"Sure, no problem," James replied and sat at a table.  
  
"Good afternoon, class," Professor McGonagall said as she came into the room. "Today we are going to change lizards into a quill. Would everyone please partner up?" Lily quickly looked around for Sol and Cassandra, but they already paired together.  
  
"Do you want to be my partner?" James asked pleadingly.  
  
"I suppose," she sighed. "Maybe with you as my partner I could get the transfiguration correct."  
  
"You're not that bad."  
  
"Wanna bet?"  
  
"Let's just wait and see."  
  
"I hope everyone is paired up!" Professor McGonagall called from the front of the room. A few people scrambled to their partner's tables and then silence hung in the room. "Good. The incantation is Lizardus Quillus. Begin." Muttering was heard around the room as people tried to remember the incantation.  
  
"Lizardus Quillus," Lily said, waving her wand at the lizard. It did nothing.  
  
"Here, let me try. Lizardus Quillus!" And with a wave of his wand, the lizard changed into a quill. "See? It's not that difficult."  
  
"But you are great in Transfiguration. This is my worst subject," Lily moaned.  
  
"You'll do fine with me helping you," James assured her. But whatever they did, Lily couldn't seem to change the lizard into a proper quill. "I take back what I said earlier. You suck at Transfiguration."  
  
"I know. Ugh, that's one ugly quill," Lily said, looking at the green spiked one she just transfigured.  
  
"Yeah, I think you need a little extra help.  
  
"You're telling me," she muttered.  
  
"Lily Evens! How did you manage to make your quill look like that?!" Professor McGonagall cried. "And with James helping you!"  
  
"I know, Professor. It's horrid. I don't know how I could have done that."  
  
"I think James is correct. You do need extra help. Wait a second, maybe James could tutor you."  
  
"Wait a minute, what would I get out of it?" James asked.  
  
"You'd get a liable excuse to spend time with me," Lily replied, batting her eyelashes.  
  
"As tempting as that may be, Lily of the Valley, I have found that it is healthier to resist temptation."  
  
"Oh, but not half as satisfying," she replied with a sultry smile. He is really sexy. Maybe I will go out with him, Lily thought to herself.  
  
"But a hell of a lot safer," James said. Is Lily flirting with me? Could she really like me? James thought.  
  
"Excuse me, children, but this is not request. James, you have to tutor Lily. You can use this classroom after dinner every night. I'll see you next week, class," Professor McGonagall said as she raised her voice so she could address the entire class. "No homework tonight."  
  
"So, do you want to start tonight?" Lily asked as they made their way to the Gryffindor common room.  
  
"Sure. Uh, Lily, I was wondering if you could help me."  
  
"Help you with what, James?" Lily asked, looking up at him and turning her head to one side.  
  
"With Charms. In case you haven't noticed, quite frankly, I suck at it," he said with a half laugh. When Lily laughed softly, he felt a pull in his stomach.  
  
"Of course I'll help you. We can practice in McGonagall's room. We can do it alternate nights with Transfiguration."  
  
"Cocker Bells," James said and the portrait of the Fat Lady swung open.  
  
"I have to grab my stuff for Divination. Will you wait for me, James?" she asked.  
  
"Sure."  
  
"Thanks. I'll be right back," she promised and rushed up the steps to her dormitory.  
  
When James could no longer see her, he leaned back on the wall. Calm down, James, he told himself, she doesn't really like you. She's just playing with you, trying to see how you react. She's just having some fun. But what are you going to do when you guys are alone for hours?  
  
"Are you ready, James?" Lily asked as she came up to him.  
  
"Huh? Oh, yeah," he said distractedly. She even smells like lilies, he thought absently.  
  
"Cool, let's go then. I wonder who's dying today," Lily mused. He's so adorable, she thought happily.  
  
When they finally got to Divination, Lily sat down with Sol and Cassandra. Despite the thing with Remus and Sol, her and Lily remained friends. "Hey, guys."  
  
"My, my, don't you look chipper. What happened in between now and Transfiguration?" Cassandra asked with a slight smile.  
  
"Does this have something to do with James? I saw you come in together and you were partners in McGonagall's class," Sol said mischievously. Lily was rarely this carefree.  
  
"No! Well, yes," she said with a smile and a giggle.  
  
"Well . . ." Cassandra prompted.  
  
"Gimme details, honey!" Sol said enthusiastically.  
  
"Did you decided to give him chance?" Cassandra asked.  
  
"Are you gonna go out with him?" Sol added.  
  
"Calm down, kids!" Lily said, laughing. Just then, James's head whipped around. Their eyes met and held until Professor Trelawney came into the room.  
  
"Good afternoon, class," she said in her misty voice. "Todaywe will work with Tarot Card. Pair up with a different partner that usual. Once you are paired, you may begin." People shuffled around, looking for someone to pair with. Cassandra partnered with Sirius, and Sol with Remus. That left Lily and . . .  
  
"James, will you be my partner?" Lily asked cautiously. James looked up at her and nodded. "Cool," she announced and sat down close to him. "Do you want to ask a question first?"  
  
"Uh, sure. I know just what to ask. We don't have to say it out loud, do we?" he asked Lily uneasily.  
  
"Mhm? Oh, no," she replied distractedly. James really had beautiful eyes.  
  
"Good. Here we go, then," he said with a sigh. Will Lily ever love me? He calmly picked out the cards and put them in their correct spot. Lily dutifully flipped them over. That's when they heard a gasp from behind them.  
  
"My children, who asked this question?" Professor Trelawney asked.  
  
"Uh, I did," James admitted regretfully.  
  
"This is a very interesting answer. You have plenty of good cards. Love in your life," she murmured. "But horror. Oh, I can't look at them anymore!" she announced and turned away. Lily looked at James and saw that his face had paled greatly.  
  
"James? Are you okay? James?" she asked softly. "James? James, can you hear me?" When he didn't answer, Lily panicked. He looked so vulnerable and he was just sitting there, unresponsive.  
  
As Lily tried to revive him, all James could see was a flashing green light. All he could hear was a high pitched laugh, and a woman's screams. And a child's helpless crying. Faintly, he could hear Lily call his name, but he couldn't answer. All he could concentrate on was that laughter - that sinister laughter - and those heart-wrenching cries. Until he felt someone's lips on his own.  
  
Lily felt James become more aware as she sunk into the kiss. When she pulled away, James was looking at her with a confused expression. "Lily?" he asked tentatively.  
  
"Oh, thank goodness," she sighed. "We'd better take you to the hospital wing, James."  
  
"Huh? What? Why?"  
  
"Just come on," Lily insisted as she pulled on his hand. "I'll be back, Professor. I have to take James to the Infirmary."  
  
"Of course, child. He looks frightfully pale. You might as well take your books. I imagine Madame Monte will have you stay for a bit."  
  
"Thank you, Professor," Lily said and rushed out the door, pulling James behind her.  
  
"I wonder what that was all about?" Cassandra asked Sirius.  
  
"I don't know. But it looks like Lily is finally coming to her senses," Sirius replied.  
  
"Yeah. It's about time."  
  
"Next thing you know, you'll be falling in love with me."  
  
"Get a life, kid," Cassandra said sarcastically. Sirius, not easily discouraged, leaned over and gave her a kiss full on the lips. 


	7. In the Hospital Wing

"Tsk, tsk," Madame Monte chided. Lily had successfully lead James to the hospital wing and Madame Monte was looking over him. "How did this happen, Lily?"  
  
"We were in Divination and reading Tarot Cards. Professor Trelawney came over and told us what they meant and James went into a sort of . . . trance, I suppose," Lily explained.  
  
"Oh, dear. He doesn't seem to be much better," she pronounced as she glanced over at James. He was sitting on one of the beds, white as a sheet and his teeth were chattering. Lily tenderly put a blanket around his shoulders.  
  
"But he is. At least he shows some type of reaction now. Earlier he just sat there and did, well, nothing."  
  
"What brought him out of this 'trance', dear?"  
  
"Uh, well I," Lily began, her face turning a brilliant red, "I, um, kissed him."  
  
"Well, dear, it seems to have worked. All I can do for him right now is to give him a sleeping draught and keep him warm. You have no use staying here any longer. You'll want to be getting to dinner right about now, sweetie. He'll be sleeping for quite awhile," Madame Monte said, dismissing Lily.  
  
"If you don't mind, I'd like to stay, Madame Monte. I - I just would like to stay," Lily said awkwardly.  
  
"Okay, dear, but he won't wake up for a bit. Are you sure you don't want to head on to dinner?"  
  
"I'm sure."  
  
"Okay. If he wakes up, come and see me right away. And just try to let him sleep, he needs it."  
  
"Okay, Madame Monte," Lily said as she sat down in the chair next to James's bed. Madame Monte fed James the potion and carefully laid him back in the bed. As soon as she left, Lily grasped James hand. She saw James open his eyes and focus in on her.  
  
"I love you, Lily," he feebly whispered.  
  
"I know, James. I know," she whispered back. She saw him close his eyes and fall easily into sleep.  
  
*~~~*~~~*~~~*~~~*~~~*  
  
The first thing James noticed when he woke up was that people were whispering around him. The second thing he noticed was that someone was still holding his had. He opened his eyes and saw Sirius, Remus, Peter, Cassandra, Sol, and Lily around his bed. None of them noticed that he was awake yet.  
  
"Hey, Lils, were you here all night? I didn't see you in the common room or at dinner," Cassandra said.  
  
"Neither did I," Sol added.  
  
"Well, I, um, I thought that, well -" Lily stuttered, trying to find some excuse.  
  
"Will you leave her alone, guys?" James said in a sleep-roughened voice. Everybody jumped at the sound of his voice and looked at him immediately.  
  
"Hey, Jamesie! Good morning! Finally, the dead have arisen," Sirius exclaimed happily.  
  
"And he comes out of his mighty sleep," Peter said with a smile.  
  
"Just in time, too. I'm leaving in a week. My mother is sick again, I'm afraid," Remus added.  
  
"Then I'm glad I woke up when I did," James said. "So, Lily. Did you really sit up all night with me?"  
  
"Uh, yes. I did," Lily said, her face turning slightly pink. James just squeezed her hand and smiled at her.  
  
"Thanks, Lily," he said, and he really meant it. When she smiled back, James felt a pull at his heart. Have her feelings for me really changed?  
  
"So, Jamesie," Sirius said, "what happened up there in Divination? I was reading those stupid cards, then all of a sudden you were being carted out of the room by Lily of the Valley over here."  
  
"Yeah, James, what happened?" Remus inquired.  
  
"Yeah, inform us lesser folks of your health and well-being," Cassandra added. When everybody just looked at her, she shrugged. "I thought I'd put my input in and be creative while I was at it."  
  
"Ain't she sweet?" Sirius announced and gave her a quick kiss on the cheek.  
  
"Anyway, what did happen?" Peter said, choosing to ignore Cassandra and Sirius.  
  
"I'm not sure," James mumbled. "All I can remember is that I saw a lot of green light and I heard screaming."  
  
"Do you mean were in a trance?" Sol asked incredulously.  
  
"I don't know. I . . . guess I was. That's the only way to explain it."  
  
"Jamesie, I think you're losing your mind, kiddo," Sirius announced.  
  
"Okay, kids! You're time is up!" Madame Monte proclaimed as she came into the room. "James has to rest."  
  
"But he just woke up!" Remus protested.  
  
"Nevertheless, he must get his rest. Now, go to dinner, dears! You, too, Lily, sweetie. You must be starving," she said as the others left the room.  
  
"Actually, Madame, I'm -"  
  
"Now, dear, James needs his rest. You don't want to overexcite him, do you?"  
  
"But, Madame Monte, I'm feeling fine," James announced as he sat up. "I don't feel faint or anything."  
  
"Now, dear -"  
  
"But I really do feel fine, Madame. And nothing you can do is going to make me stay here."  
  
"James, dear -"  
  
"Madame Monte, you know me. Do you seriously think you can keep me here?"  
  
"Okay, dear. You can go," she said with a sigh. "Just be careful."  
  
"I will. Shall we go now, Lily?" James asked as he turned towards her.  
  
"Yes, let's," she replied with a giggle. Neither of them spoke until they reached the hallway. "James, what really happened in Divination?" Lily asked softly.  
  
"I don't know Lily, I really don't know."  
  
"You just looked so - so - lifeless. I didn't know what to do. I felt so powerless and - and - I don't know - just helpless. James, don't ever do that to me again. I don't know if I could handle it," she said in a whisper.  
  
"Don't worry, Lily. I have a feeling as long as I keep away from Tarot Cards, I'll be fine. Lily," James said, turning serious as they reached the portal to the Gryffindor common room.  
  
"Yes, James?"  
  
"I was wondering if -"  
  
"Yes . . ." Lily said as she moved closer.  
  
"If you had come to a decision on that question I had asked you the other night."  
  
"Yes, I did."  
  
"And what did you decide," he asked nervously. For an answer Lily put her arms around his neck and lifted her lips to his for a soft kiss. "I'll take that for a yes," he said when he had his breath back. Kissing Lily always seemed to blow his mind away.  
  
"Mhm. Yes," she whispered and buried her head in his shoulder. When she heard his contented sigh, Lily couldn't help but release a sigh of her own. "We'd better go in. The gang'll want to hear about how you got out."  
  
"Yeah. Let's go," James replied and grabbed her hand. "Magna silva," he said to the portrait and it swung open, revealing the common room. A quick scan of the room showed that the rest of the Marauders, Sol, and Cassandra were sitting by the fire. "Hey, guys," he said as he walked over to them with Lily by his side.  
  
"So, Jamesiepoo, you convinced the hospital Nazi to let you out?" Sirius said. "You still are the only one who can charm Madame Monte into letting somebody out."  
  
"Yeah, what's your secret? She keeps me in there all week after . . . well, you know," Remus said.  
  
"And every time I sneeze, I'm in there for a week," Peter added.  
  
"A man's got to keep his secrets. Remus, when are you leaving to visit your mother?" James asked, trying to sound casual and took a seat on the couch. Lily sat down next to him and put her head on his shoulder when he put his arm around her. She felt so right snuggled in James's embrace in front of a fire.  
  
"Christmas Eve," he said blandly.  
  
"You won't be here for the holidays?" Sol asked sadly.  
  
"I'm afraid not, honey."  
  
"I'll miss you," she said a looked at him with loving eyes.  
  
"Won't don't you sit with me, fair darling, since everyone else seems to be cozily paired up?" Sirius asked Cassandra. And before she could answer, he pulled her into his lap and banded his arms around her. Cassandra squirmed and tried to get off, but to no avail. Years of Quidditch had made Sirius strong and Cassandra wasn't as lucky.  
  
"Let go of me, you stupid git!"  
  
"Never, my love! I'll never let you go!"  
  
"Sirius! Get off me!" she demanded.  
  
"Come on, sweet, just admit it. You know you love me."  
  
"No, I don't! Get off!"  
  
Everyone watched the scene with amused eyes. "He really does like her, you know," James murmured into Lily's hair. Lily just raised her head and looked at him with a confused look on her face. "Why do you think he never goes out with a girl for more than a week? It's because he gets tired of them. Because they're not Cassandra. Because nobody he dates is like her."  
  
Cassandra's protests were muffled, and Lily looked over to see them kissing. After a bit, Cassandra stopped trying to get off of Sirius's lap and just let the kiss play out. When they finally separated, the boys started whistling.  
  
"Jackass," Cassandra said, but it didn't have any heat in it. She couldn't seem to be able to get her voice to work properly. "Now let me go."  
  
"Nope."  
  
"Fine," she sighed and put her head on Sirius's shoulder. Sirius looked surprised, but after a bit, loosened his grip slightly so that Cassandra would be more comfortable. When she didn't try to move, he laid his cheek on her head.  
  
Peter looked around him and wondered what he had done that made him so . . . repellant. The three couples around him made him realize that despite his friendship with James, Sirius, and Remus, he really had nobody. That he was truly all alone and unhappy in a world of company and joy. And he quietly plotted how to ruin that small bubble of happiness that surrounded his friends while they sat content and oblivious by the fire.  
  
*~~~*~~~*~~~*~~~*~~~*  
  
HELLO!! This is me, Lorelei. This is the first time I've decided to put my thoughts (other than the actual story) into a writing. So, hello my faithful readers. Peter is going to have a larger role in the story from here on. I will also develop more on the Sirius/Cassandra relationship. It should prove interesting. READ AND REVIEW! Please. Pretty please, with sugar on top. I crave on the reviews. My eager ego loves them. Thank you! 


	8. The Dream

As the days went by, Lily found that the holidays had an effect on her. The only time she seemed to be truly happy was when she was with James. Despite the fact the Lily never got to see her mother during the holidays, she felt depressed at the fact that she couldn't write to her and wish her Happy Christmas. And there wasn't even any snow outside. Sure, it was a week until the holidays began, but at least the weather could have the decency to cooperate at the moment. Usually the rain brightened her day, it always reminded her of her old home, before she moved to Britain. Now it only depressed her.  
  
She sat down in front of the fire in the common room, trying to block out the noise of the cooped up Gryffindors. Accepting the fact that she would never be able to concentrate in the common room, she got up and made her way to the Head Lounge.  
  
James came down the steps just in time to see Lily get up and go out the portrait. I wonder where she's headed, he wondered. He was just about to follow her when Sirius came up behind him.  
  
"Where you going, pal? Don't you remember that you called for a Quidditch practice today?" Sirius said, steering James to his dormitory. "You're not even ready yet. Where is your mind these days? Now hurry up and get ready," he said as he shoved James into his room, "I'll wait for you in the common room."  
  
"All right, jackass," James mumbled as Sirius shut the door behind him. James quickly changed into his robes and hurried to the common room to get Sirius. Today was going to be a very short practice. He had to see what was up with Lily.  
  
*~~~*~~~*~~~*~~~*~~~*  
  
As James rushed out to the Quidditch field with Sirius, Lily was making herself comfortable in the Head's Lounge. Finally I can be alone, in blissful quiet, she thought. She settled into a big chair near the fireplace and watched the flames lick against the brick of the fireplace. A nice fire always made her feel better. And it never seemed to be too hot. Lily scooted her chair closer to the fire and curled up in the chair. She laid her head on the back and fell easily into a deep, disturbing sleep.  
  
Dream Sequence  
  
"Lily, he's here! Take Harry and run! I'll try and hold him off. Now!" James screamed at her. Lily ran quickly to the back room and shut the door quickly behind her. A child was crying in her arms as she frantically looked for a hiding place.  
  
"Where is the child?" she heard a cold voice say from the other room.  
  
"You can't have him!" James yelled back.  
  
"He's been mine since the day he was born. Give him to me!"  
  
"I'd rather die first!'  
  
"And so you shall." The cold voice said and incantation and green light flashed under the door. Lily heard a thud on the floor and the door opened. "Give me the boy."  
  
"No. Take me instead. Take me, just don't take Harry!" she heard herself scream as she put the boy down on the bed behind her and turned to face the man.  
  
"I'll take you both," the man in front of her claimed with a sneer. The baby was still screaming as the man said the same incantation and a green light flashed.  
  
End Dream Sequence  
  
"Lily, wake up. Lily, wake up," someone said as they shook her.  
  
"I'm up, calm down. Leave me alone," she said with her eyes closed. When she finally opened them, she saw that she was no longer in the Head's Lounge. Lily looked over and saw James crouched next to the bed she was in, dirt on his face and concern in his eyes. "James? Where am I?"  
  
"In my dormitory."  
  
"In your - Why am I in your dormitory, James?" she asked as she sat up. She quickly laid back down as she felt a wave of dizziness. "What is going on?"  
  
"I came to find you after Quidditch practice and found you in the Head's Lounge. You were laying on the floor, all curled up near the fire and shivering. The fire was so high, it went up into the chimney, but you were shivering. But when I picked you up you were burning hot."  
  
"Then why didn't you bring me to the hospital wing?"  
  
"My dormitory was closer. I was just about to go get Madame Monte, but then you started muttering stuff. Something like 'Take me, take me', but I'm not sure."  
  
"That dream," she said, realizing what James was talking about. "I had this really weird dream. You were in it, and there was a child, a baby, and we were trying to save him. But we couldn't. A man came - a man with horrible red eyes - and he killed you. You tried to stall him, tried to give me time to get away, but he killed you in a flash. He killed me too. With a spell. Something with green light," Lily said, struggling to remember. "And - I can't remember anymore."  
  
"It's okay. It's sounds a lot like - no, it couldn't be," James said.  
  
"Like what?"  
  
"Nevermind. It's not important. Are you okay?" James asked and said down on the bed next to her. He softly stroked her cheek so tenderly, it made her eyes swell up.  
  
"Yeah, I suppose so," she said, trying to hold back the tears that she knew would come. One lonely tear escaped and slid onto James's hand.  
  
"Lily, are you crying? Why are you crying? What's wrong?" James asked concernedly and brushed the tears that now flowed steadily down her face.  
  
"Oh, James, I don't deserve you!" she announced as she sat up. "Why don't you go find a girl who you could love and she could love you in return? Forget about me! I'm not worth it!"  
  
"Lily? What are you talking about, love?" he asked, confused.  
  
"You love me, and I try so hard to love you back, but I simply can't. And I can't help but feel that if you moved on to someone else, you could find the right person to love you back!"  
  
"That's so silly, honey," he said soothingly as he pulled her into his lap. "I couldn't ever love anybody else. And I couldn't stop loving you if I tried."  
  
"That's ridiculous, James! We're only seventeen, we have plenty of time to love other people. You could find someone else to love. Who knows, the woman for you could be out there right now, but you're too stubborn to find her. James," she said as she framed his face with her hands, "you're wasting your love on me. My heart is too cold and black to be able to love someone as good as you."  
  
"Your heart isn't cold or black. And I'm not wasting my love. And if I was, it is mine to waste. And I can love only you," he said as he took one of her hands and kissed the center of her palm.  
  
"James, just listen to me for once. Forget me," she said as she slipped her hand out of his grip. "Leave me. Find someone else. Someone else you can love. Someone who could love you in return."  
  
"You listen to me, Lily. I can't love anyone else. I can't forget you. I can't leave you. Because even if I did leave you, I wouldn't be complete. You have part of my, Lily. And I only feel complete when I'm with you."  
  
"Oh, James."  
  
"So please don't push me away. Because I'm afraid I would die if you did. I'm afraid you would walk away with the most important part of me. I'm afraid that without you, I could never be complete again."  
  
"James, you're so - so - so hopeless!" she yelled and pushed off of James's lap and buried her head in a pillow. James laid down next to her and softly stroked her hair.  
  
"Don't push me away, Lily love," he pleaded.  
  
"I won't," she said as she lifted her head out of the pillow.  
  
"Will you stay with me?" he asked abruptly.  
  
"What?"  
  
"Will you stay with me tonight? I promise I won't try anything."  
  
"All - all right," she said and settled under the covers. James crawled in next to her and Lily rest her head on his chest. When she put a hand on his stomach, James knew that there was no way he could be happier than at this very moment. They both slipped easily into a blissful and dreamless sleep with their arms around each other and James's hand tangled in Lily's hair.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
Hey, everybody! It's me again! How do you like it? It's a little sappier then I tend to write things, but I figured it went good with the story. And I know I promised more stuff with Sirius/Cassandra, but I suppose I lied. And I guess I also lied about Peter being in the story more because he wasn't even in this one. Oh well. I promise they WILL show up in later chapters more often. Keep your eyes out for the next chapter. At this moment and time, I'd like to thank all of my reviewers. I LOVE YOU ALL!! YOU ARE ALL GOD!! And I would like to give a very hearty thank you to (drum roll please) moonlight and midnight an!! (applause, applause) They have been with me since the beginning and have inspired me countless times. Thank you, thank you, thank you! I love you guys! In the mean time, REVIEW LIKE MAD COWS!! Thank you. 


	9. In the Hospital Wing Again

When Lily woke up, the first thing she noticed was that it was still dark out. The second thing she noticed was that James was not in the bed anymore. "James?" she asked as she sat up. "James, are you in here?" Lily looked around the room and saw a shape on the floor near the door. "James, is that you?" Carefully, she walked over to the person and lightly laid a hand on their shoulder. "James?" she asked as she gave the person a light shake. She rolled the person over and saw James and screamed. His face was scratched up and blooded. Bruises outlined his neck and his clothes were torn. Lily wanted to scream for someone, but her voice couldn't seem to work. She couldn't move, she seemed to be frozen, kneeling by James's unconscious body. She heard somebody run up the steps, but couldn't tear her eyes away from James to see whom it was.  
  
"Lily? What happened? Lily," the person said as they shook her, trying to get her to look at them, "tell me what happened."  
  
Finally, she looked up and saw Sirius staring at her, his hands on her shoulders. "I - I don't k - know. I woke up and I - I saw him like - like this," she stuttered. Suddenly tears started pouring out of her eyes. She threw herself on James and started to cry into his torn and tattered shirt. "James, don't leave me! Please me okay! You can't die, James. You can't die on me. Don't die, don't die," she sobbed into his chest.  
  
"Lily, calm down. We have to think about this rationally," Sirius said soothingly. "He won't die. He'll be okay. We'll get Madame Monte and he'll be okay. He won't die, Lily. He won't." Gently, he lifted her off of James and called for someone to come up. Lily felt limp and lifeless in his arms and her face was white. "Lily, he will be okay."  
  
"Who would do such a thing? Why would anyone want to hurt James? He's so loving, and sweet. Why would anyone want to kill him?" Lily wondered.  
  
"I don't know, Lily. I don't know," he whispered and shook his head. He heard a gasp from the doorway and saw Remus, frozen by the sight of his friend injured.  
  
"What happened?" he asked tentatively as he stepped into the room.  
  
"I don't know. Could you get Madame Monte? And Dumbledore. We have to find out what happened."  
  
"Yeah, I'll go," Remus said, still looking at James. He quickly turned around and ran out of the room. Just as he reached the common room, Madame Monte and Professor Dumbledore entered. "Madame, Professor! It's James! He -"  
  
"We know, Remus," Dumbledore interrupted. "We need to help him as soon as we can. If we don't get to him in time . . ."  
  
"Yes, right this way. Follow me," Remus said and ran off in the direction of James's dormitory.  
  
*~~~*~~~*~~~*~~~*  
  
Lily paced outside of the hospital wing. Remus, Sirius, Peter, Sol and Cassandra were sitting on the floor near the locked doors. James had been in the hospital wing for two days, and they were letting nobody in to see him.  
  
"Lily, would you please sit down? You're making me dizzy," Sirius said. Although he sounded like his usual self, Sirius was shaken pretty badly. He couldn't seem to get the image of Lily thrown over James's body, sobbing uncontrollably.  
  
"I can't. I'm restless. God! When are then going to let us in?!" Lily exclaimed as she threw up her hands. "We haven't even seen him since they took him away. We don't even know what happened."  
  
"I know. But there's nothing we can do. There's nothing we can do but wait," Sirius said sympathetically.  
  
"There has to be something we can do. I can't stand all the waiting. It leaves me time to think. I can't stand it!"  
  
"Calm down, honey," Cassandra said. "I know how you feel. We all do. But there simply is nothing we can do."  
  
"I know, I know. It's just that I wish there was something I could do. I can't stand feeling helpless, and right now I feel as helpless as can be. Dumbledore hasn't come out of that room in two days and I'm afraid there's nothing I can do. I guess I'll just admit it. I'm terrified," she said as she turned to face the group. "I'm afraid that he'll never wake up. That he'll die on me."  
  
"We all are. We all are feeling the same thing you are. We all are afraid," Remus reasoned. "We all feel helpless. We all want to do something, but know we can't. So all we can do is wait, and hope. And have faith."  
  
"Why do you have to be so sensible, Remus?" Lily asked with a sigh.  
  
"It keeps the rest of the Marauders in check."  
  
"Yeah. We'll make it through this, guys. And so will James. We won't let him die."  
  
"Of course not, Lily of the Valley," Sirius said. "If he dies on us, I'll just have to kill him."  
  
"Oh, yeah, that'll work," Sol said sarcastically.  
  
"Yo, Wormtail! You still with us over there, buddy?" Sirius said. Peter had just been sitting in the corner with a distracted look on his face.  
  
"Hmm? Yeah, I'm here Padfoot."  
  
"What are ya thinking about over there? The only one that's supposed to think out of all of us is Remus. It doesn't work to well with the rest of the Marauders."  
  
"I'm trying to think about who would have done that to James."  
  
"Who isn't?" Lily replied. She knew that she had spent the whole night thinking of people.  
  
"The only people I can think of are Severus Snape and Lucious Malfoy," Peter said thoughtfully. "But they aren't that strong and they couldn't get into the Gryffindor rooms. They don't know the password or the entrance."  
  
"Unless they're as mischievous as we are, Wormtail. We know where the Slytherin entrance is."  
  
"I know, Moony, but we don't know the password. They can't be that good."  
  
"I don't know . . ."  
  
"Maybe it's -" Just then, Dumbledore opened the hospital wing door and came out with his back to the students. He almost walked right past them, and he looked like he was headed for the Gryffindor common room.  
  
"Professor!" Lily exclaimed as she jumped up. "How is James?"  
  
"Oh, hello, Lily. I didn't see you there. He's . . . recovering. I was just on my way to find you. Where is Remus, Sirius, Peter, Sol, and Cassandra?"  
  
"We're right here, Professor Dumbledore," Sirius said as he stood up with his arm around Cassandra. Remus stood up with Sol, and Peter stood alone. "How is he?"  
  
"He'll be fine in a few days. He's only allowed one visitor at a time, he needs his rest. And each of you will be allowed in to see him for ten minutes. I don't want James to get over excited."  
  
"Professor? Could I go in first? I'll be leaving soon and . . ."  
  
"Yes, Remus, you can. Go ahead in. I'll tell you when your time is up."  
  
"Thank you, Professor," Remus said and went through the door to see his friend.  
  
"Lily, you can go in next. I have to talk to you about what happened."  
  
"Do you have any idea who it could have been, Professor?" Sirius asked hopefully.  
  
"Yes, Sirius. I do."  
  
"Who, Professor? Who could have wanted to do such a thing to James? He hasn't done any wrong," Lily said.  
  
Dumbledore stood there and measured up the people that stood in front of them. He knew something that they didn't know he knew. He knew one amongst them was a traitor. Sirius stood there, serious for once in his life with Cassandra by his side. Cassandra leaned ever so slightly against him and waited for Dumbledore's answer. Sol waited for her love to return, and stood with hands clasped in front of her, knowing that the answer that was sure to come would not be good. Peter stood partly hidden by shadows, his face a mask. Remus came back and went directly to Sol and put his arm around her. Here was the voice of reason. Remus was kind, and his eyes were filled with pain. And Lily stood closest to Dumbledore, her eyes full of fire, pain, and knowledge. They all stood as a group, and Dumbledore knew one of them was a traitor.  
  
"What I am going to tell you now, you must never whisper to another soul. I'm only telling you because I know all of you love James to some degree or another. And I know that all of you would stand by him in a battle."  
  
"Who was it, Professor?" Lily whispered.  
  
"It was Voldemort." Gasps were heard around the group and Peter flinched at the name.  
  
"Voldemort? But why would he want to hurt James?" Lily asked, perplexed.  
  
"Because of his future," Dumbledore answered vaguely. "Lily, you may go in to see James now."  
  
"Thank you, Professor." As Lily turned to the doors, she felt a chill creep up her neck. She turned and saw the eyes of a traitor looking back at her.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
So, what do you think, guys? Poor James, he got hurt. (((tear))) Don't worry, he'll be fine. And I still didn't put more Peter or Sirius/Cassandra!! Bad me!! Don't worry it will show up. I promise. In the mean time, please review!! Like I said before, my ego loooves it! That and KFC. But that's besides the point. Review like (this is for you, Kayla) MAD AARDVARKS!! Well, over and out! 


	10. The Fight

Lily closed the door behind her and saw James, occupying the bed farthest from the door. She began to walk over there, then simply couldn't contain herself and ran all the way to his bedside. "James?"  
  
"Lily. Is that really you?" he asked hopefully.  
  
"Yes, it's really me, James," Lily said with a half smile as she sat on the bed. "How are you feeling?" she asked as she ran a hand through his unruly hair.  
  
"I'm okay, I suppose. Madame Monte fixed me up pretty good."  
  
"Yeah. You got pretty beat up, James. I was - I was afraid you were dead," she said, struggling to hold back tears.  
  
"But I wasn't. And I'm not going to die. I'm strong, Lily. I'll live through this."  
  
"Yes. You will," she said in a teary whisper.  
  
"Love, are you crying?"  
  
"Yes," she admitted, with tears coming down her face.  
  
"Why?"  
  
"Because I thought you were dead!"  
  
"You're crying for me?"  
  
"Yes, you stupid git. I hate crying over guys, even if they did have a near death experience."  
  
"Come here, love," James said as he held open his arms. Lily laid down next to him and rest her head on his shoulder and let the tears come. "You really care that much?"  
  
"Of course. James, you were almost dead. I didn't think you would pull through. I though you were going to die. And I couldn't do anything. James, what exactly did happen?"  
  
"Huh?" James replied distractedly. He couldn't seem to be able to escape the beautiful scent of her. Lilies and green grass. Spring scents. Scents that reminded him of moonlit walks.  
  
"What happened last night?"  
  
"I'm not sure."  
  
"James, just tell me."  
  
"It was really weird. When it happened, I thought I was still dreaming. I didn't really realize that it was real. Everything was sort of slow, and exaggerated."  
  
"What happened, James."  
  
"Lily, dear! You have to go," Madame Monte called. "Professor Dumbledore wants to talk to you."  
  
"I supposed I have to go," Lily said with a sigh.  
  
"I don't want you to."  
  
"I don't want to either. But I have to. Anybody in particular you want me to send in next?"  
  
"Yeah, send Sirius in. We can cook up a plot to get me out of here. I'll go nuts in another hour or so."  
  
"Okay," Lily said, and gave James a quick kiss before she sat up. "Just make sure you're up to your normal strength by Saturday. We have a game against the Slytherins, and the team won't be able to do it without their Seeker and Captain."  
  
"I'll be fine. I love you, Lily."  
  
"I'll see you later, James."  
  
"See you," he replied and watched the love of his life leave the room. He couldn't believe she still didn't love him. He loved her with all his heart, and she still didn't love him. Women were such fickle creatures. James heard Sirius enter the room (he never could seem to be quiet) and sat up as much as he could. He'd be damned if he was going to look sickly in front of Sirius.  
  
"Hey, Prongs old pal," Sirius announced as he plopped into a chair next to James's bed.  
  
"How's it going Padfoot?" James replied, fixing a smile on his face.  
  
"Pretty good, pretty good. I dumped that Missy Milicity. She wasn't a good of enough snog."  
  
"So who's the lucky girl now?"  
  
"Oh, nobody yet. I'm taking my time. Maybe I won't go out with anybody until after the holidays."  
  
"Why don't you just ask out Cassandra? We all know you like her."  
  
"Because she doesn't like me like that. It's not a big deal," Sirius said with a half shrug, "it's not like I can't get anyone else."  
  
"You love her, don't you?"  
  
"Huh? What? No! I don't love Cassandra! What are you smiling at?" Sirius demanded.  
  
"You're in love with Cassandra. Just ask her out Padfoot. The worst she could do is say no."  
  
"Yeah, that's what you say, all happy with your little Lily flower," Sirius said sarcastically and saw the smile fade from James's face. "What? What's wrong James?"  
  
"It's nothing," James mumbled half-heartedly. How was he supposed to explain to Sirius how he felt? Most likely Sirius would just laugh at him.  
  
"Come on, everybody knows you love Lily, and she's going out with you, so what's the problem?"  
  
"I said it's nothing, Padfoot. Now just leave it alone."  
  
"Fine, Prongs. I just don't like to see you unhappy. It's not good for the general moral of the Marauders. If one of us is unhappy, so are the rest of us."  
  
"I'm not unhappy. Just . . . confused," James corrected. Faintly he heard Madame Mote's clacking heels. "You have to go now, Sirius."  
  
"But-"  
  
"Your time's up, dearie," Madame Monte called to Sirius.  
  
"Yeah, it is. I'll see you later, Prongs."  
  
"See you later, Padfoot. And Padfoot? Find someway to get me out of here."  
  
"No problem."  
  
"Thanks, pal," he said and fell back on the covers. His head still felt faint from Lily's kiss and her scent.  
  
*~~~*~~~*~~~*~~~*  
  
Two days later, James made his way happily out of the hospital wing. He hated being in those hospital beds. They brought back too many bad memories. On impulse, he jumped up and clicked his heels. He felt bloody fantastic! As James approached the portrait of the Fat Lady, he was it swing open and a certain redhead come out. With a huge smile on his face, James ran to Lily, picked her up, and spun her around.  
  
"James! What are you doing? Put me down, you stupid git!" she squealed. (A/N: I really do call people stupid gits.) Despite her protests, Lily had a smile on her face that mirrored James's for sure.  
  
"How are you today, fair maiden?" he asked. Without waiting for an answer, he gave her an enthusiastic kiss. "I feel wonderful. How about we sneak away to the Head Lounge and neck?"  
  
"Uh, don't you want to see everybody first?" she asked half-heartedly.  
  
"I'll take that as a yes," he said and started to drag her to the painting of a field of flowers.  
  
"But, everybody will be worrying about you, James," she protested.  
  
"No they won't. They're smart enough to put two and two together."  
  
"What's that supposed to mean?"  
  
"With both of us gone - vitalus - they'll realized we're together. And we have to talk anyway." James led her to the couch and sat down. Still holding her hand, James pulled Lily onto his lap.  
  
"James, I think you should at least see your friends," she said softly, but didn't protest as he traced kisses along her neck.  
  
"I'm busy at the moment," he replied huskily and gave her a kind kiss. "They can wait."  
  
"All right. You convinced me." Lily stopped trying to protest and ran kisses up his neck. She lifted her face and eagerly kissed his lips. She heard James moan and she wrapped her arms around his neck. She teasingly ran her tongue over James's lips, urging them open. Lily was only half- aware that James was lowering her to the couch and stretching over her. He bent his head and scraped his teeth lightly over her throat. When James's hands slid under her shirt to slide along her ribs, she shivered in anticipation.  
  
Lily's skin felt like satin under James's hands. He wanted to give her a kiss on the little birthmark she had right next to her bellybutton. He started to remove her shirt, she wasn't moving as cooperatively a moment ago.  
  
"James," she said breathlessly, "we have to stop."  
  
"I know," he replied into her ear. "I just need you so much."  
  
"I feel the same way. I just can't, James, do you understand?"  
  
"Yes." James reluctantly sat up, but blocked her from sitting up. He ran a hands softly over her beautiful hair. "I really do love you."  
  
"I know."  
  
"Lily, what do you feel for me? What's hidden in your heart?"  
  
"I don't know."  
  
"Don't you love me, Lily?"  
  
"I don't know. Can I sit up?" Lily felt uneasy with James's pierce gaze boring into her with such intensity. James shifted reluctantly and she quickly jumped off the couch.  
  
"How can you know so much about everything else, but be so unwise about your own heart?"  
  
"I just am." Lily kept her back to James and walked over the to the fireplace. "It's the way I am."  
  
"But how can you not know what's in your very own heart?'  
  
"I guess I don't look hard or often enough."  
  
"Why don't you take a look as a favor to me?" James began to walk towards Lily.  
  
"I don't know if I'm willing." James was now directly behind her, she could feel his breath on the tip of her head.  
  
"Why not?"  
  
"Because I'm afraid," she admitted hesitantly.  
  
"Afraid of what? Me?" he asked when she didn't answer.  
  
"Yes."  
  
"Why are you afraid of me?" James spun Lily around and took hold of her arms. "Do you still think I'm some kind of monster? I love you, Lily!"  
  
"I know you do!"  
  
"They why don't you love me?!" Lily could tell he was angry, but - dammit - so was she. She hated how James poked and prodded at her constantly.  
  
"Because I can't! I've been through this with you, James. I can't love you because I'm horrible and disgusting and repulsive. You're too sweet for me."  
  
"Too sweet? I'm too sweet?!" James lifted Lily up off the floor and shook her not so lightly. "Am I too sweet now? I love you, Lily. And nothing will stop me from loving you."  
  
"Don't you think I know that? But that's what my father told my father, and he wasn't true to his word."  
  
"Don't you dare compare me to him! I'm nothing like your father!" he exclaimed and dropped Lily back to her feet.  
  
"He's the only person I can compare you to! What else am I supposed to do?" she said furiously.  
  
"Not compare me to him! Lily Evens, I love you and I'll stop at nothing to have you." He stalked away from her and began pacing.  
  
"What, am I just something you think you can win? Like some goddamn trophy?!" Oh, she was mad now. That Irish temper that she hid so well was out in full, and James had no idea what he was in for. "I'll be no man's prize, James Harold Potter!"  
  
"If I want you, I'll have you! And nothing will stop me!" he declared and stopped his pacing to look at Lily. She was simply quivering with anger.  
  
"I will stop you. I should have known you were such an arrogant bastard, Potter! With your rich family and fancy upbringing."  
  
"The way I raised has nothing to do with this! This is between you and me, Lily."  
  
"So, between you and me, huh? And you think that I'll let you have me, no protests?"  
  
"Yes, because I love you."  
  
"That doesn't sound like love to me, Potter. It sounds like a greedy demand."  
  
"I will have you, and nothing will stop me!"  
  
"I will stop you. I will stop you, if only to prove you wrong. And now nothing will make me love you," she said, stalking up to him so she could look directly in his face. There was no emotion in her voice, only severely controlled calm. "From this day on, I will loathe and despise the very sight of you. I will await eagerly for the day to come when I can be free of you, and the hatred the comes with you. I will not take you back, even if you come to me with your head on a platter."  
  
Saying this, Lily stepped briskly past him and made her way to the room exit. She turned around one last time and saw James frozen in the same spot. "In other words, Potter, we're through. Finished. No longer an item." And she left the room.  
  
James was, in one word, shell-shocked. He couldn't believe what had just happened. Had lily really broken up with him? Did the woman he love with all his heart just ripped him apart and fed him to the dogs? It felt like it. It felt like Lily had ripped out his heart still beating and trampled it - no, shredded it - until nothing was left but a bloody mass. And it hurt like hell. 


	11. Preparing

Hello readers! Before you read the next chapter, I just wanted to answer a few questions. Well, actually one question. I know I was supposed to start tutoring, and it will happen. I promise. Just right now there is a lot of stuff going on and it was kind of hard to put that all in. I think tutoring starts in Chapter 19 or something like that. In the mean time, read these chapters and tell me what you think. Thanks!  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~**~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
"Lily, what's the matter?" Cassandra asked. Her, Lily, and Sol were lazily sitting by the fire in the Gryffindor common room. Lily shrugged for an answer. She had been very non-conversational lately, and - being one of Lily's best friends - Cassandra was pretty sure she knew what was wrong. "Did you and James have a fight?"  
  
"Not exactly."  
  
"What do you mean 'not exactly'? What happened, Lily?" Sol asked tenderly.  
  
"I don't want to talk about it," she replied and stood up. "I'm going to the Library. I have to work on some things for Transfiguration." Both Sol and Cassandra stared after Lily. She was never this moody.  
  
"This doesn't bode well," Cassandra mumbled under her breath.  
  
"Look at James," Sol said. James was looking at Lily leave. He had an expression of such pain and sadness on his face that it ripped Cassandra apart (being the hopeless romantic she was). "I wonder what happened between those two."  
  
"I'm going to do more that wonder," she announced and made her way to where the Marauders were sitting. She comfortably sat on the arm of Sirius's chair. "Hey, guys. What's up?"  
  
"Nothing," James replied, still looking at the portrait where Lily had exited. "Where did Lily go?"  
  
"She went to the Library. She had some Transfiguration to do," Cassandra said casually. She way paying too much attention to Sirius's hand that was lazily stroking her back to notice the warning in Sol's eyes.  
  
"I'll be back, guys," James mumbled as he stood up. He quickly left the room  
  
"Cassandra!" Sol hissed. "Why did you tell him where Lily was?"  
  
"Hmm? Oh, why not?" she said as she sat up straight. Sirius had been massaging her back and had hit a particularly sensitive spot. "What happened with them, anyway. When we asked Lily, all she said was that she didn't want to talk about it."  
  
"Yeah, Remus, do you know what happened?" Sol asked as she sat next to him on the couch.  
  
"I'm not sure, he didn't tell me."  
  
"They broke up," Peter said abruptly.  
  
"Yeah, they did," Sirius added unnecessarily.  
  
"Why didn't he tell me?" Remus said, obviously hurt by James's actions.  
  
"I guess he still feels he can't trust you," Sirius replied.  
  
"Why, what have I done to him?"  
  
"It's what you did to Lily. He loves her, you know. With all his heart," Cassandra said as Sirius pulled her into his lap. "And she still loves you." At Remus's astonished expression, she merely laughed bitterly. "Take the blinders off, Remus. She brightens up whenever you enter the room, with Sol or not. She told you she would always love you. And she will, deep in her heart."  
  
"But that's ridiculous!" he protested.  
  
"That's Lily," she retorted. There were a few moments of thoughtful silence until Sol spoke.  
  
"I wonder who broke up with who," Sol pondered.  
  
"I think she broke up with him. He does love her, as Cassandra so wisely pointed out," Sirius reasoned.  
  
"I think so, too," Cassandra replied with a sigh. "What are we going to do with those guys? All they do is argue."  
  
"I don't know. I simply don't know," Remus said with a shake of his head.  
  
However, one of them knew exactly what to do. He was to do what he had been told to do. He would follow orders perfectly and have tons of fun in the process. He couldn't wait to see James Harold Potter destroyed, and if Lily Evens happened to get in the way, she'd be destroyed just as efficiently. A waste of a fine woman, but she was stupid to hang around with Potter. Yes, he would enjoy destroying the both of them.  
  
*~~~*~~~*~~~*~~~*  
  
James hurried tot he Library so he could talk to Lily. But he was afraid she wasn't going to speak to him. He was afraid Lily would keep her promise and never speak to him again. He was afraid Lily had already damned him to hell and back again. He was afraid Lily would never forgive him. He was afraid Lily would hate him for all eternity. And he was afraid of a life without the joy Lily brought to it.  
  
James entered the Library and casually pretended to look at the books that lined the shelves as he searched for Lily. He finally found her pouring over a book at a table, all alone. Quickly scanning the area, he saw that they were the only two people there. He cautiously made his way to where Lily sat, her hair falling graciously about her face.  
  
"Need help?" he asked casually as he sat. When Lily lifted her head, James felt every shimmer of hope he held disappear. She looked right through him. She looked back at her book and continued to read as if he had never spoken. "Lily, I want to talk to you."  
  
She didn't answer.  
  
"I need to talk to you."  
  
She kept reading.  
  
"Lily, won't you speak to me?"  
  
No answer.  
  
"Not even to say hello?"  
  
No answer.  
  
"Why can't you even be civil towards me?"  
  
She turned the page with a slightly shaking hand and continued reading.  
  
"Did I hurt you that badly?"  
  
Still, no answer.  
  
"I love you."  
  
No answer.  
  
"I really do, you know." James sighed and placed his hand over Lily's, hoping for some reaction now that he touched her. It brought a reaction, but not the way he hoped or thought. Lily didn't hold it or scream or swear or fight or curse him. No, she did none of those things.  
  
Lily slowly moved her hand out from under his - not even quickly like she couldn't bear his touch, but as if his touch was something treasured that she couldn't have and she wanted to hold onto it as long as possible, but had to let go - and cradled it in her other hand. Then she brought it to her cheek to catch a stray tear that had escaped. She sighed, closed her book, and walked away. She walked away with that hand on her cheek and more tears escaping every second. And she walked away knowing she could never accept the love that she yearned so much for. That's when she knew that there was only one choice left. Lily made her way to her dormitory with lines of the poem she would soon write dancing in her head.  
  
James sat awestruck and heartbroken, thinking about what had happened. Lily hadn't spoken to him at all. She had ignored him. And she had looked so hurt and vulnerable before she had left; the mere memory of it made him ache with sadness. What had he done? Oh, what had he done to the only woman he could ever love? "What have I done?" he mumbled miserable aloud and put his aching head in his hands. "Oh, dear god, what in the world have I done?"  
  
*~~~*~~~*~~~*~~~*  
  
Lily sat on her bed in her room with a piece of parchment, a quill, and an inkwell. Then she began her poem:  
  
I'm Sorry  
  
I'm sorry it had to be like this, but how can I explain how I feel?  
  
I'm sorry, but I truly do wish that none of this was real.  
  
I wish this wasn't happening, I wish I didn't have to go.  
  
I wish I wasn't leaving, but you'll think of me, I know.  
  
I shall miss every one of you, and think of you wherever I am.  
  
All the words I say are true, and I shall be with you when I can.  
  
I love you all and will stay within your heart.  
  
But now I must take that final fall and I'm sorry I must part.  
  
I'm sorry it had to be like this, but how can I explain how I feel?  
  
I'm sorry, but I truly do wish that none of this was real.  
  
Love, Lily  
  
Lily carefully folded her parchment and put it on the pillow of her bed. On another piece she wrote:  
  
"Dear Sol, Cassandra and my beloved Marauders,  
  
None of this is your fault. I simply cannot bear living anymore. Life is becoming too difficult and depressing. I love you all, every single one of you, and will remember you wherever I am. Don't follow in my footsteps, I am a coward. I'm sorry.  
  
Sol, I know you'll treat Remus well and love him rightly. I love you.  
  
Remus, I love you with all my heart. Take care of my little sunshine.  
  
Cassandra, I love you. I'll miss you. I'll miss your quick laughter and impeccable ability to cheer me up. I'll be waiting for you.  
  
Peter, I'll miss you my little friend. Keep Sirius and James in check, make sure they don't get in too much trouble without me.  
  
Sirius, you silly fool. I'll miss you immensely. Especially that silly crooked grin you always get right before a good prank. Make sure you don't get in too much trouble (what am I saying, this is you I'm talking about!).  
  
James, I know you'll blame this on yourself because that's just how you are. But it's not your fault. You can't blame yourself. So don't sulk too long on my part. Get Malfoy and Snape good for me, the stupid gits.  
  
Love, Lily"  
  
She then placed that over her poem and returned her quill and inkwell to their rightful places. Lily put her wand on top of the letters and considered that the final touch. She took a deep breath and realized she felt unusually calm. Slowly, she made her way to the Astronomy Tower. Everybody would be at dinner now and she would hopefully be able to make it there without being noticed.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
Don't hate me, don't hate me! It gets better, I swear! Just don't hate me and review! I promise that it gets better and . . . well, good stuff happens. Just trust me and review.  
  
P.S. - Here's a nice little special note to Bic Papermate: I know that her name means sun in Spanish (as well as a few other languages) and I thought I'd call her Sol because, well, my middle name is Sol. I figured that way I was in the story! 


	12. The Fall

After considerable debate with himself, James decided he had to talk to Lily. He felt absolutely horrible and he had to apologize to her. Even if she didn't answer, he had to let her know how he felt. He quickly went out of this dormitory and ran to Lily's. he knocked, but heard no answer. "Lily? Are you in there? Lily," he called and opened the door. Being a man, James was amazed at the impeccable neatness of the room. Women truly were amazing and wondrous creatures. (A/N: Ask a woman, she'll tell you I'm right) A scan around the room showed clearly that Lily was not there. James was just about to leave when he saw the parchment on the bed. He picked up the first piece and read it quickly.  
  
" 'None of this is your fault'," James mumbled. "What does she mean? 'Can't bear living anymore'? She's going to kill herself!" he said, finally realizing what the letter meant. Then he saw the other piece of parchment. With shaky fingers, James picked it up and carefully unfolded it. And read Lily's poem. By the time he finished, tears were streaming down his face. He couldn't believe what he had just read. Lily - beautiful, wonderful Lily - was going to commit suicide. He had to stop her. But what could he do? She hadn't said where she would be. Then the light dawned. " 'But now I must take that final fall.' The Astronomy Tower!"  
  
With all possible speed, James ran out of the dormitories to the Astronomy Tower, not caring who he ran into. James had no idea how many people he bumped or knocked over. He didn't even stop when he ran Professor Dumbledore over "Sorry, Professor!" he called hastily over his shoulder.  
  
"No trouble, my boy. No trouble," Dumbledore called back. He got up, not at all surprised to see James keep running without looking back.  
  
*~~~*~~~*~~~*~~~*  
  
Lily stood in the Astronomy Tower to look at the stars one last time. She felt a kind of . . . calm here. She always did. The stars looked beautiful and bright on this wonderfully clear night. It was almost a full moon. It was too bad she couldn't see the full moon one last time. With a small sigh, she climbed up on the windowsill.  
  
"Nooo!" she heard a familiar voice scream breathlessly. "Lily, don't do it."  
  
"Why not, James?" She couldn't bring herself to look at him. It would hurt too much. Indeed, it hurt enough just hearing his voice.  
  
"Because you would be wasting your life."  
  
"It's mine to waste."  
  
"Nobody's life is their own."  
  
"Mine is." Lily hugged herself, starting to have doubts about jumping.  
  
"Only if you want it to be. Only if you tell yourself it is."  
  
"I don't tell myself it is. It just is. Always has been."  
  
"That can be changed."  
  
"No, it can't." Lily moved closer to the edge of the sill.  
  
"Don't do it, Lily! Please."  
  
"Why ever not?"  
  
"Because people love you."  
  
"I know."  
  
"And I love you."  
  
"I know," she answered wearily. "That's why I have to go over that edge. I don't deserve your love. Or anyone else's." Lily jumped off the ledge and fell hearing James's scream. And as she fell, she didn't see her life flash before her eyes, but James's face. His foolishly happy face with those beautiful brown eyes. Then she saw white and landed on the ground.  
  
Lily didn't move when a big black dog with startling blue eyes nuzzled her head. The dog whimpered and licked her cheek. When she still didn't wake, the dog changed. It changed into Sirius. "Padfoot?" somebody asked behind him cautiously. Sirius bent down and gently picked up the Lily's limp body into his arms. Then he turned to face James.  
  
"I'm sorry, Prongs. I'm so sorry," Sirius said in a husky voice. He was fighting a battle within himself and miserable failing. Tears escaped his saddened eyes.  
  
"No, no. She can't be. She can't be," he replied unbelievingly. James raised a hand to touch Lily's fiery mane of hair, but he let it fall before he touched her. "She can't be dead."  
  
"I - I'll take her to Madame Monte. Will you come with me, James?" he asked hesitantly.  
  
"I'll be there in a second, Padfoot," he said and barely noticed when Sirius moved past him with his lost love in his arms. On legs made of lead, James walked over to the place where Lily had fallen. He saw a puddle of blood and watched his tears mingle with it. "Don't leave me, love. Don't leave me. Don't die. I won' let you. Get better. Please get better," he whispered and began to make his way to the hospital wing.  
  
*~~~*~~~*~~~*~~~*  
  
"It's all my fault. It's all my fault," James repeated to himself in the common room. It didn't matter that people flocked around him, he was all alone. "It's all my fault."  
  
"No, it's not. It's nobody's fault," Remus reasoned.  
  
"It's all my fault."  
  
"It's not your fault, James," Cassandra said and tenderly laid a hand on his shoulder. "It's not your fault."  
  
"It's all my fault. She jumped because of me. It's my fault."  
  
"Goddamn it, James! It's not your fault!" Sirius exclaimed. "If it was your fault, then it's my fault too! And Remus's and Sol's and Cassandra's and Peter's! It's not your fault or anyone else's. It's not our fault."  
  
"Yes, it is. You weren't there. You didn't see her. You didn't hear her voice, the anguish and pain that filled it. She jumped because of me. Because of me. She wouldn't be hanging on to a thread of life if I was here."  
  
"James, don't you hear what we're saying? Don't you know we feel the same?" Sol said. "We all feel responsible, James. We all feel the weight of it on our shoulders."  
  
"But it's not your fault. It's mine."  
  
"James, it's not your fault. You just feel the bulk of it because you love her. We all love, but you love her the most. So you feel the most responsible."  
  
"It's all my fault."  
  
"Shut up, James! Stop the goddamn self-pity kick," Sirius said, tired of hearing Jams whine. "I don't want to hear your shit anymore! I don't want to have to keep listening to your self-pity bullshit! It's not your fault, and bloody well know it!"  
  
"It's my goddamn fault because that's how I feel and know it is."  
  
"Exactly! You think it's your fault because you're too fucking stubborn to see it any other way! She told us it wasn't our fault!"  
  
"She could fucking die!"  
  
"We know! But you don't have to keep saying she jumped because of you."  
  
"Well, she did. Do you want to know why she jumped? And it wasn't because she couldn't bear to live anymore. It was because I love her. My goddamn love made her jump. I made her jump! I forced her over that cursed edge! I might as well have picked her up and threw her out that bloody window!" For a few seconds, everybody just stared open mouthed at this revelation. They knew Lily had spoken to James before she jumped, but the hadn't known what she had said. Until now.  
  
"James . . ." Cassandra began sympathetically. She quickly broke off as he stood up.  
  
"Leave me alone."  
  
"James -"  
  
"I said, leave me alone!" James stalked off to his dormitory.  
  
"That went over well," Peter muttered and was rewarded with a smack on the back of his head by Sirius. "Hey!"  
  
"Do you think someone should go talk to him?" Remus thought aloud.  
  
"I vote for Sirius," Cassandra said as she lounged lazily in a chair.  
  
"Me? Why me?" Sirius objected.  
  
"Because you don't bruise as easily as the rest of us do," she sneered.  
  
"Yeah, go ahead, Sirius," Sol prompted.  
  
"All right, all right, stop badgering me. but if I get a black eye, all of you are going to get it."  
  
"Oh, I'm so scared!"  
  
"You better be, Cassandra. Because it's you I'll get first," he promised then went up the stairs to James's dormitory.  
  
"Heh, empty promises," she said carelessly.  
  
"I HEARD THAT!"  
  
"Of course you did," she yelled back. "I swear, he's got the biggest ears in the wizarding world. We might as well call him Dumbo," Cassandra muttered to her friends and was earned with their appreciative chuckles.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
Hey, I'm sorry that was so depressing, guys. Don't get made at me!! Please, no Flamers!! Things get better, I promise!! They do get better! Good things will happen! 


	13. Visitors

Sirius had to admit to himself while he made his way to James's dormitory that he was a little scared at the thought of what James might do to him. James didn't seem to be in a good mood (for good reasons) and he usually became rather violent when he wasn't in a good mood. Sirius knew this from first hand experience. Like the time James got a letter from his parents saying that he couldn't come home for vacation because of his bad grades. James had been furious and Sirius (the fool that he is) tried to console him. Sirius had ended up with a broken nose. Taking a deep breath, he knocked on James's door.  
  
"Go away," James called immediately.  
  
"Okay," Sirius replied and walked right in. James was laying on his back in his bed and looked miserable.  
  
"I said go away, not come in, you idiotic dolt."  
  
"I know."  
  
"Then why are you still here?"  
  
"Because when my best friend looks as miserable as you do right now, I do not walk away and leave him by himself. That could lead to bad tidings," he said and sat on a chair near James's bed.  
  
"Go away."  
  
"James, quit it. I'm just as shaken up as you are about this. I feel horrible. Just bloody horrible. I feel like I'm constantly sick, but there isn't a cure. And there's no way to make me better. Do you know what I mean?" Sirius asked.  
  
"Yes. I know exactly what you mean." With a great sigh, James sat up and looked at Sirius. "And it makes you want to die. Right then and there."  
  
"Yeah, that's it. So, you're not going to break my nose or anything like that, are you?" Sirius asked uneasily.  
  
"No, why would I?"  
  
"Because last time you got in a pissy mood you busted my nose. I didn't even give you a bruise."  
  
"Bet that pissed you off."  
  
"Yeah. One of these days I'm gonna get you, Potter. One of these days."  
  
"Sure, whatever," he said with a small laugh. James had to admit the Sirius always made him feel better.  
  
"Are you going to come down?" Sirius inquired as he got up.  
  
"Not right now."  
  
"Hey, just because they cancelled the last Quidditch game before the holidays doesn't mean you have to sulk up here until Christmas."  
  
"I know."  
  
"Speaking of, don't forget about Christmas Eve. It's a full moon, Prongsie pal."  
  
"I know. Another three days to go. I'll be down for dinner, don't worry about me."  
  
"It's my job to worry about you. I'm your best friend. I'll see you later, James." Sirius walked over to the door and left the room.  
  
"See you." James was now left with himself and the silence. Just the way he liked it. Now it could think about what had exactly happened last night. Lily had said that she didn't deserve his love, or anyone else's. And why didn't she? Lily was perfect and deserved more than he could give her. Lily deserved everything. Why did she have to jump? Now James may never have the chance to see her beautiful smile or hear her angelic laughter. James was afraid that without Lily in his life, he would never be happy again. Lily had to make it through this. If she didn't James had nothing to live for. He would have nothing to bring him hope to go on to the next day. With a sigh, James went down to the common room so he could go with his friends to dinner in the Great Hall.  
  
*~~~*~~~*~~~*~~~*  
  
Peter quietly made his way out of the Gryffindor common room and transformed. On small scampering feet, Peter made his way to the hospital wing. He wanted to go see Lily. He wanted to see what she knew. Because he was in his Animagus form, it took awhile before Peter reached the hospital wing. But it was worth it. He was able to slip through a crack in the wall and transformed once he reached Lily's bed.  
  
"Lily?" he whispered tentatively. He was rewarded by a small moan. "Lily, wake up. I need to talk to you." Lily's eyelids fluttered for a second, then opened.  
  
"Peter?"  
  
"Yes, it's me."  
  
"What are you doing here?"  
  
"I need to talk to you."  
  
"About what?"  
  
"About what you know."  
  
"What I know? What do you mean?" Lily asked, obviously confused.  
  
"What do you know about You-Know-Who, Lily? What do you know?"  
  
"About You-Know-Who . . . do you mean Voldemort? I don't know anything about him."  
  
"Don't be cute, Lily. It doesn't suit you. You're holding something back, and I know it."  
  
"I'm not holding anything back. I don't know what you're talking about," her attempts at convincing Peter she was telling the truth ended up in a gasp. Peter sneered in her face as his fingers clasped around her neck.  
  
"You know exactly what I'm talking about. Perhaps a little dream, eh?"  
  
"A dream?" Suddenly, Lily remembered the dream she had about James, her, a baby and . . . "The man with the cold laugh. He was Voldemort. What does it mean?"  
  
"Tell me what you know, Lily flower. Tell me, or I could easily end your existence and nobody would be the wiser."  
  
"Fine, I'll tell you . . ." Lily told Peter everything she could remember about the dream. Every single detail she revealed to the slimy man that stood in front of her. "And that's everything."  
  
"I'll be back, Lily my dear. Don't worry, you won't remember any of this," Peter assured her and said an incantation. "It was all a nightmare. That you won't remember. Sweet dreams, Lily my love," Peter transformed back into a rat form and Lily fell asleep.  
  
*~~~*~~~*~~~*~~~*  
  
The next day, James went down to the hospital wing directly after breakfast. He had to see Lily, and nothing was going to stop him. Not even Madame Monte. "No, you can't see Lily, James. She's not well enough for visitors."  
  
"I will see her, Madame Monte. No matter what you say. You know how tenacious I can get," James implied.  
  
"All right, five minutes."  
  
"Fifteen."  
  
"No. five is good enough."  
  
"Fine is most unsatisfactory. Fifteen, Madame Monte."  
  
"Fifteen is too long. You'll wear her out. I'll settle for ten."  
  
"Deal. Call me when I have to go."  
  
"I will, James Potter." Madame Monte merely shook her head at his retreating back. "Rash young boy. He'll have trouble when he's older."  
  
Unaware of Madame Monte's predictions, James spotted Lily on her hospital bed, and she was looking directly at him with a slight smile on her face. "Hey, Lily," he said and sat down on her bed.  
  
"Hey, James. I bet you'd be a whiz at auctions."  
  
"Auctions?"  
  
"It's a Muggle way to sell things. What are you doing here?"  
  
"I came to talk to you. Today the holidays start. Sol and Cassandra persuaded their parents to let them stay over the holidays. They told me to tell you they love you and to stay happy until they could convince Madame Monte the hospital wing Nazi to let you have more than one visitor."  
  
"I'll miss them."  
  
"I know."  
  
"What did you want to talk about?"  
  
"I wanted to talk to you about what had happened the other night. Not when you attempted suicide," he said quickly, reading the weariness in her eyes correctly. "But when I fought Voldemort."  
  
"You knew. You knew it was him."  
  
"Yes. Now shush and let me tell you. I only have about eight minutes left."  
  
"Okay."  
  
Flashback:  
  
James was unbelievably happy. Lily was sleeping by his side and he loved her so much. He knew that one day, she would return that love. He just knew it. With a slight smile on his face, he brushed his lips over the top of Lily's head and breathed in deep. He was immediately over powered by her intoxicating scent. Just as he was about to drift into blissful sleep, a cold chill went up his spine and he came. Voldemort stood in the doorway looking at Lily and James, his disgust evident on his face. Sitting up, James laid Lily's head carefully on the pillow and went over to Voldemort.  
  
"What do you want? You have no need, nor any right, to be here." James said.  
  
"I have every need. And every right," Voldemort replied in a cold voice.  
  
"What do you want?" James repeated.  
  
"You and your pretty flower."  
  
"You can't have either."  
  
"Oh, I mean to have you, James. And I get what I want." Voldemort was sneering at James now. Both had looks of utter loathing on their faces. "I knew this day would come. I will get you, James Potter."  
  
"I'd like to see you try."  
  
"I'll not only try, I'll succeed. And I won't stop until I see you dead and your flower under my command."  
  
"That day will never come, Voldemort. You cannot take her. I won't let you."  
  
"Ha! Won't let me? I'll get her, James. You wait and see."  
  
"Enough talk. I tire of it."  
  
"Fine with me. Just one thing before we begin." Voldemort pointed his wand at Lily and murmured an incantation. "We don't want your little flower to wake up unexpectedly, do we? Expelliarmus!" Voldemort yelled, and successfully knocked James to the floor. "Weren't prepared, were you?" James just sneered as he got up. Voldemort lifted his wand and James began to float in the air. "I'm more powerful than you are, boy. And you know it." With a flick of Voldemort's wrist, James was thrown against the dresser and cried out as the corner went right into his spine. "Come closer, my boy," Voldemort said, and James floated over to him. "I shall enjoy killing you."  
  
"You won't succeed." James's voice was raspy and harsh. His head snapped back as Voldemort punched him on the chin. Blood came down from his lip. "I'm going to make you scream in pain, James."  
  
"I don't think you will."  
  
"You think wrongly. I pity you, James. You'll never see your flower again." Voldemort shook his head in mock sympathy. "Poor child." This time he scratched his nails across James's cheek and left a bloody trail. His hand clasped around James's neck and squeezed. James gasped for breath and tried to pry Voldemort's hand off of his neck. Then they heard footsteps come up the steps. "I'll get you later," Voldemort promised and threw the unconscious James to the floor. He jumped out the window and disappeared from sight.  
  
End Flashback  
  
"And that's what happened," James said calmly.  
  
"Oh, James, that's so horrible!" Lily looked perfectly mortified that such a thing could happen to him.  
  
"Lily, you should have seen the look on his face when he spoke of you." Even the memory of it made James shiver in repulsion. "It was such a hungry look. A look of . . . wanting. It was predatory and sickening. And it made me want to make sure you never got into his hands. Because if you did, he'd do terrible things to you."  
  
"James . . ."  
  
"Why did you jump, Lily?" James asked, quickly changing the subject. Lily immediately looked away from James's face.  
  
"I don't want to talk about it."  
  
"Lily, look at me." When she still avoided his gaze, James held her chin in his hand and forced her to look at him. "Why did you do it?"  
  
"I don't want to talk about it."  
  
"Tell me, Lily."  
  
"Some other day," Lily said reluctantly as she heard Madame Monte's heels clicking on the floor.  
  
"All right. I love you. I hope you get out before Christmas."  
  
"She will," Madame Monte confirmed. "But for now, Lily's still my patient and you have to give her the rest she needs."  
  
"All right. I'll come to visit you as soon as possible, Lily," James then got up and walked after Madam Monte.  
  
"I love you," Lily whispered soft enough that only she knew the word was uttered.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
How's that guys? Is it better than the last few? I know it's less depressing, and Lily (the stupid git) finally admits she's in love with James. And it's about time, too. Review!! 


	14. She's Back

"It's Christmas Eve, Moony. Save your energy," Sirius said to a worried Remus. "We'll need to tonight."  
  
"I know, I know. I'm just restless." This comment was not needed, as it was obvious that Remus was 'restless'. He had been pacing the common room and every time he began to sit, he'd jump right back up again. "I guess I'm kind of anxious, too. Lily's supposed to get out today."  
  
"I know," James said softly. He couldn't wait to see Lily. This was the first time he'd spoken all morning. Even those two words seemed hard pressed to come out. His throat felt as if it was closing in on him. His tongue felt think and heavy. Butterflies were in his stomach. He had to admit it to himself, James was nervous. James Harold Potter was nervous about seeing a girl. Maybe because it wasn't just any girl he was going to see, but it was the girl he was determined to spend the rest of his life with. No matter what she said.  
  
"You love her, don't you?" Remus asked abruptly. When James just stared at him blankly, Remus tilted his head and waited for an answer.  
  
"Yes, I do," James confessed. "Very much, as a matter of fact." For some reason, it made him feel better after saying it aloud to someone other than Lily.  
  
"Aww, is our little Jamesie-poo in love?" Sirius said and fluttered his eyelashes.  
  
"Maybe. I've noticed that you've been cozying up to Cassandra lately. Has our little Sirry-poo fallen in love?" James countered and held a hand over his heart. Sirius blushed slightly and slid a look over to where Cassandra was sitting.  
  
"No. We're just friends," he denied.  
  
"What do you mean 'just friends'?" James asked in disbelief. His friends always asked out a girl at the first chance he got, if she was pretty enough. And Cassandra was definitely pretty enough.  
  
"You mean you haven't even asked her out?! James, this is fantastic!" Remus proclaimed and finally sat down, enjoying Sirius's obvious discomfort enough to stop pacing.  
  
"Imagine, Sirius the Great is afraid of rejection," Peter added with a laugh. "I never thought I'd see this day!"  
  
"Ha ha. You guys are so hilarious," Sirius said sarcastically. "And, for your information, I am not 'afraid of rejection'. I just haven't gotten around to asking her out yet."  
  
"Yeah, right," James said as Peter snorted in skepticism. "If you're so confident, then why don't you go ask her out now?" he asked with a twinkle in his eye and a broad smile on his face.  
  
"Okay, then. I will." Sirius jumped out of his chair and stalked determinedly over to where Cassandra was playing Wizard's Chess with Sol. As the rest of the Marauders sat back to enjoy the show, Sirius sat down in a chair next to Cassandra and cleared his throat. "Cassandra?"  
  
"Could you wait a sec, Si? I've almost got her," she answered distractedly, not looking up from her game. "Rook to D5." At her command, her rook moved to D5. "Check."  
  
"Dammit," Sol mumbled. "Uh, king to E6."  
  
"I'll get you, Henderson. You just wait and see. AHA!" At this exclamation, Cassandra sat up and her eyes brightened cheerfully.  
  
"Uh-oh." Sol knew that sound, and it meant that she was going to loose. Damn.  
  
"Queen to E4. Checkmate."  
  
"Dammit, dammit, dammit. I'll get you next time, Weeks."  
  
"Promises, promises. So," Cassandra said, turning to Sirius as Sol cleaned up the game, "what's up?"  
  
"Will you go out with me?"  
  
"Excuse me?" Cassandra said, blinking at his question.  
  
"I said -"  
  
"I heard what you said. That was an 'excuse me' of disbelief."  
  
"Oh, so is that a yes or a no?"  
  
"It's an 'Oh my god, did he just ask me that?' But that's okay," Cassandra said, happy to see Sirius squirm, "it's not a bad reaction."  
  
"That's comforting. I suppose. So, what's your answer?" Please say yes, please say yes, he thought. He had to admit, he was the slightest bit "afraid of rejection".  
  
"Well . . ." Cassandra stalled and looked away as if pondering over some great and mystical question.  
  
"Goddamn it, woman! Are you trying to kill me?"  
  
"If I said yes, it would last longer than a week, right?" she asked as she turned her gaze back to Sirius.  
  
"Huh?"  
  
"This isn't going to be one of your famous week long flings, right?" Cassandra asked, keeping eye contact with him.  
  
"Right."  
  
"Okay, then," she said with a shrug of her shoulders.  
  
"Is that a yes?" he said impatiently.  
  
"Yes."  
  
"YIPPIE!" Sirius exclaimed as he picked her off her feet by her waist and placed a big kiss on Cassandra's lips.  
  
"Go Sirius!" Remus called laughing. The Marauders all began to clap and whistle and Cassandra pulled away, smiling.  
  
"Hey, did they know that was going to happen?" she asked suspiciously.  
  
"Maybe," Sirius answered evasively.  
  
Cassandra pounced on him and the force of the blow knocked him to the floor. "You little -"  
  
"Hey, leave him alone, you hussy. I like my friends in one piece," somebody interrupted. Everyone looked up from where Cassandra had Sirius pinned to the floor to the doorway and saw their favorite redhead smiling with hands sassily on her hips.  
  
"LILY!" Cassandra jumped off of Sirius and leaped into Lily's arms. "Oh my god, I can't believe you're here! I've missed you so much!"  
  
"Oh, I missed you, too!" Lily squeezed Cassandra as tight as she could, reveling in the familiar feel of her.  
  
"Hey, other people would like to greet Lily flower," Sirius said, trying to keep his voice light and carefree, and Cassandra pulled away.  
  
"Oh, shut up, you stupid git." Tears were forming in Cassandra's eyes.  
  
"Could I get a hug, too?" he asked with half a smile.  
  
"Of course," Lily pronounced and threw herself at him. "I'm so glad I'm back."  
  
"So am I. Things aren't the same without you, Lils," Sirius broke the hug and lightly ruffled her hair, desperately trying to deny that there were tears in his eyes too.  
  
"SOL!" Lily exclaimed and launched herself at her friend with such force, it almost knocked them over. Tears were forming in her eyes, too.  
  
"Sirius is right: nothing's the same without you. What would we have done without you, Lily?"  
  
"Oh, I don't know what made me do it, but I'm glad I survived." All three girls were openly crying now.  
  
"Hey, don't cry, guys. This is supposed to be a happy occasion," Remus said from behind them. "And besides, Sirius might start crying too."  
  
"I will not," Sirius grumbled.  
  
"And the voice of reason! I missed you, Remus," Lily said as she hugged him tight.  
  
"I missed you, too, Lily." Remus ran a hand lightly over her hair, glad that she didn't hold grudges as long as James did.  
  
"And Peter, I missed you, too!" Lily untangled herself out of Remus's arms and hugged Peter. As soon as she touched him, she saw a flash of a rat. A rat with Peter's eyes. Just as she began to puzzle it out, a voice interrupted her thoughts.  
  
"Hey, what about me? Didn't you miss me too?" James asked, hoping Lily would greet him as enthusiastically as she did the rest of the gang. Lily turned and with wet eyes ran up to James. She wrapped her arms around his neck and held on tight.  
  
"Yes, I missed you, James," she whispered. She felt him tighten his arms around her waist and raised up on her toes so she could whisper in his ear. "I'm sorry, James. Forgive me. For everything."  
  
"I forgive you," he whispered huskily. His voice was stuck in his throat.  
  
"Thank you." Lily turned her head and kissed him softly on the lips. She felt James jerk against her, and deepened the kiss, feeling pure female pleasure at his reaction. She pulled away when somebody cleared their throat, but didn't let go. Instead, she buried her head in James's shoulder. Lily felt him gently lay a cheek on the top of her head and sighed. James let out a sigh of his own and felt perfectly content to stay there for another ten years or so.  
  
"But why, Lily? Why?" he whispered, unsure that he was heard.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
I know that was a pretty short chapter, but the next one will be longer, I promise. 


	15. A Little Adventure

"Remus is hiding something from me," Sol announced and she and her friends lounged in the common room. The Marauders were nowhere to be seen.  
  
"Well, what can you do? Men are born deceivers," Cassandra countered off- handedly.  
  
"We'll ignore that fact for the moment and pretend that men weren't born to deceive. He's still hiding something from me."  
  
"I know what she means," Lily broke in. "The Marauders are definitely not telling us something."  
  
"So . . ."  
  
"So, Cassandra my friend, aren't you suspicious at what it is? Aren't you wondering what it could be?" Lily asked, knowing her friend's mind.  
  
"Well, maybe a little. But how do you suppose we go about discovering this little, dirty secret?"  
  
"Yeah, how are we supposed to do this, Lily?" Sol asked, backing up Cassandra.  
  
"Well, I heard James talking to Sirius and Peter about going out tonight. And when I came up to them, they stopped talking, so it's probably something they don't want us to know. Therefor, the 'little , dirty secret' that we have to uncover."  
  
"Okay, Einstein, then what do you think we should do?" Cassandra questioned. But she had to admit that she was getting rather interested. And it was about time for an adventure.  
  
"We follow them."  
  
"Sounds like a plan. Let's do it!" Sol said enthusiastically.  
  
"I'm in," Cassandra said, trying to sound reluctant, when inside her stomach was jumping in anticipation.  
  
"Cool. Let's meet in here at eleven o'clock tonight." Although she sounded rather calm, she felt butterflies inside her stomach. She couldn't wait for the adventure.  
  
"Aren't you afraid of ruining your rep, Head Girl?" Sol asked.  
  
"I already have, by hanging out with you kids."  
  
"Oh, Lily made a funny! My little girl made a joke," Cassandra said, wiping away an invisible tear that had suddenly appeared on her cheek. "This is the beginning of a new era."  
  
"Oh, shush, you." Lily picked a pillow off of the couch and threw it at Cassandra. The look on her face was priceless! Cassandra looked as if she was torn between laughing and beating up Lily. She decided to go with both and threw the pillow back at her while laughing evilly.  
  
"PILLOW FIGHT!" Sol yelled and happily joined in.  
  
*~~~*~~~*~~~*~~~*~~~*  
  
"I have to go now, guys," Remus said to the gang. They were in the dormitory he shared with Peter, Sirius and once James.  
  
"Okay, Remus. We'll meet you in the Shrieking Shack. Don't worry, we'll be there," James assured him.  
  
"I know. I'll see you later." Everybody's eyes followed Remus until he left the room and shut the door behind him.  
  
"He's real uptight."  
  
"Thank you for the acute observation, Captain Obvious," James said to Sirius. "He's always uptight before he transforms."  
  
"Yeah, I know that, James. He just seems more uptight than usual," Sirius replied irritably.  
  
"I know what you mean, Padfoot," Peter added. "Tonight's not going to be pretty."  
  
"I don't think so either, Wormtail. And he's going to miss Christmas, too." James got up and began pacing the room. "That totally sucks."  
  
"Something else is on your mind, Prongs. What is it?" Sirius inquired.  
  
"It's nothing."  
  
"Yeah, right. As your best pal, I demand to know what you are thinking," Sirius announced with as much authority as possible. It seemed to have sounded good, because James stopped pacing and sat down. Or maybe James just wanted to get whatever it was out.  
  
"Don't you think we should tell the girls?"  
  
"What?! NO!"  
  
"And why not?" James asked, looking directly into Sirius's eyes. Like a challenge.  
  
"We can't! Hey, I may be stupid enough to fall in love with a girl like Cassandra, but-"  
  
"Yes! You admitted it!" James screamed, jumping up and pointing at Sirius, who just sat there looking very confused and stupid, trying to figure out what he just admitted. "You admitted that you're in love with Cassandra!"  
  
"What? No I didn't!" Sirius said, not believing James.  
  
"Yes, you did, Padfoot. You said -"  
  
"Oh, shut up, Wormtail. I know what I said. I just don't believe I said it."  
  
"I knew this day would come! Oh, how the might have fallen!" James proclaimed with a huge smile on his face.  
  
"It's not funny."  
  
"Yes it is. And I know exactly how you feel, my friend."  
  
"Really, do you?"  
  
"Hurts, don't it?"  
  
"Yeah, like all hell."  
  
"Yeah, that's love all right." James stopped smiling and turned serious when he looked at the clock. "We better go. We don't want to keep Moony waiting." He made his way towards the door and Peter and Sirius silently followed him.  
  
*~~~*~~~*~~~*~~~*~~~*  
  
"There they go, girls. Come on," Lily said as the Marauders passed her. Cassandra, Lily, and Sol stealthily followed James, Peter, and Sirius.  
  
"I wonder where Remus is," Sol whispered.  
  
"Shh. They might hear us," Cassandra whispered back. They made it out of Hogwarts without being seen by anyone, which wasn't exactly a difficult feat considering the fact that there were many places in which one could hide in Hogwarts. However, it was harder for the girls to conceal themselves on the grounds under the full moon. As they turned a corner, a giant tree came into view.  
  
"It's a Whomping Willow," Lily whispered.  
  
"A what?" Cassandra asked, risking being heard by the boys to learn what the hell her friend was talking about.  
  
"A Whomping Willow. It literally hits people. There's a knot somewhere near the base of the tree that freezes up the branches."  
  
"You pay way too much attention in Herbology."  
  
"Shut up, Cassandra. What in the world are they doing?" The Marauders were just standing there in the moonlight, as if they were waiting for something. Then, maybe it was just a trick of the light or Lily seeing things, they started . . . changing. Sirius was going down on all fours and growing black hair all over his body, like a rather large dog. James was also on all fours and sprouting antlers, almost like a stag. And Peter was shrinking and growing a think tail. Like a rat. Lily saw a flash of something. A rat on the hospital floor. And gasped. James - the stage turned around and saw them. He immediately turned back to the person.  
  
"J - James?"  
  
"Lily? What are you doing here?"  
  
"They - I - we followed you."  
  
"Why?"  
  
"Be - because - because -"  
  
"Why did you follow us, Lily?" Sirius broke in. Both he and Peter were back in their human forms. And they looked furious.  
  
"Because we needed an adventure and figured following you may prove . . . interesting," Cassandra said carelessly.  
  
"Where's Remus?" Sol asked anxiously. The boys exchanged looks. "Where is he?"  
  
"He's -"  
  
"We can't say," Peter replied, quickly cutting off Sirius.  
  
"James, where is he?" Lily asked and laid a hand on his arm. James gulped nervously and shook his head at Peter's warning eyes.  
  
"He's in the Shrieking Shack."  
  
"The Shrieking Shack? Why?!" Sol asked. "That place is-"  
  
"Haunted? No, it isn't. That's just what everybody thinks."  
  
"But the screams -"  
  
"Those screams are Remus. That's Remus when he transforms."  
  
"Transforms?"  
  
"But we just saw you transform, and it didn't hurt. Did it?" Lily reasoned.  
  
"Not that kind of transformation. We are Animagi."  
  
"Remus is a werewolf," Sirius said, ignoring Peter's hiss of warning.  
  
"A werewolf? How? When?" Sol asked as her face paled, obviously confused and frightened.  
  
"We can't stay anymore. Remus needs us," Peter said quickly, looking for a reason to leave.  
  
"You're right. We can't stay any longer. We have to go. We'll explain everything later, girls. Don't tell anyone," James pleaded.  
  
"We won't," Lily assured.  
  
"Promise?" James asked, looking at the three girls.  
  
"I promise."  
  
"I promise."  
  
"I promise."  
  
"Go to sleep, girls. Goodnight."  
  
"Goodnight," they murmured, turned around, and began walking towards the school. Lily looked back once and saw the stag looking at her with James's eyes and the rat slithering through the branches. She fought back a shiver as she looked at the rat that was Peter. It reminded her of something. Something unpleasant. Something creepy. Something evil. Nobody said anything as they made their way to the dormitories. They said their goodnights and went to their beds. Lily stayed awake quite awhile, pondering over what had happened. Remus being a werewolf explained many, many things. He was always sick, and going out of school. He had said he had to visit his mother, or something like that, but now she knew the truth. And she felt pity. Poor Remus, Lily thought. It's so horrible that such a nice and kind person has to go through this grief. Poor Remus.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
Hey, readers! How is it? I don't think this one was especially fantastic, but I'm hoping that others will disagree. Please disagree with me! Is it just me, or the chapters keep getting shorter? Oh well. I'll update soon, so keep an eye out! In the meantime, review! Please, please, please, pretty please. 


	16. An Unexpected Visitor

"Lily, move your lazy, piece of shit ass and get out here!" somebody called as they pounded on her door.  
  
"Go away," Lily moaned and reluctantly sat up. It must have been eight o'clock. Way too early according to her schedule. And she didn't get much sleep the previous night. "What do you want?" Then she remembered what day it was.  
  
Christmas.  
  
Lily put on a robe and yanked open her door to see an impatient Cassandra waiting for her. Cassandra's scowl immediately turned into a beaming smile. "Good morning, Cassandra! Happy Christmas!" Lily practically sang.  
  
"Happy Christmas, Lily. Come on, Sol's already up and waiting in the common room," Cassandra said as she pulled Lily into a hug. Giddily, Cassandra and Lily went to the common room and walked over to Sol.  
  
"Happy Christmas, Sol."  
  
"So, I see the queen has finally awoken. Happy Christmas, Lily."  
  
"Have the boys come down yet?"  
  
"No, I haven't seen them since last -"  
  
"Good morning, my fair beauties," Sirius said as he came from his dormitory. "And how are you on your fair and glorious morning?"  
  
"Just wonderful, Sirius," Cassandra said as she walked over to him and gave him a hug. "Happy Christmas."  
  
"Happy Christmas to you, too."  
  
"Happy Christmas, Lily!" James said as he rushed down the stairs. Lily didn't even get a chance to answer him. He swept her into a gigantic hug and picked her off her feet. Just as she was about to protest, he gave her a whopping kiss.  
  
"Happy Christmas to you, too James," Lily replied breathlessly.  
  
"Hey, how about we open presents?" Peter asked. "I see Frank Longbottom has already been at his," he observed. Wrappers were strewn everywhere and a box of Chocolate Frogs was open and empty.  
  
"Sure thing, Peter. Here's one of yours." Sol handed Peter a gift from his parents. "Here you go, James. And Cassandra, this one's from your parents, too. Lily, do you want to open one?"  
  
"I'll wait until you guys finish the ones from your relatives," Lily said and smiled tentatively. Sol and Cassandra smiled back. Only them, James and Remus knew about her family. James looked at her for a second, then began to open his gifts.  
  
Lily looked so sad. James wished he could help her. He slanted a quick glance at her pile of presents, then compared it to his. Hers looked extremely small and meager. He lifted his head up when he heard her laugh at some comment Cassandra mumbled about a sweater she received from her aunt. Cassandra was always throwing some sarcastic comment or another out. And Lily was always around to hear them. She looked so beautiful when she smiled. Was it any wonder why he loved her?  
  
"Yo, earth to James? Jamesie-poo?"  
  
"Huh? What?"  
  
"You've got more presents to open. Where did you go a second ago?"  
  
"Nowhere, Sirius. Just nowhere."  
  
"Fine, here's mine. Be careful when you open it."  
  
"Uh, okay," James said and cautiously began opening Sirius's present. Just then, a great "boom" was heard from the other side of the room. James looked over and started cracking up. Peter's face was covered with soot. Apparently, Peter had just opened his present from Sirius and it had exploded in his face.  
  
Quite literally.  
  
"Sorry, Peter," Sirius said in between gasps for breath, and didn't sound sorry in the least bit.  
  
"No you're not," Peter said grumpily. He was the only person who wasn't laughing.  
  
"So sue me. I couldn't resist; you're such a sucker for practical jokes. I can always get you!"  
  
"Yeah, it was so hilarious. Ha, ha, ha," Peter replied sarcastically and wiped soot off his face, which sent everybody into helpless peals of laughter.  
  
"Nobody else's gift is going to explode, will they?" Lily asked after the laughter had died down and looked suspiciously at her gift. She had some rather bad personal experience with Sirius's presents in the past.  
  
"No, I don't think so."  
  
"You don't think so? Sirius, if my gift explodes in my face, I will kick your ass," Cassandra promised. Sirius gulped. He had received quite a few ass kickings by Cassandra over the past six years. She picked up her gift, slowly unwrapping it and . . .  
  
Butterflies flew out of the box. Butterflies of all different colors flew around Cassandra's head and one settled on her shoulder. She held out her hand and the butterfly that landed there became a white daisy. Cassandra felt her eyes begin to swell with joyous tears as butterflies and daisies fell around her. She reached into the box and pulled out a book. "101 Ways to Keep Girls off Your Boyfriend," Cassandra said, scanning the title. Laughing, she threw herself at Sirius and kissed him merrily. "Thank you, thank you, thank you!"  
  
"No problem," Sirius said casually with his trademark smirk. "I figured since all the women want me, you might need a guidebook to keep them off."  
  
"They look so cute together," Lily whispered as James sat down next to her. "I'm glad they finally found each other."  
  
"They were meant to. Just as we were." James looked down at the girt in his hand. "This isn't as extravagant as Sirius's gift for Cassandra, but I figured you would like it."  
  
James handed Lily the small box. Lily began unwrapping it and saw the little box. She opened it and gasped with delight as she picked up the silver locket with a lily on the front. "Oh, James, it's so beautiful."  
  
"Open it."  
  
Lily obliged and her eyes filled with tears. Inside the locket was a picture of her mother on one side and her on the other. "Where - where did you get the picture of my mother?"  
  
"I have my ways. Do you like it?"  
  
"Oh, James, I love it! It's simply wonderful! I could never get a more wonderful gift!" Lily exclaimed and knocked James to the floor as she jumped on him. James cupped his hands over her hips as Lily covered his face with kisses. "It's magnificent! You are the most fantastic man alive!"  
  
"I am feeling pretty fantastic at this moment."  
  
"Oh, but my gift is going to look dreadfully pathetic after that," Lily replied rather dejectedly and pouting slightly, and adorably, at the thought.  
  
"I'm sure it won't."  
  
"You don't know what it is yet. I'll get it for you," Lily got up off of James and grabbed a present from James's pile. "I saw it and I just thought of you," she said as he opened the gift. "It's -"  
  
"Perfect. It's perfect," James broke in. James held up the gift. It was a snowy white owl music box with brown eyes. Just like James's. "It's beautiful. Thank you, Lily," he said and leaned over to give her a light kiss.  
  
"Your welcome, James." Lily kissed him back and cuddled in his arms. She picked up the locket. "James, could you put this on for me?"  
  
"Sure." James unhooked the clasp and put it around Lily's neck. She felt it rest on her heart and tears began to form in her eyes.  
  
"Thank you," she said and leaned to kiss his cheek. James eyes became wary as he saw tears in hers.  
  
"What's the matter, Lily? Why are you sad?" James asked and ran a hand over her hair.  
  
"I'm not sad. I'm happy," Lily corrected and grabbed James's hand. "I can only think of one time when I was happier than I am now." Lily smiled and stood up. "Come on, let's go cheer up Sol; she's feeling lonely without her Remus."  
  
James just sat here for a second and stared at Lily. Where had this free spirit come from? It looked like Lily was truly happy for the first time in her life. It looked good on her. James stood up and kept his eyes on Lily's. "You're a nice person, Lily. You're going to make some guy really happy one day." I hope it's me, he thought.  
  
"Yeah, thanks. I guess I will. And you'll make some girl happy some day," Lily said with a smile. I hope it's me, she thought. "Come on, Sol needs comfort." Lily pulled James with her and sat down next to Sol.  
  
Peter watched this scene with loathing and disgust. James shouldn't be touching Lily like that. She was his. She belonged to him. That's what the Dark Lord promised him. That Lily would be his. Lily belonged to him. He would get his revenge on James for touching his property. For putting his disgusting hands on his beautiful flower. For soiling his lovely flower. Because Lily was his.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
That night at the Christmas feast, everybody sat in their correct house tables. Sirius and James happily pranked their archenemies Lucious Malfoy and Severus Snape constantly and mercilessly. And them, being the stupid gits that they were, couldn't muster up the courage to prank the Masters of Mischief back. Chuckling, Lily made her way to the Gryffindor common room. Despite James's protests, she insisted that she go alone. She was set on taking a nice long bath in the Head's Bathroom. With lots of bubbles. Lily turned the corner and stopped when she saw someone in front of her. Someone who didn't belong.  
  
"Hello, Lily," the stranger said lovingly, and stepped out of the shadow. Lily gasped. Before her stood a man so repulsive and horrible, Lily was rooted to the spot in horror. (A/N: Just imagine someone that looks like Michael Jackson standing before you in the hallways. Think "No nose and lots of plastic surgery")  
  
"W - who are y- you?" Lily stuttered.  
  
"Don't you recognize me, my dear flower?" the man asked as he came closer. (A/N: Michael Jackson, Michael Jackson, Michael Jackson.)  
  
"N - no," Lily said as she backed away, her fear evident in her voice.  
  
"My dear flower, I am disappointed in you. You don't even recognize your Lord." The man stopped coming forward and shook his head.  
  
"My - my Lord?"  
  
"Yes, my Lily. You Lord. Your Dark Lord. Your protector."  
  
"My - my protector."  
  
"Yes, Lily. Your protector. Even if you are a Mudblood, I feel a connection to you."  
  
"Who - who are you."  
  
"You still don't know who I am, do you my little flower? I am Lord Voldemort."  
  
"V - Voldemort? W - why?" Lily stuttered, truly horrified. How did she get herself into such a situation? And how was she supposed to get herself out of it?  
  
"Why what, my Lily flower?"  
  
"Why protect me? I - I'm Muggleborn."  
  
"And that makes you all the more vulnerable, Lily flower. And it makes me want to protect you." Voldemort began to step forward again, and Lily kept backing away. "Why do you back away when I come near you? I won't hurt you." Lily gulped and kept backing up. "Lily, I made you. Almost with my own two hands. Why would I hurt you?"  
  
"M - made m - me?" Now she was very confused and racked her frantic brain for something to get Voldemort away.  
  
"Yes, Lily, I -" Voldemort suddenly broke off as he heard footsteps. "I'll talk to you later, my flower." Voldemort was gone down the hall with a swish of his cloak. Lily slid weakly to the floor as Dumbledore rounded the corner.  
  
"Lily, what happened?" Dumbledore asked as he sat down next to her.  
  
"V - Voldemort w - was h - h - here," Lily stuttered helplessly, in a state of shock. "H - h - h - he -"  
  
"Did he talk to you?" Dumbledore asked when Lily couldn't say anymore. Lily nodded. "Did he hurt you?" She shook her head. "Did he try to hurt you?" She shook her head again. "What did he say?"  
  
"H - he s - said th - that he was my pro - protector," she finally stammered. "Th - that we h - had a co - connection."  
  
"Did he then?" Dumbledore mused. "Where did he go?"  
  
"I don't know. He just . . . disappeared."  
  
"Do you want me to get James?" Lily looked up with wild eyes and grasped Dumbledore's arm. She didn't even give herself time to be amazed at the fact the Dumbledore seemed to know everything.  
  
"No! Don't tell him about this. Then he'll go after Voldemort and get killed. Don't tell him. Please," she finished frantically.  
  
"All right, Lily. I promise I won't tell him. Now, I don't mean to be rude, but could you perhaps let go of my arm? I believe you're cutting off the circulation."  
  
Lily blushed and let go. "Sorry."  
  
"No worries, dear. You know what I suggest you do? I think a nice bath with lots of bubbles would do you good. It always makes me feel better. Except that one time I forgot to take off my socks, but we won't get into that." Lily just looked at him in astonishment as he stood up. How could he act so . . . normal? "Would you like me to escort you to the Head's Bathroom?" he asked as he held out a hand. Lily nodded and took his offered hand to help her stand up. She appreciated the fact that he seemed to know that she didn't want to walk down the hall by herself. Together, the walked down the hall, not noticing the man that watched from the shadows. 


	17. Distrust

Hello, faithful readers. If you are reading this, it means that Fanfiction.net is finally cooperating with me and allowing me to upload this damn thing. First I couldn't upload it because AOL was screwed up. Then I couldn't upload because my computer screwed up. Then I couldn't upload because I screwed my computer up even more trying to fix it. Then I couldn't upload because my computer crashed. Then, after I fixed the computer, Fanfiction.net was deciding not to like me and not letting me upload. And now, I suppose I can upload. Okay, now that I'm done rambling . . . On with the story!  
  
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"Hey, Lils. What's the matter?" Sirius asked as he sat down next to Lily in the Great Hall. He had noticed that she hadn't eaten anything and was rather worried.  
  
Lily just shrugged.  
  
"Did you and James get into a fight?"  
  
Lily shook her head.  
  
"You've been avoiding him since Christmas night."  
  
Lily shrugged again and played with her food.  
  
"Come one, tell me what's wrong. The Mystical and Magical Sirius can solve all your problems."  
  
"Nothing's wrong," Lily said, her voice devoid of all emotion. She finally looked up and saw genuine concern in Sirius's face.  
  
"You sure, Lils?"  
  
"Yeah. I - I just need to be alone."  
  
"I'll take that as my cue to leave," Sirius said with a smile and got up. "See ya later."  
  
"Sirius?" Lily said stopping him. "Could you ask James to meet me in the Head Lounge after Potions?"  
  
"Sure, Lils."  
  
"Thanks, Sirius."  
  
~~~*~~~*~~~*~~~*~~~*  
  
Lily figured Potions would be horrible and unbearable. Normally, Lily didn't mind the time spent with the Slytherins, but ever since she'd been going out with James, the period had become a horror. And today she was paired with Severus Snape, James's worst enemy and Professor Hostis's favorite student. She didn't expect it to be a good class. But, she may be proved wrong. She was just as bad at Divination as Professor Trelawney was.  
  
"So, Lily, have you and James broken up?" Snape asked casually as they made the potion.  
  
"Why is everybody suddenly concerned with my relationship with James?" Lily wondered irritably, struggling to keep her voice low. "And no, we didn't break up or have a fight."  
  
"Oh," Snape said, sounding rather disappointed. For awhile they worked in an uncomfortable silence until Snape cleared his throat. Lily looked up and saw a murderous look on his face. "Lily . . ."  
  
"Yes, Severus?" Lily answered, eager to see what had gotten him so worked up. She had never seen him so angry, except when he looked at James, but that was expected.  
  
"If James hurts you. I'll get him for you."  
  
"He won't hurt me."  
  
"Yes, he will. He won't be able to help it. You deserve better, but I'm not going to try and break you up. But if he hurts you, come to me."  
  
"Thank you, Severus. Thank you for caring," Lily said and laid a soft hand on his arm. They went back to work in a silence once again, only this time a comfortable one until the period ended.  
  
"Class! I want you and your partner to complete a two parchment essay about the Forgetful Potion, due next week. Dismissed," Professor Hostis said sharply.  
  
"Lily, do you think we could meet tonight in the library to work on the essay?" Snape asked as they picked up.  
  
"Sure . . . oh, no! I can't! I'm sorry, Severus, but how about tomorrow after dinner," Lily said, remembering that she had to meet with James.  
  
"Okay. I'll see you then, Lily," Severus said as they left the room and parted ways. Lily made her way to the Head's Lounge. Severus really wasn't as bad as everybody made him out to be. He was actually rather . . . nice, despite the fact that he was a Slytherin. And rather skanky. But he was nice. They might even be able to become friends, Lily thought with a slight smile.  
  
"Pulchra Fols," Lily said to the field of flowers and the picture swung open. Lily was still smiling when she saw James pacing in front of the fire. He looked up and seeing her smile, scowled.  
  
"What are you so happy about? Talking to Snape, were you?" James said accusingly.  
  
"Yes. Is there something wrong with that?" Lily asked cautiously as she put down her books on a table next to the couch.  
  
"Yes."  
  
"Oh, really?" Lily replied coldly. "And why is there a problem here?"  
  
"I don't want you hanging around him."  
  
"And why not? He's my Potions partner. We have to work together." Lily didn't like the way this conversation was heading.  
  
"Because he's . . . I just don't want you hanging around him. Snape hangs out with a bad crowd."  
  
"I'll hand out with whomever I want to. You have no control over me," she announced stiffly. She most definitely did not like where this conversation was heading.  
  
"And I don't want you drooling over any other guys when we're together," James said, ignoring her comment. "I saw you and Snape today. You were hanging all over him."  
  
"I was not!"  
  
"You were to! I have eyes, Lily! You were practically on Snape's lap!"  
  
"You're delusional, James! Why would I go for another guy? You're bad enough!"  
  
"What do you mean?"  
  
"Exactly what I said! All you do is order me about. Telling me what to do, whom to hang out with. Soon enough you'll be telling me I can't hang out with Sol and Remus because of something that happened months ago!" Lily screamed, practically in James's face. Oh, she was furious. "And I'm not going to stand aside and take whatever you dish out, Potter! I deserve better!" Lily spun and stalked towards the exit. James caught up to her and grabbed her arms. "Get your filthy hands off me!" she yelled, trying to pull out of his grasp. James simply picked her up and threw her down on the couch. "Let me up!"  
  
"No! You're not going to walk away from this! Sit still!" James demanded through clenched teeth. Lily kept squirming and tried to get up. Just as she was about to scream, James covered her mouth with his hand. Lily took the opportunity and chomped down on his hand and was satisfied to taste blood. Hastily, he let go and brought his wounded hand to his lips. Lily's eyes were bright with fury, triumph and tears.  
  
"You're just like my father. Might is right. I'm just some dumb female, so you think you can order me about with slaps and bruises. Well, I'm not like my mother. I won't meekly stand by and do what I'm told. You know where to find me when you're ready to apologize. Oh," Lily said before she left the room, "I hope I left a scar." Saying this Lily quickly exited the Head's Lounged and left James with his bleeding hand and shocked eyes.  
  
What had just happened? James wondered as he sat in the Head's Lounge. Lily hadn't broken up with him, thank goodness, but she had bitten him. It probably would leave a scar.  
  
"Damn, what am I supposed to do?" he asked himself. Lily's words rang through his head: You know where to find me when you're ready to apologize. "Apologize? Apologize for what?" The his own words came back to him: You were all over him! you were practically on Snape's lap! "Well, she did have her hand on him."  
  
So what?  
  
"So she shouldn't have touched him."  
  
Why not? Is she not allowed to touch other guys? She can't give Sirius or Remus or Peter friendly hugs?  
  
"No! Yes! I don't know!"  
  
Make up your mind, Jamsie-poo.  
  
"Maybe I overreacted a little."  
  
A little?  
  
"Okay, maybe I overreacted a lot. But she didn't have to yell at me like that."  
  
And what was she supposed to do? Just stand there and take your accusations? Remember her past. You acted just like her father. Is that what you want? A woman who will succumb to your every will? And is that what you want to become? A filthy woman beater?  
  
"No. Definitely not."  
  
So what are you going to do now?  
  
"I guess I'll apologize," James sighed.  
  
Good boy.  
  
James made his way to the Gryffindor common room, prepared to beg for Lily's forgiveness, if need be. On his knees.  
  
~~~*~~~*~~~*~~~*~~~*  
  
Lily was so infuriated. This was the second time - the goddamn mother fucking second time - James had ordered her about like some type of - of street urchin! Lily Evens would be no man's slave. Especially not James Harold Potter's. He acted like he was goddamn royalty. He acted like he was the king of the world and everybody should bow down before him on gracious knees. Well, not this witch. Oh, no. Definitely not this witch. Lily stalked down the hall, glaring at all who got in her way. She gleefully searched her mind for the perfect curse to put on James. He deserved the worst she could think of. Her fingers itched to pick up her wand and curse someone - anyone. She finally reached the portrait of the Fat Lady and grumpily said the password.  
  
Out of the corner of her eye, Lily saw Sol start to call out to her, but Cassandra stopped her. Lily walked right past them and up to her dormitory not even stopping to say hello. Cassandra watched her the entire time with eager curiosity. She was the only one who had ever seen Lily in such a state, and it didn't bode well for the other party. All she knew that whoever had made Lily this angry had better apologize soon. And make it real good.  
  
Lily slammed her door shut and paced the room for a full minute, but she couldn't contain herself. Suddenly, she stopped pacing and clenched her hands into tights fists and raised them high over her head. She let out a murderous yawp (A/N: I borrowed that nifty word from Dead Poet's Society. Awesome book and movie.) and all the objects in the room levitated. Panting for breath, she fell on her bed as it fell back to its rightful place and cried. She cried more than she had ever cried before. And she thoroughly damned James Harold Potter to hell and most definitely not back again.  
  
~~~*~~~*~~~*~~~*~~~*  
  
James took a deep breath and knocked on Lily's door. He had heard the scream minutes before and he realized that this wasn't going to be easy. It was going to be hell. Hesitantly, he knocked again.  
  
"Who is it?" he heard Lily ask miserably through the door.  
  
"It's James."  
  
"What do you want?" He could here the stiffness in her voice even through the door. Yeah, it was going to be hell all right.  
  
"Could I come in? Please?" After a moment, James heard bedsprings creak and someone - Lily - walk towards the door. She unlocked and opened it. James went in without saying a word. He noticed she kept her face hidden.  
  
"Well . . ." Lily prompted, tapping her foot.  
  
"I - uh - well, I -"  
  
"Spit it out, Potter," Lily said impatiently.  
  
James ran his hands through his hair. He really hated having to apologize, but he understood it was completely necessary. "I wanted to say that I'm sorry. I'm sorry for everything I said. I had no right to say or suspect what I did. I - I'm just sorry. Please forgive me," he pleaded. Lily finally looked directly at him and James saw she had been crying. And it made him feel horrible. He had made Lily cry. God, he was a bloody horrible human being. He wanted to reach out and touch her hair to try to comfort her, but his arms felt like dead weight against his sides. He waited in hope that his apology had worked.  
  
"I forgive you," Lily said softly.  
  
"You do? Truly?" The relief was evident in James's face.  
  
"Yes. I do." James sighed and moved to hug her, but Lily backed away. When he looked at her with a puzzled glance, she simply shook her head. "I still have to think."  
  
"Think? About what?"  
  
"About us. About where we stand."  
  
"I love you."  
  
"I know. But I - I don't know what I feel for you. And, as I've said before, I don't want to hurt you. So I need to think."  
  
"You love me. I know you do."  
  
"You know more than I do. I have to think."  
  
"All right. And Lily?" James said before he closed the door. "Think fast."  
  
As soon as the door shut behind James, Lily sighed. God, what was she going to do? She couldn't be - no, it couldn't be happening. It was too unreal to be true. Lily - sensible, smart Lily Evens - could most definitely not be in love with James - feckless, foolish James Potter. James couldn't be right. It just couldn't be true. 


	18. Revelations of Love

Okay, for those of you that care, I HAVE UPDATED!! WOOT WOOT!! I know, I haven't in forever, but I found this chapter somewhere in my computer so I didn't have to write it all over again. Besides, the other chapter I wrote sucked more than this one. Please review!  
  
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"She said she has to think," James spouted to Sirius as he lay on his back in his dormitory.  
  
"So you've said. At least twenty times in the last half-hour. But you haven't told me what she has to think about," Sirius replied. He was damned tired of this relationship. He wished Lily would admit that she loved James and make everyone involved happy.  
  
"Us. She has to think about us and her feelings. She said she doesn't want to hurt me. Heh, hurt me?" he said sarcastically. "She's ripping my bloody heart out."  
  
"She does love you. She just doesn't know how to deal with it."  
  
"And since when have you been the expert on love? This is your longest lasting relationship, and it's only been - what? Two, three weeks?"  
  
"I, my dear friend, am and expert observer of the human species. Besides," Sirius said with a shrug, "I know Lily."  
  
"Get your ass out of my dormitory." James was bloody sick and tired of listening to Sirius. What did he know about anything?  
  
"Fine, if you don't want my help-"  
  
"I don't want your help."  
  
"Whatever." Sirius shrugged and was just about to open the door when somebody knocked. "I wonder . . ."  
  
"James, could I come in? It's Lily," she said through the door. Sirius wiggled his eyebrows and opened the door.  
  
"James, I - oh, hello Sirius. Could I talk to James alone please?"  
  
"Sure thing, Lils. I was just about to leave. Talk to you cats later," Sirius said as he shut the door behind him and left Lily and James alone.  
  
"Hello, James," Lily said hesitantly. James was just laying on his back with his eyes closed, not saying a word. "Are you mad at me?"  
  
James laughed half-heartedly.  
  
"Goddamn it, James! Talk to me!" Lily said and stomped her foot.  
  
James didn't say a word.  
  
"What, now you're going to give me the silent treatment?"  
  
Silence.  
  
"Fine, be that way. I'm not going to go crawling to you." Lily spun around and -  
  
"Oh, and it's fine for me to go crawling to you?"  
  
"What?"  
  
"Twice I came to you and begged for forgiveness. I won't do it again."  
  
Lily turned back and saw that James's eyes were open and staring directly at her. Inwardly she shrank from that soul piercing gaze. "I - I don't expect you to."  
  
"Good."  
  
Since it didn't seem as if he was going to say anything else, she took a deep breath and moved slightly closer. "I'm sorry. I look back at what happened in Potions and I realized that I could've just talked to Snape. I didn't have to touch him like that and I can see where you were coming from.  
  
"And I'm sorry about how I reacted earlier. Most of what I said was untrue. You don't order me around or tell me who I have to hang out with. And I didn't need to bring up Sol and Remus. It was entirely irrelevant to the situation."  
  
"That's one hell of an apology."  
  
"Yeah, I guess it is. Do - do you accept it?"  
  
"That would depend. I just have one question: do you really think that you deserve better than me?" James asked, trying to sound casual and miserably failing.  
  
"Oh, James, I didn't mean it! I really didn't," Lily said as she rushed to James's bedside. She went down on her knees so she could look him in the eyes. "I didn't mean it in the least."  
  
"Are you sure?"  
  
"Yes. But I, uh, I wanted to know if - I was wondering if - do you -"  
  
"What is it, Lily?"  
  
"Do you still love me?" Lily blurted out and blushed.  
  
"Nothing could stop me from loving you."  
  
"Oh, that's a relief. I thought that you didn't love me anymore. I know that for a second or two I felt like I didn't love you anymore." Lily paled, realizing what she had just said. She couldn't believe she just admitted that she loved On the other had, James was ecstatic. Lily just said she loved him.  
  
"You love me?" he asked hopefully.  
  
"I - I - I" Lily stammered, trying to realign her thoughts.  
  
"Lily, do you love me?"  
  
"Yes, James. I do," she admitted with her head down, as if she was confessing a deadly sin.  
  
"Don't look so forlorn, my lady love." James lifted her chin and kissed her softly on the lips. "There's nothing to be sad about."  
  
"Oh, James, what are we going to do?"  
  
"About what?"  
  
"About us. Before it was just a thing. We were both having fun, but now it's complicated."  
  
"Just because we love each other doesn't mean that we can't have fun."  
  
"True, but it's different."  
  
"It's a good different."  
  
"But -"  
  
"Enough buts. Everything will be fine."  
  
"I do have to admire your endless faith, James." James slipped off the bed so he could sit next to Lily.  
  
"I have such faith because I know we can make it through everything. Because I love you."  
  
"I love you, too James." Lily sighed and laid her head on his shoulder. She was so happy and didn't want to move.  
  
~~~*~~~*~~~*~~~*~~~*  
  
"Wait, wait, wait. Hold the wand. Let me get this straight," Cassandra said to Lily, holding up a hand, "you talked to You-Know-Who, and didn't tell anyone? Why? What were you thinking?"  
  
"I was thinking about you guys. I didn't want anyone to know because I figured you would want to go after Voldemort and then get yourselves killed. Let me finish. So then Dumbledore came and Voldemort left. For some reason, he seemed to be afraid. I told Dumbledore what had happened and he acted like it was perfectly normal to run into the Dark Lord that is terrorizing the entire world, including the Muggles. He told me to take a bath with lots of bubbles and practically patted me on the head. I seriously don't think that man's stable."  
  
"Nobody thinks that man's stable. Speaking of stable, did you ever consider getting your head checked out? Are you crazy? Why didn't you tell me, woman?!" Cassandra exclaimed and tapped the back of Lily's head with her hand.  
  
"Because I didn't want anyone to know," Lily repeated. She was glad Cassandra had agreed to come with her to the Head Lounge with her instead of breakfast. Despite what she had told herself, Lily had really needed to tell someone about her little run in with Voldemort. Telling Cassandra took a huge load off her shoulders. "Sorry, but you have the biggest mouth, Gossip Queen."  
  
"All right, I have to agree with you there. And because you're right, I promise I won't tell anyone. Not even Sirius. Just one thing," she said as Lily sighed, "did you tell James?"  
  
"Well, I -"  
  
"You didn't tell him?"  
  
"You see, I -"  
  
"You didn't tell James."  
  
"No, I didn't," Lily admitted and looked away guiltily. She flinched when Cassandra flicked her forehead. She expected no less from her friend.  
  
"Why not, you stupid dolt?"  
  
"I was going to. Last night. But then we got into this big fight and -"  
  
"So that's who pissed you off yesterday! You looked supremely pissed off. The last time I saw you like that was in first year when Belinda Bucky spilled pumpkin juice all over your astronomy chart. What happened?"  
  
"I don't want to talk about it."  
  
"Come on."  
  
"No."  
  
"Why not?"  
  
"Because. Just - because. We'd better go or we'll be late for Charms."  
  
"Oh, and that's such a terrible hardship. Wait, I forgot that I was talking to perfect Head Girl, Lily Evens," Cassandra mocked. They picked at each other companionably all the way to class. And made it on time.  
  
Unknown to the two girls, a person watched them greedily from the shadows. With a possessive smile, Voldemort watched the two witches make their way down the hall. And he was struck with a brilliant idea. Maybe his little servant could bring him the sassy one. Then his flower would come to him. Yes, his little flower was loyal. She would come for her friend. She would come willingly, and he would have her. Or she would die.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
I know, I know. It's a pretty short chapter. But it's important for the rest of it, so I couldn't just leave it out. Besides, I like having the little play going on between Lily and Cassandra. It's pretty fun. Tell me what you think. I love you guys! And your reviews! 


	19. Female Intuition

I usually don't update this quickly, but I decided that I would. Sheesh, this story is just dragging on forever, isn't it? Enjoy.  
  
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Lily went straight to the Library after dinner and saw Snape already waiting. "Hey, Severus. When did you get here?" she asked as he sat down next to him.  
  
"Just a couple minutes ago." Snape smiled as Lily bent to pick up the quill she dropped on the floor. She was so beautiful.  
  
"I'm glad I didn't keep you waiting," she said as she sat up and pushed her hair out of her face. "So, how do you want to go about this?"  
  
"Well, I figured we might want to go for the gold and make it longer than two parchment. It's a pretty easy assignment, especially since we're the two best students in the class."  
  
"Sounds like plan to me. Besides, I always end up going over the required length."  
  
"Me too. Let me see, a good book to use would be . . . Potions for the Mind. I've used it before and I know it goes into pretty good detail," Snape said as he flipped through his notes.  
  
"Yeah, I've used it too. I don't know if I saw anything about the Forgetful Potion, though. But it's worth a shot. I'll go get it," Lily said and stood up.  
  
"All right." Snape smiled to himself as she walked away. Lily was a smart girl. She would soon realize that James wasn't for her. He had seen Lily yesterday and she had been furious. And poor pathetic Potter had been chasing after her. Sure, they had made up, but that wouldn't last long. Not if he had anything to say about it.  
  
"Here it is," Lily called as she came back to the table with a rather large book in her hands. "We're lucky nobody else took it out. It's the last copy."  
  
"Yeah, lucky us. Okay, so . . ." Snape began and they started their report.  
  
~~~*~~~*~~~*~~~*~~~*  
  
James tried not to be jealous. But it was rather difficult not to get jealous when his girl was with another guy. Even if he did trust her. Even he she did love him. Even if he did tell himself he was overreacting. It's not that he didn't believe her or anything like that, he just didn't like or trust Snape. And he was after Lily, no doubt about it. After all, she was the most beautiful girl in the whole school. He would have hit the wizard who tried to tell him otherwise. But Snape was slick and slimy. And untrustworthy. So for now James would just keep it cool and not say anything. But if Snape tried anything . . .  
  
"Hey, Lily," James said as he walked up to them. "I'm sorry about interrupting, but I have to talk to Lily for a second. You don't have to get up, Snape," James said as Snape stood, "it's nothing like that."  
  
"I have to go anyway. I'll talk to you later, Lily," Snape said as he collected his books.  
  
"See you, Severus," Lily replied with a smile. "Why did you do that?" she hissed at James when Snape was out of earshot.  
  
"Do what?" James asked innocently.  
  
"Come in here like that! I told you that Severus and I -"  
  
"I know what you told me. And I didn't think that," James objected. "I just wanted to remind you that I'm supposed to be tutoring you. Unless you want to fail Transfiguration, of course."  
  
"Damn, I forgot all about that. How about tomorrow night after dinner? McGonagall said we could use her room." (A/N: thought I forgot about that, huh? Actually, I did.)  
  
"Sounds good. Come on, let's get out of here. I'm tired of having to whisper," James said and pulled on Lily's hand.  
  
"I need to get my books," Lily objected and scooped them into her bag.  
  
"Do you have to be so damn efficient?" he asked irritably.  
  
"Yes. That's why you love me."  
  
"True. Come on slow poke," he said and pulled her along.  
  
"You're so annoying."  
  
"That's why you love me."  
  
~~~*~~~*~~~*~~~*~~~  
  
Lily and James made their way to Professor McGonagall's room after dinner the next night. James was happy to see no teacher in sight. As Lily put her books on the desk, James came up behind her and wrapped his arms around he waist. Lily didn't object, but instead leaned back on James's chest and put her hands on his. He tightened his grip slightly so Lily felt like James surrounded her. It was a wonderful feeling.  
  
"This is nice," Lily murmured.  
  
"Yes, it is," James whispered into her ear. He trailed soft kisses down her neck.  
  
"We really should work on Transfiguration," Lily muttered half-heartedly but tilted her neck so James could have better access to her throat.  
  
"I know. But this is better." He turned Lily in his arms and pressed a light kiss to her forehead.  
  
"Yes. Much better." Lily brought her arms up and wrapped them around his neck. She went up on her toes and kissed him ever so lightly on the lips. It was a soft and sweet kiss that only people truly in love can share. It was only the soft meeting of lips. "But I don't want to fail Transfiguration."  
  
"I'll bet that you've never failed anything in your entire life," he said primly and kissed both her cheeks.  
  
"Wrong. Third grade I failed math. I'm horrible with numbers." Lily beamed into James's face. "You loose. Now let go of me so I can be amazed by your skill for tutoring."  
  
"You owe me." James reluctantly let go of Lily and sat down on a chair. Lily raised her eyebrow and sat next to him.  
  
"Oh, really? And what could I possibly owe you?"  
  
"You have to tutor me. In Charms." James began taking out books, but stopped when he saw the look on her face. Pure astonishment. "Don't look so amazed, my love. I, too, have failed classes and don't wish to repeat the action. Besides if I failed my mother would . . ."  
  
"Yes, your mom would what?" Lily jumped at the opportunity to learn more about James's background. He so rarely revealed things about himself.  
  
"Nothing. So, what are you having trouble with?" He quickly changed subjects, hoping would take the hint and let it go. He should have known better.  
  
"Everything. Tell me about your mother." Lily knew how to manipulate people into giving her what she wanted. She was, after all, the baby in her family.  
  
"No. What don't you understand?"  
  
"About Transfiguration? Everything. Tell me."  
  
"No. You're so frustrating. Can't you give me a straight answer?"  
  
"Not until you tell me what you were going to say a moment ago. Spill."  
  
"No. We'll start with -" James was cut off by Lily's mouth pressed hungrily against his. He only had time to moan softly before she moved away again.  
  
"Tell me." Lily smiled in pure female delight. She loved how James's eyes were glazed over and his hand slightly unsteady as he ran in through his hair. She almost laughed out loud.  
  
"Do you really want to know?" he asked. His voice came out in a harsh whisper and he had to clear his throat. Merlin, he wished he had a glass of water. Merlin, he wished he had enough willpower to resist Lily.  
  
"Yes. I told you my secrets, you tell me yours, Potter."  
  
"All right. I just want you to know that the only person I have ever told any of this to is Remus. I didn't even tell Sirius. That's why I had such a hard time trusting him after what he did to you. Because he knows so much more about me than anyone and I didn't want to put myself in a position where he could betray my trust. And you have to promise that you won't tell anybody. Not even Sirius or Cassandra or Sol or Peter."  
  
"I promise. Cross my heart."  
  
"And after I tell you, we have to get right to work."  
  
"All right."  
  
"And -"  
  
"Quit stalling, Potter. Just tell me."  
  
"All right, all right. I don't know how I ever fell in love with such a pushy woman."  
  
"James . . ." Lily said in a warning tone.  
  
"Okay, fine. I'll quit stalling," James grumbled. He hated talking about his life it was so depressing.  
  
"First of all, you have to understand that the Potter's aren't poor. We aren't even middle class wizards. We're actually rather rich. My father was an Auror. Two years ago, he got killed by Death Eaters." Lily gasped and shuddered. She knew her worst fear were the Death Eaters. She feared them even more than she feared Voldemort.  
  
"Oh, I'm so sorry, James. Were you in school when it happened?" Lily asked, her voice full of sympathy and her eyes full of tears.  
  
"Yes. It was April 22. You might remember me being out of school for a little bit." Lily nodded. Of course she remembered. Not only had she had a major crush on James, but April 22 was her birthday. "The Death Eaters came to our house and my father was home by himself. My mother was in Hogsmeade when it happened. Working." She was startled by the bitterness in James's voice. Obviously, James didn't think much of his mother's occupation, whatever it was. "After my father was killed, everything changed.  
  
"I came home that summer and I could tell that something wasn't . . . right. Everything was too calm and, well, normal. And I could tell somebody had been living in the house. Somebody besides my mother. When I asked her about it, she told me straight out that yes, she was seeing another wizard. And she had been seeing him while she was still married. And the night my father had gotten killed, she wasn't working in Hogsmeade. She had been meeting her lover." James's eyes were filled with hateful tears. Lily's were filled with sympathetic ones. She couldn't believe what she was hearing. Poor James had to live in a house of hate. Like she had, but different. Worse.  
  
"I'm sorry, James."  
  
"It's not your fault. It's hers. She's the one who chose to be like that. We have nothing to be sorry for. They're her mistakes, not ours." For a moment James almost told her the whole story. He almost told her how his mother would lock him in the closet without food or water or wand. Or how she would chain him outside like a dog so he couldn't come in when it was raining or cold out. Or how she make him clean the bathrooms without any magic and with all the doors and windows shut so the acidic fumes would almost poison him. No, he couldn't tell Lily about those things. "Do you want to work on Transfiguration now?"  
  
"Okay. Thank you."  
  
"For what?"  
  
"For telling me. Now," Lily said as she turned to her books and blinked away tears, "I really need help transfiguring inanimate objects into live ones."  
  
"Okay. That's not that difficult. Actually, once you get the hang of it, it becomes rather easy."  
  
"I doubt that, considering the fact that I'm talking to an illegal Animagi. But I guess I have to learn it, don't I?"  
  
"Yeah, especially if you don't want to fail. And I should be the one to thank you, Lily. For listening."  
  
"No problem. Even if you didn't tell me everything." Lily smiled at seeing James's jaw drop and his eyes bulge. James had no idea how Lily knew.  
  
"I don't know what you're talking about," James said as innocently as possible. But despite his experience in lying to teachers, (A/N: cough McGonagall cough) he couldn't directly into Lily's eyes.  
  
"Don't lie to me, James. I'm not asking you to tell me, just not to lie to me."  
  
"All right. I might tell you another time. Not now." He couldn't tell her now. They both might break down. "One question."  
  
"Yes?" Lily asked suspiciously.  
  
"How did you know?"  
  
"Female intuition," Lily said with a slight smile. "Now, if you don't mid, I'd like to get started. OH, and bye the way, I don't think I'd break down."  
  
"Female intuition," James muttered with a shake of his head. "If you have so much damned 'female intuition', why don't you just use it to figure out this Transfiguration crap?" 


	20. Love Triangle

Sorry I haven't updated in so long! I really really am! Just for that, I'll put TWO chapters up. Woot woot!  
  
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"Did you tell him yet?" Cassandra asked Lily as they sat comfortably in the common room.  
  
"Tell who what?" Lily asked distractedly. She had tons of Transfiguration homework to finish and she had to meet Snape in the Library.  
  
"Tell James about Voldemort," she whispered harshly, as if it was the most obvious thing in the world.  
  
"No. I keep forgetting."  
  
"Lily! I can't believe you! You're alone with him everyday, but -"  
  
"I'm not alone with him everyday. Some days I'm in the Library with Snape working on Potions."  
  
"Oh, yes. I . . . forgot about that little bit of information," Cassandra said accusingly and leaned back in the chair to enjoy seeing Lily squirm.  
  
"What do you mean by that?"  
  
"Just that the fact that you seem to be spending quite a bit of time with Snape. Alone."  
  
"I don't know what you're talking about. We're just -"  
  
"Working on Potions. Uh-huh. Sure. That excuse may work this time, Lily, but in the future, I suggest you use a plausible one."  
  
"Excuse? Excuse for what?"  
  
"For the chance to be alone with Snape while you're still going out with James. But I have no clue how you think you can handle it, juggling two men like that? I don't think I could do it, especially if they were as big enemies as Snape and James are."  
  
"I'm not juggling anyone! Snape and I are Potions partners. We work together. That is it. We're not even friends."  
  
"Methinks the lady doth protest too much," Cassandra quoted while examining her nails. But she didn't miss seeing Lily take two deep breaths. Cassandra knew she was counting backwards from ten. It never failed to amuse her when Lily did this. It rarely worked, and this time looked like it would be no different.  
  
"I am goddamn sick and tired of people accusing me of being with Snape! At times, he can be a nice kid when he wants to be, but I'd never go out with him," Lily said in a furious whisper. "First James was accusing me of doing something and now you? Who's next in line? Sirius? Remus? Peter?! Well, I don't have to take it. I'll be in my dormitory." Lily grabbed her books and stalked up the stairs.  
  
Once she was in her dormitory, Lily dropped her books on her bed and after a moment's hesitation, followed them. She knew she completely over reacted, but she had to set the record straight. It didn't help that Snape was sending out signals. He honestly didn't realize that Lily didn't like him, in the least bit. That or he didn't care. No matter what she said to Snape, he flirted with her constantly. Thank goodness this report would be over and done with soon. And maybe she did protest too much, but she hated people accusing her of wrong things. Especially cheating on a boy she loved. With Snape. Ugh. Lily got up and began pacing around the room.  
  
Some how she had to convince everybody that she was doing nothing with Snape. She had a feeling that even though James had told her he trusted her, she knew he was still suspicious. He didn't trust Snape, but he should trust her. With a quick glance at the clock, Lily grabbed some books and headed to the Library to meet Snape. She'd have to think about this later.  
  
~~~*~~~*~~~*~~~*  
  
"I'm telling you James, Snape is poaching." Sirius, James, Remus, and Peter sat in the common room a safe distance away from Lily and Cassandra.  
  
"Lily wouldn't do anything," James objected. "I trust her."  
  
"You might trust Lily, but do you trust Snape?" Remus asked pointedly. James glared at him and thought about not answering him, considering the fact that the answer was extremely obvious to anyone. (A/N: You must remember, Snape is a stinky, slimy Slytherin.)  
  
"Who in their right mind would trust him? But what can I do about it?"  
  
"Just - uh-oh. I think Lily and Cassandra were just having a similar conversation." Sirius nodded his head in the girls' direction. James turned around just in time to see Lily stalk up to her dormitory. Cassandra walked over to where the Marauders were sitting with a mischievous smile on her face.  
  
"Hey, guys," she said as she sat down on a chair next to Sirius's. "What's going on, kids?"  
  
"We're just pondering over the James/Lily/Snape triangle," Remus commented easily and ignored the evil look James gave him. He was immune to such tactics at this point in his life. That, and he totally expected it.  
  
"There isn't a triangle," James muttered. He was beginning to hate the time he spent with his friends.  
  
"James is just jealous of Snape because he's stealing Lily away from him." Sirius was really enjoying the time he spent with dear ol' Jamesie-poo. "I mean, look at Moony here, he isn't pining over his woman because she's spending her time with another man."  
  
"That's because her Potions partner is a girl. And a Gryffindor at that," Remus shot back, noticing that James was definitely not liking this conversation.  
  
"Snape isn't stealing Lily. She wouldn't allow it. They're only partners, not even friends."  
  
"Uh-huh. That's what they all say. Next thing you know, they'll be meeting in the Astronomy Tower to do homework because they're 'partners', and they aren't even in the same class. She'll just keep make excuses, Jamsie-poo."  
  
"Unless you want your jaw broken, you'll shut up, Sirius. Now." Everybody could see that he meant it. James's teeth were clenched and his hands were balled into tight fists. He was about to blow.  
  
"Woo, sorry, bud. I really didn't mean it, Prongsie-pal. You don't have to get all Mr. Defensive on me." Sirius held his hands up in a warding motion.  
  
"Just lay off. I don't need to take this shit. I'll talk to you guys later." James stood up abruptly and went up to his dormitory.  
  
"I think he's a little angry."  
  
"Thank you for stating the obvious, Moony."  
  
"You handled that quite well, Padfoot."  
  
"Oh, hush up, you little rat," Sirius said to Peter.  
  
"Yeah, well, you didn't have to rag on him so much."  
  
"You shut up, too, Remus."  
  
"Hey, just trying to give you a little help, tootsie."  
  
"I don't need help."  
  
"Oh, stop being such an ass, Sirius. I know it may be hard, but you don't always have to act like Dickhead of the Year," Cassandra said comfortably and didn't bother to be afraid of the look Sirius gave her. It was more amusing than frightening. Remus and Peter just stared. The only person they had ever heard talk to Sirius like that and live to tell the tale was James and occasionally Remus. Peter didn't even talk to Sirius like that. But then Peter was a chicken after all.  
  
"Okay, okay. But since I'm Dickhead of the Year, shouldn't I be able to have my picture in The Daily Prophet?"  
  
"But we wouldn't want to break the camera, darling, would we?" she asked sweetly and batted her eyelashes. Peter openly blanched at this. Cassandra was going to get her ass beat. Remus tried to hide the grim. Sirius looked like he would blow any second. If a fight broke out, he was putting all his money on Cassandra.  
  
"Then we'd better keep it away from you, my little love. We wouldn't want to kill any reporters," Sirius said with a slight warning in his voice that Cassandra chose to ignore.  
  
"Then don't open your mouth. I'm sorry, dear, but your breath is horrid. Maybe that's why you're such a sucky snog." Cassandra saw Sirius snap at that moment. It was almost a physical reaction. His eyes were two pools of fire and his body tensed. You never tease a man about his sexual talents, especially not Sirius Black.  
  
"Take that back, Cassandra," Sirius demanded and clenched his fists. Cassandra just smiled innocently.  
  
"I don't take back things that are true. If you haven't realized that you're such a horrible snog, it's just because you're so stupid."  
  
"I may not be the smartest person in this school, but I'm not stupid." He looked really mad now, she observed. Good, it was taking his mind off of how much of a jerk he was to James.  
  
"Don't let your penis get to your head, Sirius."  
  
"Shut up, Cassandra. If you don't shut up, I'm going to make you shut up."  
  
"No, you won't. I can beat you up any day, any time."  
  
"Yeah right, you dumb bitch." This time it was Cassandra's hands that clenched. She absolutely hated being called a bitch.  
  
"Don't you dare call me a bitch, you arrogant bastard." She said this with such intensity that Remus's eyes widened in astonishment. He had never seen her this mad before. She looked like she could gladly break Sirius's jaw. Then laugh as he lay bleeding and the floor.  
  
"Why not? It's true."  
  
"Take that back."  
  
"I don't take things back that are true." Remus couldn't help it. They were both just too ridiculous! He had to laugh or he'd explode. Both Sirius and Cassandra whipped their heads around and Remus laughed harder at the identical expressions of rage on their faces. Peter just looked confused and rather terrified next to him.  
  
"What's so funny?" Remus just pointed at them and kept laughing breathlessly.  
  
"Would you shut up, Moony? You're giving me a headache," Sirius said irritably. But he had to admit he wasn't angry anymore. Within a few seconds he began chuckling. Moments later he was out and out laughing. Cassandra was clutching his arm so she wouldn't fall off the couch while laughing.  
  
"Guys? What are you laughing about?" Peter asked, still looking extremely confused. Sirius shrugged weakly and Cassandra buried her head in his shoulder. Remus shook his head and clutched his stomach as he fell to the floor. Just then Lily came dawn the steps. Seeing the laughing trio she stopped dead in her tracks and raised her eyebrows. Cassandra looked up and started cracking up again.  
  
"I'm not going to ask. I'll be in the Library." Lily walked away shaking her head. "And they are my best friends," she said to herself.  
  
A few minutes after Lily left Sirius, Remus, and Cassandra had calmed down. Remus was still laying on the floor, he really didn't feel like getting up.  
  
"What were we fighting about again?" Sirius asked Cassandra.  
  
"I have no freakin' clue. But let's promise not to fight again."  
  
"Okay."  
  
"I doubt that'll last a week," Remus said and earned a kick in the side from Cassandra.  
  
~~~*~~~*~~~*~~~*~~~*~~~*~~~*~~~*~~~*~~~*~~~*~~~*~~~*~~~*~~~*~~~*~~~*  
  
Yeah .. it wasn't that good. I'll have the next chapter up right away. Then I probably won't update in another three years .. sorry! 


	21. The Whore

See! Told you I'd update right away! But I have to go through all the other chapters and make sure they're written right. And I have to write more. Jesus, this story is going on forever. I've lost a lot of reviewers ..  
  
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"We'll need to use a different book than Potions for the Mind," Lily said to Snape as she slipped into the work routine. "There just isn't enough information."  
  
"But we looked in all the other books, Lily," Snape reasoned. It was true. The other students seemed to have taken out all the good books for Potions already.  
  
"I know. Only if we could get Moste Potente Potions. It's bound to have stuff about the Forgetful Potion in it, but it's in the Restricted Section. Hostis'll never give me permission to take it out, and the essay is due in two days."  
  
"Why wouldn't she let you take out the book? You're her best student." Snape found himself to be rather confused.  
  
"Because she doesn't like me. I'm Gryffindor, not Slytherin. Remember?"  
  
"But that shouldn't matter," he protested. Now he was really confused.  
  
"You know that, and I know that, but Hostis doesn't know that. Or is she does, she doesn't care."  
  
"But -"  
  
"Severus, where have you been for the past seven years? Hostis has always hated Gryffindors. She's head of the Slytherin house. It's part of the job or something."  
  
"That's so stupid."  
  
"Yeah, well, what can you do? That's life," Lily said with a shrug. She didn't really care about Hostis anymore, the frigid bitch. "We have to get that book, though."  
  
"I can get it."  
  
"Oh, really?"  
  
"Yeah, I'm her favorite student."  
  
"So I've noticed," she replied dryly. But he had a point; Snape always got what he wanted when it came to Professor Hostis. "Do you think you could? We really could use the book."  
  
"Yeah, no problem. Like I said, I'm her favorite student. I'll go now, the sooner the better, right? Be right back." Snape got up and walked away without a glance over his shoulder. Lily sighed and looked over her notes again. It was amazingly pathetic how little they had accomplished for this stupid essay. She hoped Snape was able to persuade Hostis that they needed that book. Maybe there was an advantage to having a Slytherin as a partner.  
  
Thank goodness that a Hogsmeade weekend was coming up, she thought as she rolled her shoulders. She needed to let loose. All the homework and tutoring was catching up on her. And the Head duties. She couldn't forget the Head duties. A day in Hogsmeade with the Marauders would definitely get her loose.  
  
She only tensed for a moment when someone's hands rested on her shoulders and began messaging them. It felt so good. She wouldn't even care if it was Voldemort behind her. Her shoulders and - ooh, that was a good spot - and her neck was - mmm, this was really nice - very tense lately. And who ever was massaging the back of her neck had simply wonderful hands. Lily closed her eyes and let the massaging wonder continue. She felt him lean in and run his lips across the top of her head so softly that she shivered. The hands slowly stopped and the person took their hands and trailed them lightly down her arms, them dropped them by their side. Lily turned around to see who the person was and gasped before the person leaned in for a kiss.  
  
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"Okay, that's it." James stood up abruptly in the common room. He had just come down from pacing in his dormitory.  
  
"What's it?" Sirius asked. If it was what he thought, they were going to have a nice show.  
  
"I'm going to take all of you guys down to the Library so you can see for yourself that Lily is not messing around with Snape!"  
  
"Looks like someone has to settle their conscience," Remus muttered under his breath, but he got up to follow the stalking James out of the common room. Sirius and Cassandra followed him, laughing silently to each other.  
  
By the time they reached the Library, Sirius and Cassandra had stopped laughing. They, along with Remus, were afraid of what James would do to Lily, or Snape for that matter. They had seen James in this sort of temper before, and it did not bode well. The three hoped that their friendly jests would not prove to be true as James lead them into the Library. And they stopped dead in their tracks.  
  
Snape was massaging Lily's shoulders and Lily sure as hell wasn't objecting. James's hands clenched into tightly balled fists as Snape ran his hands possessively down her arms. Lily turned around slowly and Snape leaned down and kissed her. Directly on the lips.  
  
Lily couldn't move. She seemed to be frozen in place. Snape was kissing her. She couldn't believe Snape was kissing her. Within a few seconds she began to register sensations and the numbness slowly seeped out of her body. Snape's lips were chapped and rough on hers, despite the lightness in which he kissed her. Lily still couldn't move. Her eyes stayed open, locked on Snape's closed ones. She was paralyzed. Until she heard someone's horrified and angry gasp.  
  
James couldn't believe it. It was true. Lily and Snape. Snape and Lily. Lily and Snape. Snape and "Lily? Why?" he asked disbelievingly.  
  
"James, it's not what it seems," Lily said as she stood up. "I can explain."  
  
"I'm sure you can, you fucking whore," Sirius spat out. "How could you do this to James? How could you?"  
  
"I'm not a whore." Lily's eyes were alight with anger. She didn't even notice when Snape laid a possessive hand on her shoulder. But the others did. "Just listen -"  
  
"I can't believe you, Lily. I can't believe you would do this to me." James was getting angrier by the second, and it showed by how he stood stiffly straight with his arms by his side.  
  
"James, let me exp -"  
  
"No! I don't want to hear your lies. I've listened to them long enough. How long has this been going on? How long have you been messing around with him," he demanded as he pointed at Snape, "while I poured my heart out to you like a fool?"  
  
"It -"  
  
"You know what? I don't even want to know. All I want is to not have to deal with this - or you - again. We're through, Lily. Over and done with. Now you're free to do what you want and snog with your precious Snape," James said bitterly and stalked away, with Sirius in tow. Remus and Cassandra hesitated ever so slightly when they noticed the crushed look on Lily's face, but turned in unison when Snape pulled her closer.  
  
Lily couldn't believe it. Had James really just broken up with her? Yes, it had really happened. Her worst fears had been brought into reality. She knew by the way her heart hurt. Oh, such pain! It was ungodly. Unbearable. She crossed her arms over her chest and sand to her chair, hoping merely wishing it away would make the pain disappear. It didn't seem to be working. There seemed to be a heavy weight on her shoulders, one she couldn't shrug off. That's when she realized Snape was still holding her. "Get away from me, Snape."  
  
"Lily, -"  
  
"Get out of here. Out of my life."  
  
"But -"  
  
"Go. I don't want you near me. Leave. Leave me in peace." She felt his hand slip off her shoulder and heard his receding footsteps. Oh, on the life of Merlin she hurt. Such pain.  
  
"Lily? What's wrong?" Lily took a deep breath to hopefully hold back the tears she knew would come as she turned to Sol. But she found it was a hopeless and useless act as she saw Sol's concerned face and started sobbing. "Oh, Lily, it's all right. Let it out, just let it out, Lils baby," Sol soothed as Lily sobbed into her robes. "Now, honey," she said as Lily's hysterical sobs ceased, "tell me what happened."  
  
"James broke up with me!" Lily moaned miserably. Sol jerked back so she could look into Lily's face directly.  
  
"Say what!?"  
  
"Quiet, students," Madame Gear (A/N: For those who don't know, and I'm sure many of you don't, gear as it is used here is supposed to be Gaelic for sour. Just thought you'd like that little bit of info) interrupted sternly. "This is a Library."  
  
"Let's go somewhere else and you can tell me everything," Sol said to Lily quietly as she helped her pack her books.  
  
"All right. We can go to the Head's Lounge." Lily quickly wiped off her face and stood up. Crying would do her no good. Crying was useless. But, oh god it still hurt. "Let's go."  
  
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Well guys, what do you think? Not one of my best, but what can you do? You win some, you loose some. Sheesh, they seem to do a lot of fighting in this story, don't they? Maybe that says something about me. Well, hope you enjoyed it and please review!! Please! 


	22. The Angry Sun

WEEEEE!!! UPDATEINGNESS!! Sorry that it's been taking me so long to update, folks. Here's another chapter for you! It's got Sol being pissed off. tee hee, I like writing about angry people.  
  
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"What a fucking asshole! Snape should die and burn in hell while demons feast upon his slimy, disgusting, Slytherin flesh. Although I'd feel sorry for the demons," Sol announced after Lily had told her what had happened.  
  
"So you see it's not my fault? You have to convince James that I did nothing! It's not my fault."  
  
"Of course it's not your fault. And Potter is a stupid fuck for not listening to you in the first place. Come on, Lily. I'll take you to your dormitory and then I can talk to Potter and the others." Sol stood up and abruptly sat back down as Lily pulled rather insistently on her arm.  
  
"I'd rather stay here. I - I don't want to run into James. Or Sirius. Neither of them are rather - rather fond of me at this moment and time," Lily mumbled. She blushed slightly and looked ashamed, as if she had just made some horrible confession.  
  
"Of course. I'll be back soon. In the mean time, why don't you try and get some sleep? It'll make you feel better, I guarantee."  
  
"Thank you, Sol." Lily let go of her hand and looked at her adoringly.  
  
"What are friends for? Get some rest, Lily dear." Sol watched as Lily laid her head on a couch pillow. As soon as she closed her eyes, Sol stalked out of the room planning to kick Potter's ass very thoroughly. And Black's too, while she was at it. For calling her Lily a whore. Fucking asshole.  
  
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"I can't believe her. That freakin' bitch. That bloody whore," James said for the twentieth time in fifteen minutes. Sirius murmured in assent and watched as James paced his dormitory. "Why would she do this? What does Snape have that I don't?"  
  
"Let it go, James," Remus said wearily. He was beginning to have doubts about what had happened. He knew Lily too well to believe for to long that she would actually cheat on anybody, let alone James.  
  
"Let it go? How can I let it go? How could I possibly let this go and still be considered human?"  
  
"What I mean is, shut up and think about it for a second. Would Lily really do this? I don't think so."  
  
"What do you mean?" James asked suspiciously. It sounded as thought good ol' Moony had something up his sleeve. Something he wasn't going to like.  
  
"Do you think you might have over-"  
  
"If you're about to say what I think you're about to say, no. She deserved everything she got."  
  
"But you didn't even give her the chance to explain."  
  
"Because I knew if I let her explain then I'd just end up believing her, no matter what lies she spewed."  
  
"How do you know she'd be lying?"  
  
"Because women are born to deceive." (A/N: cough, BULLSHIT, cough)  
  
"Not Lily. She's not like that. And considering her past, I don't think she'd cheat on you."  
  
"By 'her past', do you mean what you did to her?"  
  
"No. Actually, I don't," Remus said bluntly and looked directly in James's eyes, sensing the challenge.  
  
"Then what do you mean." James stared back, waiting for the answer.  
  
"Lily never told you about her father?"  
  
"I know about him and her mother."  
  
"She didn't tell you about the other thing?"  
  
"Stop talking in riddles, Moony. Spit it out," James said impatiently as Remus looked at him with a bemused expression on his face. Sirius watched the play between the two with an increasing interest. James looked none too happy.  
  
"I don't know if I should tell you. If she didn't tell you, that means that she doesn't want you to know."  
  
"Why don't you guys just stop talking in riddles? I think I should get to some ass kicking." Everybody looked to the doorway and saw Sol leaning nonchalantly on the frame with a slight smile on her face. James backed away as she straightened to her full height. It wasn't the move that frightened him, in fact it was a slow move that didn't show any anger. No, it wasn't the movement. It was the fire that he saw that flared bright in her eyes. And it was directed at him.  
  
"And why would you want to kick his ass? In case you've heard, it wasn't him that did anything," Sirius said sensibly, then shrank back in his chair as those killer eyes were turned on him. "What did I do?"  
  
"What did you do? You honestly have to say that you don't know what you did? You have no freakin' clue?"  
  
"No. I don't. And don't look at me like that." Sol was looking at him with such hatred that he couldn't believe her eyes weren't boring holes directly through him. Then she started moving closer. "Don't you come near me! I'm warning you, Sol. Don't touch me." Peter could not have chosen to come in at a better moment. Sirius was practically standing in his chair in a frantic effort to stay as far away from the angered Sol as possible. Remus and James just looked at the little situation with amused looks on their faces, waiting for Sol to snap and break their friend in half. James was using this distraction as a chance to hopefully divert Sol's anger and Remus thought that Sirius deserved it. Neither made absolutely any move to interfere.  
  
"What is going on, Sirius?" an extremely confused Peter asked cautiously from the doorway.  
  
"She's trying to kill me! I don't know why, but she suddenly turned into Super Bitch. Can't you keep your girlfriend under control, Moony?" Sirius asked, obviously still trying to make light of the situation, even though he was in no position for comics.  
  
"Hey, keep me out of this," Remus protested with his hands up. He had seen Sol on a rampage and knew that she rated up there with Lily and James. "But if you don't mind me asking, Sol, exactly why are so angry at my two best friends?"  
  
"Why? WHY?" Sol asked as she whipped her head around to face him. "Because this - this," she stuttered as she tried to find to correct adjective to describe exactly what she thought of his particular friend, "this moronic, dimwitted, egotistical, revolting piece of slime that you know as James Harold Potter actually had the audacity to suggest that Lily Evens would cheat on him!"  
  
"Well, we all did see her -"  
  
"I don't care what you saw!" Sol shouted, quickly interrupting Sirius's reasoning. "You were deceived."  
  
"What? Are you saying that I didn't see Lily Evens kissing Severus Snape? I think I need stronger prescription glasses, then, because I could have sworn that's what I saw!" James countered angrily. "And what do you know? All you have is Lily's word, I'm sure, since you weren't even there!"  
  
"Wait, Lily was snogging Snape?" Peter asked rather stupidly. (A/N: You must remember that he wasn't there. I didn't feel like including him in that event. Tee hee, he always gets left out of the most important things. Anyway . . .)  
  
"No, she wasn't!" Sol insisted. "And if you had only listened to her, you would have been able to see that you are wrong and that Lily couldn't do this to you, Potter. She doesn't have it in her."  
  
"Then what happened, O Wise One? Please, inform us simpletons of what had really happened," James said sarcastically.  
  
"I will. I'll tell you what happened. Snape was supposed to go get a paper from Professor Hostis so they could check out a book in the Restricted Section. Lily was sitting all by herself and someone came up behind her and started to massage her shoulders. Obviously, she didn't stop them, but she didn't know who they were either. So when the person stopped, she turned around to see Snape standing behind her and he leaned over to kiss her."  
  
"And she didn't stop him."  
  
"No, she didn't, Black. Because she couldn't. She was frozen. She couldn't move. She was scared." Sol said this softly, so softly that James, who was conveniently placed on the other side of the room, had to lean in to hear it. "She was scared, and you accused her of doing something she didn't, and didn't even let her explain herself. Guilty until proven innocent, Potter?"  
  
The second Sol's eyes met his, James felt all the guilt of the situation pile on his shoulders. He knew he was wrong, now he had to figure out what to do about it. He had no fucking clue. "Does she hate me?" he mumbled, hoping the answer was no. Hoping with all his heart the answer was no.  
  
"What?" Sol asked incredulously. "You actually think that after all this she isn't going to hate you?"  
  
"I take that as a 'Yes, she absolutely hates your guts'."  
  
"Actually, you can take that as an 'I have absolutely no freakin' clue, but if I was her, I'd hate your guts'."  
  
"Do you think she'd go back out with me?"  
  
"Wait, you broke up with Lily?" Peter asked, yet again, stupidly.  
  
"Somebody fill this poor kid in? And yes, I think she would go back out with you, Potter. Against my better judgement."  
  
"What do you mean, against your better judgement?"  
  
"I don't think she should go out with you. After how you treated her today, I can see she deserves better."  
  
"Okay, that's enough, Sol. I think it's time you left," Remus said abruptly and grabbed her hand and dragged her to the door. But he stopped when he thought he heard a whisper from James.  
  
"What? I didn't hear you," Sol said as she turned away from Remus and towards James.  
  
"Do you really think she deserves better than me?" James asked quietly with downcast eyes.  
  
"Yes, as a matter of fact I do." James had nothing to say to this blunt statement of honesty. He just sat there and stared after her as Remus dragged her out of the dormitory and left him with Sirius and Peter. A few seconds later, Sol popped her head back in the room.  
  
"I'll kick your ass later, Black. I'm still pissed at you for calling my Lily a whore, you son of a freaking bitch," she announced coolly to a suddenly frightened Sirius. "Have a nice day." And she left.  
  
"I am fucking scared shitless of that girl," Sirius pronounced quite truthfully.  
  
"Okay, guys. What exactly did I miss?" Peter asked. Damn, he seemed to say the stupidest things. Sirius, seemingly thinking along the same lines, through a pillow at the dimwit's face.  
  
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So, what do you think about it? These chapters just don't seem to be long enough anymore. Oh, well, I'll just live with it I suppose. Please review and tell me what you think. Thank you, my faithful readers! 


	23. Normal Lily

A/N: Wow..I haven't updated in awhile. I'm really really sorry, guys! School's been rather hectic and I haven't felt quite..well..inspired. Personal problems. Anway..here's the chapter!  
  
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"Let me in," James demanded to Sol, who was acting like a guard to Lily's dormitory. Three days had passed since he had broken up with Lily, and he had yet to speak with her. The only time he saw her was in class, and she made sure she sat on the other side of the room that he was sitting. And she always looked so miserable.  
  
"No," Sol said for what seemed like the thousandth time in the past five minutes. Whatever happened, she was determined not to let James see Lily. And Lily was determined to keep James away from her.  
  
"Come on, Sol. Don't be so heartless," he pleaded. "Please!"  
  
"Don't turn those puppy-dog-eyes on me, Potter. Like you already said, I'm heartless. Therefor, such tactics do not work on me. Go do something productive. You're not going to see Lily."  
  
"Be a pal. You've let Remus see her!"  
  
"Of course I did. Not only because he wasn't a jackass to her, but Lily wanted to see him."  
  
"Wait, are you saying that Lily doesn't want to see me?" James asked, finally catching on.  
  
"Yes, that is exactly what I am saying," Sol confirmed with a nod of her head. James looked crestfallen.  
  
"She doesn't want to see me?" James couldn't believe it. Why wouldn't she want to see him?  
  
"Look, Potter, do you want me to spell it out for you?" Sol asked irritably with her hands on her hips.  
  
"No, I've got it. Can you give her a message for me?"  
  
"Sure."  
  
"Can you - just - well - just tell her that I love her," James finally said after beginning to say twenty different things that sounded equally pathetic and unworthy.  
  
"I will. Now go away," Sol demanded. James nodded and walked away. As soon as he turned to corner to go to his dormitory, Sol rushed into Lily's room. Lily was sitting at her desk doing homework, as usual. She didn't look like she had been crying, which was a good sign. Maybe she finally realized what a jackass James had been. Lily looked up as Sol closed the door behind her, then turned back to her paper.  
  
"I'll be with you in a second, Sol. I just have to finish this paragraph," Lily said distractedly. She scratched her quill over the parchment in front of her and crossed the last "t" with a flourish. Then she pushed the homework away so it could dry as she turned to Sol. "So?"  
  
"So what?" Sol asked innocently.  
  
"What did he say? I know you were talking to James, Sol," Lily said quickly, just as Sol was going to deny that she knew what she was talking about. "Who else would you talk to for so long?"  
  
"Okay, okay," Sol sighed. "He wants to see you, and I told him that you didn't want to see him. He seemed rather depressed and speechless at that. Then he finally stuttered out that he loves you. Satisfied?"  
  
"Yeah, pretty much. So, he's crawling?"  
  
"Oh, most definitely," Sol said with relish and sat on Lily's unoccupied bed. "He'd do anything to get you back at this moment and time."  
  
"I like have men in the palm of my hand. But I'm not sure I want him back," Lily said mischievously with a gleam in her eye that Sol appreciated. Lily was back.  
  
"What do you have planned, my little flower?" Sol asked eagerly, hoping to help her as much as possible in a plot to destroy Potter.  
  
"Well, I was thinking . . ."  
  
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Sol left the room silently giggling to herself. Who knew that Lily was such an evil person under all that do-goodieness? Lily's plan was, in one word, ingenious. How she thought of it, Sol would never know, but it was perfect. And now, she thought as she walked towards the Gryffindor common room, was time for Phase One. She sat comfortably next to Remus and expertly ignored the glares from James. Sirius was finally beginning to seem less wary of her since the day she slapped him across the face. He actually would sit as close as two feet away from her. And Cassandra was just . . . Cassandra. At least she was feeling sorry for acting like she had towards Lily.  
  
"Hey, guys," she declared happily and looked around the little group. Peter had his nose shoved in a book and Cassandra looked suspiciously at her. She knew that something was up and was sure one hell of a show was going to be put on today. Just as she was about to ask, Lily came down the steps. And she looked stunning.  
  
Her hair was pulled back in a neat ponytail and she had changed out of her school robes since it was a Hogsmeade day and classes were cancelled. Instead, she had on a pair of tight Muggle jeans and a dark blue sweatshirt with a hood that came down to the middle of her thighs and somehow showed off her every curve, despite it's bagginess. She had put on some makeup to cover the remains of her weeping and wore the locket James had given her for Christmas. She had not taken it off since, but to James this meant something. This meant that he just might have a chance. She flashed to group a smile as she came over to them.  
  
James stood up and went over to her. "Lily . . ." he said helplessly. None of the things he had planned to say seemed to want to come out of his mouth. He lifted a hand and put it on her shoulder.  
  
"Hello, James," Lily said and lifted an eyebrow as she looked at the hand on her shoulder. She picked it up by his wrist and dropped it away from her body. "How are you?"  
  
"I'm - I'm fine, Lily," James managed. What was going on? Lily seemed unaffected by what had happened. She seemed . . . normal.  
  
"How come everybody's just sitting here?" Lily asked the group, dismissing James subtly. "Isn't it a Hogsmeade weekend?"  
  
"Yeah, it is, Lils. We'd better get going," Remus replied with a smile as he stood up. He had a feeling he knew exactly what she was doing. And he thought it was fantastic.  
  
"Well, let's go, then," she replied and gestured with her hand to the rest of the group. Cassandra, Sirius, Peter, Remus and Sol all moved ahead of her. James appeared to be frozen on the spot.  
  
"Are you coming, James?" she asked as she turned back to him.  
  
"Yes. Yes, I'm coming, Lily," he said softly and waited until Lily began walking to let out the breath he had been holding. What was with this girl? One day she's crying her eyes out, the next she's calmly putting him off. With a shake of his head, he followed Lily out the portrait hole. James felt as if he was never going to figure out Lily Evens.  
  
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James didn't change his mind about Lily by the time they reached Hogsmeade. She acted as if nothing had changed. Well, she acted as if they had never gotten in a huge fight or that James had broken up with her. She didn't even act as if they had ever gone out! What was with this girl, anyway? She did nothing different, showed no signs of hate, sadness, or grief. Something was most definitely wrong.  
  
"Where to first, gang?" Lily asked with a clap of her hands. She knew that James was trying to puzzle her out, trying to figure out why she was acting like she was. Why she was acting so normal. That was part of the plan. The plan was to act as if nothing had ever happened between them, and see what happened. So far, it was working rather well.  
  
"I need to get to Zonko's," Sirius replied before anyone else could think of an answer. But of course, what was a trip to Hogsmeade without going into Zonko's Joke Shop?  
  
"Me too. I have to stock up on Dungbombs," Remus said. "And quite of few other pranking necessities."  
  
"To Zonko's Joke Shop it is, then," Cassandra declared and led Sirius by his hand with the rest close behind. Peter took this opportunity to silently slip away unnoticed. He had some business to take care of that was best not done in the presence of his friends.  
  
As Peter slinked away, Lily laughed at some stupid prank Sirius played on some third year Ravenclaws. She realized it was the first time she had truly laughed in about five days. She had been so tense about getting the Potions paper done, then James had broken up with her. She just hadn't had the opportunity to get loose and be free of worries. "We better hurry up, guys. We have to be able to get a table at The Three Broomsticks if we want any butterbeer," she said to the Marauders as they gleefully wandered through the store.  
  
"We don't have to get a table," Remus reasoned while looking at some Dungbombs.  
  
"But it's preferred," Lily shot back. "How about this: we'll go get a table and meet you there when you're done. Sound good to you kids?"  
  
"We're not kids," Sirius automatically said. "But, yeah, that sounds just dandy."  
  
"Good," Lily declared as she grabbed both Cassandra's and Sol's hands and drug them out of the store. She companionably hooked her arms in theirs and proceeded to walk to The Three Broomsticks.  
  
"What is up with you, child?" Cassandra asked as they neared the crowded meeting place.  
  
"What ever do you mean, my dear Cassandra?" Lily asked innocently.  
  
"You know what I mean, chickadee. Now, we'll go get a table and you go order drinks. Butterbeers all around," she replied and led Sol to a table in the back. By the time they found a table with a big enough booth to fit them plus the Marauders, they had only sat down for a few moments before Lily accompanied them. "So, Lils, what's up with you?"  
  
"And what are you referring to?" Lily replied calmly and slid a look to Sol.  
  
"I am referring to how you're suddenly acting. Not like I disapprove of it, quite the contrary, but I would like to know the logic behind it all." Just as discreet as the look Lily gave her, Sol nodded.  
  
"Well, I figured I've mopped long enough over the whole thing between James and I. So, I decided, with the help of Sol, that I should just act like nothing had ever happened between the two of us. By the time the day is over, James will be so confused, he won't have any idea what hit him. He'll come crawling back to me within a day or two, and I might just let him.  
  
"But, on the other hand, I might not," Lily finished as Madame Rosmerta came over with their butterbeers. Cassandra wisely waited until she left to comment on Lily's plan of redemption.  
  
"That is bloody fantastic! You're a freakin' genius, Lily! I couldn't think of something better myself. Damn, your good," she mused lifted her glass. "I would like to propose a toast to Lily Evens, a genius of geniuses." Sol and Lily raised their glasses and tapped them in the middle of the table and sipped from their mugs.  
  
"Thank you, my dear Cassandra."  
  
"For Merlin's sake, what's taking them so long?" Sol asked irritably and was surprised a pair of hands grasping her shoulders from behind.  
  
"I suppose that 'them' is us?" Remus said and sat next to Sol.  
  
"I suppose so," Cassandra said. Lily got up so Sirius could get in between her and Cassandra. That left James sitting next to Lily. That would prove interesting. "Did you order your drinks?"  
  
"Oops," James said sheepishly and smiled. Everybody looked at him, and he was immediately voted to be the one to go up. "I'll be right back, kids." Everyone except Lily watched him wind his way through the tables until his was out of hearing range.  
  
"So, Lils, what's up with you and James?" Sirius asked casually and earned an elbow to the ribs by Cassandra. "Ow, what was that for?" he whispered out of the side of his mouth.  
  
"For being a stupid git," she whispered back.  
  
"Nothing's up," Lily replied just as casually and took a sip of her butterbeer.  
  
"Are you guys going out?"  
  
"Of course not. He broke up with me, remember?"  
  
"Yeah, but I thought you guys would get back together."  
  
"Well, you thought wrong." Sirius was speechless at this. Was Lily really over James? It seemed that way.  
  
"Have you given him a chance to apologize?" Remus asked, his eyes boring into hers.  
  
"He has the rest of the day," Lily said with a shrug. "Speak of the devil," she muttered as James approached. He plopped down next to Lily with a smile and through his arm around her shoulders.  
  
"So, Lils, how's it going?" he asked and brought her close to his side. Everyone watched breathlessly for her reaction.  
  
Lily just looked at the arm around her shoulders and plucked it off. She brought it over her head and placed it on the table, a safe distance away from her and moved over so her thigh was no longer touching his. "Just dandy, thanks. Did you get what you needed in Zonko's?"  
  
"Yep," he replied, undaunted by her frosty attitude. He'd just work around it. He ran his hand over her hair in the ponytail. "I have enough stock to prank Slytherins for months."  
  
Lily shook James's hand off and looked directly into his eyes. "James, please do not touch me."  
  
"Why not, Lils?"  
  
"Because I don't want you to. If you insist on putting your arm around my shoulders or touching my hair or other such nonsense, I will be forced to leave. So please refrain from touching me unless it is absolutely necessary," Lily said. James shivered. Behind those cold words, there was fire, and he knew she meant every word.  
  
"I understand," James whispered as Madame Rosmerta brought the Marauders their drinks. "I understand completely."  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
Ha ha ha, and the evilness begins! I know, I know. I'm just a total evil bitch, but I can't help it! It's not my fault if James was a total jackass! Well, if you ignore the fact that I created his personality, then it really isn't my fault. Until the next chapter! 


	24. A Plan Is Made

A/N: Look..what is this? Yes! It is me updating!! Yay!! Sorry I took so long, folks. My computer died and extreme writer's block happened. I love you all for waiting!!  
  
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James simply couldn't believe her – her gall! Lily acted as if nothing had happened. She was acting as if he had never accused her of cheating on him with Snape, or broke up with her. No, James admitted to himself, that wasn't entirely true. She was acting as if they had never gone out to begin with. She was acting as if neither of them had ever declared love for each other. She was just acting like . . . Lily. She walked down the streets of Hogsmeade just like they had millions of times before. She did nothing different. He slid a look over to her and saw her laughing at one of Sirius's inane jokes.  
  
"What are you glowering at, James?" Remus asked, walking into step next to him. James just shook his head rather dejectedly and glared at Lily as she laughed loudly. Remus, seeing this look, elbowed James slightly in the ribs. "Oh, James, get over it. If you just apologize, she'll take you back."  
  
"Yeah right, she wouldn't take me back for anything." He shoved his hands in his pockets and tried not to look at Lily who was now whispering to Sol and Cassandra, undoubtedly about him.  
  
"Cut the self-pity act, kiddo!" Sirius announced good naturally and flung an arm around James's neck. "It'll all be good! The Marauders always get their girl."  
  
"Yeah, you can say that because you finally got Cassandra."  
  
"Come on, James," Remus said, lightly punching James on his arm. "You're a man. Be strong."  
  
"Yeah, yeah, yeah," James muttered and glared at Lily as she stopped walking to talk to Cortland Wood, Gryffindor's Keeper. "Look at her! She's practically throwing herself at him! It's disgusting."  
  
Sirius slid his gaze discreetly over to Lily and Cortland. Personally, he thought they were simply having a pleasant conversation, like she would with Remus or himself. And he said so to James.  
  
"Bullshit. She is totally flirting with him." His entire body tensed as Lily laughed ruffled Cortland's hair. "That's it. I'm going over there."  
  
~~~*~~~*~~~*~~~*  
  
"He's staring at me again," Lily whispered to Sol and Cassandra.  
  
"Of course he is," Sol agreed. Cassandra simply nodded. "He's trying to figure you out, and miserably failing."  
  
Lily, slightly taken back by Cassandra's silence, asked, "What, no cheeky comment, Cass?"  
  
"Well, it's just that – are you sure you know what you're doing? What if James doesn't apologize? What if he doesn't come crawling back to you?" she asked, wary of Lily's plan of revenge.  
  
"Then I guess that would mean that he doesn't want me."  
  
"Would you be able to deal with that?"  
  
"Of course. After all, I am a woman. I can take anything." Lily smirked and looked up. "Hey, look, it's Cortland. I'm going to go talk to him. Hey, Cortland!"  
  
"Hey, Lily. How's it going?" Cortland Wood said as he looked up and saw Lily.  
  
"It's going. I came to the game last week." Secretly, she hoped James was watching, just so he could see that she could still talk to other guys. "You were great."  
  
"No I wasn't, Lils. You're just saying that," Cortland said modestly, bending his head so Lily wouldn't see him blush. But he really hoped that she did think he was great. He had been harboring a crush on Lily Evans since fifth year when she stopped Lucius Malfoy from breaking his younger sister's arm in a vicious prank.  
  
"You're so modest, Cort," Lily said laughing and ruffled Cortland's hair.  
  
"Uh-oh," Cassandra mumbled to Sol as she saw James heading over to Lily and Cortland.  
  
"You said it," Sol muttered back.  
  
"Hey, Lily," James said grabbing Lily's arm. He pulled her into a deep kiss despite her attempts to break free. When he finally drew away, he pulled her close to his side. "Oh, hello, Wood. I didn't notice you there."  
  
"Hello, James," Cortland replied, slightly put back by James's frosty tone. But he understood when he wasn't wanted around. "I'll, uh, see you later, Lily. Good bye James."  
  
"Good bye, Wood." James watched Cortland until he was a safe distance away, sill holding on to Lily. And she was smart enough to wait to speak until Cortland was a safe distance away.  
  
"James, get the fuck off of me, you bloody asshole. I already told you once today that I don't want you touching me." Lily turned to face James and tried to pry his hands off her.  
  
"You said that I was to refrain from touching you until it was absolutely necessary. I happened to find it absolutely necessary," James replied coolly, keeping a tight hold on Lily.  
  
"I don't see what was so necessary about it. I was having a nice conversation with a friend of mine –"  
  
"'Nice conversation'? Is that what they call it these days? And it appeared to me that Wood is more than a friend."  
  
Lily just stood there for a few seconds, trying to assess what James had just said. She even stopped trying to get out of his grasp. Then what he had said sunk in. And she laughed.  
  
"I hardly see this as a laughing matter, Lily Evans."  
  
"Oh, James, believe me, if you were in my shoes you would see just how ludicrous this situation is."  
  
"I fail to see the hilarity."  
  
"James, I can't believe you're so jealous! And of Cortland!" Lily said breathlessly as she wiped the tears from her eyes. "Oh, thank you for that well needed entertainment, James."  
  
"I'm glad I could amuse you," he said dryly. He dropped his hold on Lily and took a step back. "Although that was not my intention."  
  
"I'm sorry that I laughed at you, James," Lily said, sounding like she was truly sorry. "It's just that I've never seen you so jealous before without any reason to be. I mean, since you and I aren't going out anymore –"  
  
"Do you think that makes a difference? That just because we aren't dating that I care less about you?" James fisted his hands at his sides to stop himself from reaching out and touching her. "Lily, I love you, and nothing will ever change that. Whatever happens, I will always love you. Even when I had thought that you had cheated on me, I loved you. Maybe that's why I had gotten so angry with you. Because I had emptied my heart to you, and I thought that everything you said had been false. That you never loved me. That it was all just a game to snag me."  
  
"James," Lily began as she put a hand on his shoulder. He didn't know how much that little move cost her. "I had no idea you felt that way."  
  
"Yeah, well, now you do. Not like you care or anything." James turned away before Lily could say anything back to him. "It's time to go."  
  
~~~*~~~*~~~*~~~*  
  
"I can't believe he said all that to me!" Lily exclaimed to Cassandra and Sol. And not for the first time. They had collected in Lily's room. Cass was currently sprawled out over Lily's bed. "What right does he have to talk about love like that? He threw me carelessly away! How does that show that he loves me?"  
  
"Hey, Lily, how about taking a seat before the carpet wears out?" Cassandra said casually and ignored the piercing gaze from her pacing friend. "I don't see why you're so bugged out about this anyway."  
  
"Yeah, really. This isn't any new news or anything," Sol added sensibly. "You already knew that he loved you."  
  
"But there's that little fact that I thought that he didn't love me anymore, therefor was a perfect candidate for revenge. If I didn't know that he cared about me, I wouldn't care about hurting him. And if I didn't care about hurting him, then I wouldn't care about rejecting him when he came crawling back. Now I have to change my entire plan, all because he said that he loves me.  
  
"Why can't men make anything simple?" Lily said, finishing her little tirade as she plopped onto her bed and almost sitting on Cass. She expertly ignored her little protest.  
  
"Because if they made things simple, they wouldn't be men," Sol reasoned.  
  
"Well, put. Besides, you can always make a different plan."  
  
"Why, my dear Cassandra," Lily said as she elbowed her ribs, signaling her to move over, "I think you are brewing something."  
  
"As a matter of fact, I am."  
  
"Well, come on girl! Spill already."  
  
"What do you think of Cortland?"  
  
"What? Cortland Wood?" Lily replied, taken aback by the unexpected question.  
  
"Of course Cortland Wood," Cassandra said, rolling her eyes. "What other Cortland do you know? So, what do you think of him?"  
  
"He's sweet. And smart. And an excellent Keeper. And he is cute," Lily said as she laid back on the bed.  
  
"And he has had a crush on you since fifth year," Sol added.  
  
"That's not true!" Lily objected. "Is it?"  
  
"Of course it is," Cassandra said, once again rolling her eyes. "Remember when you stopped Malfoy from killing his little sister?"  
  
"Yes, and he didn't almost kill her, he almost broke her arm. She slipped on some frog guts he spilled on the floor, and I just stopped her from falling."  
  
"From what I remember," Sol corrected, "you kept Hermia levitated when she slipped so she wouldn't fall. Then you cleaned up the guts that Malfoy had placed on the floor before you carefully lowered her to the floor, then helped her to the Hospital Wing. And Cortland's had a sever crush on you ever since. But of course, my memory may be slightly distorted."  
  
"Nope, not distorted at all. That's how I remember it, too. Lily's just too modest to be a Gryffindor, that's it. Now that I think about it," Cassandra said with a vicious smirk, "Cortland's the same way."  
  
"Oh, now I see where this is going," Sol said, rolling her eyes.  
  
"Yeah, me too. Let me take a wild guess here – you want me to go out with Cortland to make James jealous, even though I don't really like him that much. Right?"  
  
"Exactly, Lily."  
  
"No."  
  
"What?"  
  
"No."  
  
"Why not? Lily, it's not like Cortland's horrible or anything."  
  
"I know, but . . . it would be wrong. I don't have any feelings for him. If he indeed has feelings for me, which I severely doubt," she said, throwing a look at Cass, "it would be wrong to make him think that I like him."  
  
Cass and Sol simply stared at her for a few more seconds. "Wouldn't it?"  
  
"No!" Cass said, throwing her hands up in frustration. "Merlin! I do that all the time!"  
  
"Me too," Sol admitted.  
  
"Well, I'm not saying that I haven't done it before, but it seems kinda wrong right now because I'm using it to get back at James. That is wrong, isn't it?"  
  
"Not at all!" Sol exclaimed. "Give Potter another two days, then you can ask Cortland out."  
  
"Okay, that sounds good," Lily said with a shrug.  
  
"So Potter's got two days till his doom," Cass said with a smirk. "Let's hope he uses them wisely." 


	25. Revelations

Sorry it took me so long to update, guys! I'll try to have the next chapter up sooner, I promise. School's been really hectic... Well, enjoy!  
  
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Two days later, James Potter sat in the common room, actually attempting to do work for once. James clenched his jaw as he heard Lily laugh at something Wood said. She had been doing that all night. Flirting with him, knowing well that James was watching her. He snapped his quill in half as he heard Lily laugh again. He glared in the general direction of Lily and Cortland before slamming his book shut and slumped down in his chair. Remus followed suit, slamming the Potions book he had been working out of closed, sinking into the chair and adapting an uncharacteristic look of grumpiness on his face.  
  
"What's wrong?" Sirius asked. Just as James opened his mouth to answer, he interrupted him. "Not you, Prongsie pal. We all know what's wrong with you. I mean dear old Mooney over here."  
  
Remus sighed and stared at the arm of the chair he was sitting in as if he was deep in concentration. He mumbled something and only sighed when Sirius asked him to repeat himself. The rest of the Marauders waited patiently for his answer, knowing that Remus would eventually spill whatever was occupying his ever-busy mind.  
  
"Sol broke up with me. Now she's going out with this Revenclaw. Scott Leler." Remus ran his hands through his hair and stood up. "I'm going up to bed, guys. I'll talk to you tomorrow."  
  
As Remus left, the Marauders glanced at each other, the same question running through all their minds. Would Remus be okay?  
  
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Lily sat on a loveseat in front of the empty fireplace in the Grffindor common room that night, instead of camping out in the Heads Lounge. She definitely did NOT want to meet up with James in the middle of the night. She wished for a fire, but had left her wand up in her dorm and couldn't bring herself to get up from her chair. A faint creak was heard from the direction of the stairs and she halfway turned to see who it was.  
  
"Lily?" Remus asked sleepily and ran a hand through his hair. He walked over to where she was sitting and sat next to her. "What are you doing here?"  
  
"Couldn't sleep. I decided to come here because I –" she caught herself before she stated her real reason for avoiding the Head Lounge "- because I wanted some familiar scenery."  
  
Remus noticed the slight change of tone in her voice, but prentended that he didn't. He just wanted this moment alone with Lily.  
  
"What are you doing up so late, Remus?" Lily asked.  
  
Remus smirked. "Couldn't sleep." Lily laughed and little and ruffled his hair. "Too many thoughts clogged up in this head of mine."  
  
Lily's face fell at this, knowing exactly what those thoughts could be about. "Sol told me," she said, her voice soft and understanding. She watched Remus's joking smirk disappear. Lily wished she could make him smile...  
  
"Oh," he replied and looked down. "Well, you guys are best friends. Of course she'd tell you." He leaned his head on the back of the loveseat and closed his eyes.  
  
"It'll all be okay, Remus," he heard her say. He felt her hands run softly through his hair. "Somehow, it'll all work out in the end. You'll find someone that you can love unconditionally and they can love you unconditionally in return." Remus felt Lily press her soft, beautiful lips lightly to his cheek.  
  
He opened his eyes to see Lily's looking back into his. Her eyes were filled with love and kindness, the type of caring that he yearned for.  
  
"I never stopped loving you, Lily," Remus said as a tear fell down his cheek. "I'm so sorry for what I did to you. I ruined something so perfect..." He broke off as Lily just looked at him with that wonderous gaze.  
  
"I love you, Remus."  
  
Remus's face changed from one of misery to one of confusion and happiness. "But...after all I did to you – and don't you love James?"  
  
Lily sighed and kissed Remus on the cheek. "Boys have the worst memories. Didn't I tell you that I'd always love you?"  
  
"Yes, but –"Remus was interrupted when Lily kissed him gently on the lips. Though more than a bit startled, he kissed her back.  
  
Abruptly Lily realized how much she'd missed this. Kissing Remus was so deliciously sweet. He was kind and tentative, almost as if he was afraid he would hurt her. Oh how she wished it never had to end. Reluctantly she pulled away. When Lily finally opened her eyes she saw Remus looking at her with love and tears in his eyes.  
  
"What was that?" After hearing a creak, Lily looked at the stars to see...  
  
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James awoke abruptly. He didn't know what it was, but he could have sworn he heard a sound. With a sigh he pulled on a pair of pajama pants over his boxers. He started to go to the Head Lounge but tossed away that idea. Lily might be there. Instead he headed towards the Gryffindor common room.  
  
As he walked down the steps he thought he heard voices. They stopped as he reached the third step to the bottom. James looked towards the fireplace and saw two people there. As he reached the bottom, the girl lifted her head and he saw who she was.  
  
The bottom step creaked.  
  
Lily looked up, straight at him. "James?" she said, her voice barely above a whisper.  
  
Remus's face paled and he turned around. No, it couldn't be... But there James was, standing there standing at them. Lily stood and started to walk over to him.  
  
"James, I – I can explain," Lily said, her voice shaky.  
  
"Oh?" James said, his face a mask. "I don't think you need to. Obviously you only went out with me because you couldn't be with Remus. I should have known that every time you told me that you loved me you were lying."  
  
Lily felt all the blood rush out of her face. "No, James, it's not like that. Please, let me explain."  
  
James acted as if he didn't hear her. "I expected more from you, Remus. You know how I feel."  
  
Remus stood and walked over to James and grabbed his arm. "I have to talk to you, you selfish prat." As Remus pulled James up the stairs, he called back to Lily, "We'll be right back."  
  
Remus pulled James into a closet and closed the door. "I appreciate your want to get me alone, but I don't swing that way," James said with a smirk.  
  
Remus glared at him. "I am sick and tired of your bullshit, James. Lily is not your property. And the more you treat her like a bloody pet, the more she'll back away."  
  
"Like you have room to talk!" James exclaimed. "You fucking cheated –"  
  
"Yes, James, I know," Remus interrupted bad temperdly, "I cheated on her. I broke her heart. Well, you've broken her heart more times than I have."  
  
Silence greeted this statement. James stared at Remus in surprise. Had he really broken her heart? He immediately thought of the look on her face when she had jumped out the Astronomy Tower, and when he accused her of cheating on him with Snape.  
  
"You're right..." James said finally, his voice weak. "She deserves better than me. All I do is fight with her and hurt her." James opened the door and looked at Remus. "I'm going to talk to her."  
  
Remus nodded. "Okay, I'll go up to bed." They walked out of the closet and went their separate ways.  
  
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Lily ran her hands frantically through her hair as she paced in front of the fireplace. She couldn't believe herself! She was stupid, stupid, stupid! It was bad enough that she flirted with Cort all the time, but then she kissed Remus and told him that she still loved him.  
  
Stupid, stupid, stupid!  
  
Hopefully James wouldn't kill Remus or be mad at him. After all, she was the one that kissed him.  
  
Lily stopped pacing and turned when she heard a creak on the stairs. James was standing there, alone, with his head on the railing.  
  
By Merlin, he was gorgeous.  
  
She took a tentative step forward as he walked towards her. He stopped a foot away from her. Lily attempted to smile and clasped her hands tightly in front of her.  
  
"Hi," she said softly, unsure of what he wanted.  
  
"Hi," he said back. All he could think about was how beautiful she was.  
  
"Umm, where's Remus?" she asked hesitantly.  
  
"He went up to bed. Don't worry, I was nice," James replied with a half smirk.  
  
Lily lowered her eyes. "I was just wondering."  
  
James sighed and ran his hands through his hair. This was not going to be fun or easy. It was going to be painful. Where had the Lily he knew and loved gone? This Lily was meek and quiet. Had he hurt her that much?  
  
"Lily, I'm sorry for everything that I've done to you." Lily looked up to see James's eyes filled with tears. "Remus just made me realize how much I've hurt you. I can't seem to do anything but hurt you recently. I should have seen that before."  
  
Lily dug her nails into her hands, knowing she was drawing blood. She tried to keep her eyes dry. She would not cry in front of James, she would not cry in front of James...  
  
"That's not true." Lily was amazed to find her own voice calm and unshaky. "You have made me the happiest woman alive."  
  
James couldn't help but smile a little. The smile quickly disappeared. "You deserve better than me, Lily. I'll never be able to make you happy, not truly happy." James looked away and Lily knew this meant something important, but she was too distraught to figure it out.  
  
"What are you saying, James?"  
  
"That we can't ever be together. Be with Remus, or even Cortland," James said, still not meeting her eyes. "They're much better for you than I'll ever be."  
  
James couldn't take it anymore. He turned away from Lily, for her crushed, fallen, beautiful face. He turned away from her sobs as his own tears fell down his face.  
  
He turned and walked away from the love of his life.  
  
~~~**~~~**~~~**~~~**  
  
"Hey, guys, have any of you seen Lily?" Cortland asked the group at breakfast. The all shook their heads. Cortland looked thoroughly disappointed. "Well, thanks anyway," he said and walked away to sit with Alicia Casper, one of the two Gryffidor Beaters.  
  
As soon as he walked off Sirius started to laugh under his breath. Cass looked at him with a raised eyebrow. "His name..." Sirius started breathlessly, "is..is..WOOD!" He started to crack up and fell onto Cass who just rolled her eyes and patted his head.  
  
"Yes, Sirius, I know," Cass said. "You've known that for seven years. So calm down."  
  
Slowly Sirius stopped laughing and looked around. "Hey, where's Sol?"  
  
Remus frowned and started to pick at his food, pushing his eggs around on his plate. "Probably with Scott." He realized that everyone's eyes were now on him. He put some eggs into his mouth, only pretending to eat.  
  
"Are you okay, Moony?" Sirius asked, his voice low and concerned.  
  
"Yeah. Fine."  
  
"Where did you go last night?" Sirius inquired abruptly.  
  
Remus looked at him with innocent eyes. "Go?"  
  
Sirius knew that look. It was the look Remus gave teachers when he did something. "Yeah, I woke up around midnight and you weren't there."  
  
"Oh, then." Remus ate some more eggs, keeping himself casual. "I went to the common room. I kept waking up."  
  
Sirius nodded, although he didn't feel fully convinced. He looked around the group and realized that not only was Lily missing, but James too. "Hey, where's James? Do you think him and Lily got back together?" Remus paled and dropped his fork. No one noticed, however, since just then the bell rang, signally that it was time to go to class.  
  
When they arrived in Transfiguration, James was already sitting in his seat in the back. Sirius and Cassandra sat together and Remus stood there looking at James. Should he sit with him? James looked up at him and beckoned to him. Remus walked to the back and sat next to James. "Where's Lily?" he asked out of the corner of his mouth.  
  
James shrugged. "No idea. I figured she was with you."  
  
"I figured she was with you."  
  
James shook his head. "Not after last night. I told her we couldn't be together." He sighed and looked out the window. "I hope I didn't hurt her."  
  
"You told her..." Remus' face paled. "James, do you think she'd..."  
  
James looked at him sharply, understanding exactly what he couldn't say. "No, she wouldn't..."  
  
"She did before..."  
  
Suddenly they both jumped out of their seats and rushed past the rests of the class and a startled McGonagall. "Sorry, Professor!" James yelled.  
  
"It's an emergency!" Remus called over his shoulder as they ran to the Head Tower.  
  
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I hope you guys enjoyed it! Please review!!  
  
~ Lorelei 


	26. Ghost of A Smile

A/N: Hey, guys! This chapter is dedicated to my friend Ryan, although I highly doubt that he reads my crap. It's still dedicated to him. Anywho...  
  
Disclaimer: Yeah, I don't own the wonderful world of Harry Potter and if you guys really thought that I did, you need some serious help.  
  
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"Pixie dust!" James exclaimed as they reached the tower. They rushed into the Head Lounge and saw Lily laying on a couch, still in pajama pants and a t-shirt. Her arm was hanging off the side of the couch and there was a small bottle next to her hand. Her hair was spread out over an arm of the couch and looked tangled.  
  
James went to her side and rested his hand on her cheek. He noticed it was warm, which was a good sign. "Lily. Wake up, Lily," he said softly. "Come on, Lily, you have to wake up."  
  
When Lily didn't awake he felt his eyes tear and heard his voice become frantic. James shook her gently. "Lily, come on. Stop faking. Wake up, Lils."  
  
"James..." Remus said softly when his friend's voice broke. He felt warm tears fall down his face. He couldn't stand to see James like this and the feeling of helplessness consumed him.  
  
"I didn't mean what I said, Lily." James cradled her in his arms and rocked her back and forth. "I swear I didn't mean it. We can be together forever if you'll wake up. Just please wake up...  
  
"I love you, Lily. Don't leave me. I need you. Please don't leave," James said in a teary whisper. He couldn't believe this was happening. He could feel Lily's chest rise and fall against his, but she wouldn't wake up. Why wouldn't she just wake up? Even if she just woke up to yell at him, at least he would know she was okay.  
  
"James, we need to tell someone. Dumbledore," Remus reasoned through is tears. "I'll get Dumbledore."  
  
Remus stumbled out of the room, eager to be away from James's helpless sobs. He ran frantically through the empty halls towards Dumbledore's office.  
  
He turned down the corridor to the Headmaster's office and bumped into someone. Remus looked up and saw that he had conveniently ran right into Dumbledore. "Profess – now – Lily – Head – Lounge –"Remus managed to say breathlessly. The usual smile that graced Dumbledore's face disappeared as he understood what Remus was trying to say. Without making a sound, he headed off towards the Head Tower.  
  
Remus leaned against the wall wearily and tried to catch his breath. He closed his eyes and slid down to the floor, letting the tears fall rapidly. Lily would be okay. She had to be.  
  
~~~**~~~**~~~**~~~**  
  
For the rest of the week the seventh year Gryffindors moved around as if they were zombies, especially the Marauders, Cassandra, and Sol. They did everything mechanically and no pranks were played on anyone, including the Slytherins. Eventually the rumor went through the school about what had happened to Lily Evans, Head Girl from the Gryffindor House.  
  
People whispered as the group sat at their spot by the fire, Lily's space noticeably empty. James and Sirius were seen actually doing homework. Remus seemed even more subdued than usual and Cassandra stopped bouncing around the common room every five seconds. The Gryffindors saw less and less of Sol, who was dealing with the stress by hanging out more and more with Scott.  
  
Exactly one week after the incident the Marauders and Cassandra were sitting in their spot by the fire. Sirius and Cassandra were sitting on one of the couches with Peter. Remus sat in his chair and James sat on the loveseat. Alone.  
  
James stared broodily at the fire as the others talked around him. "She'll be fine, right guys?" he asked unexpectedly, startling the rest of the group. For the past week, James had pretty much kept to himself and only spoke when it was absolutely necessary.  
  
"Well, of course, mate," Sirius replied as if it was the most obvious thing in the world. "Madome Monte hasn't ever failed us. And I doubt she will." His voice was filled with conviction and confidence, but inside her was torn apart. He felt as if a part of his heart was missing. If this was how he felt, he didn't want to know how James felt.  
  
"You're not just saying that to make me feel better, right?" James's voice was harsh and quiet.  
  
"Listen, James," Cassandra said, her voice soft and caring, "we're all worried. We all feel horrible. We all wish that there could have been something we could do to prevent this. And I'm sure we all have the same terrible thought running through out heads – 'Will she make it?'" Cassandra kept her eyes on James and he finally looked up at her. A single tear ran down both their faces. "But she will. Lily's made of tough stuff. She will be okay."  
  
James smiled a little – really only a ghost of a smile – and brightened for the first time all week. "Thank you, Cass."  
  
"Any time, Jamsie-poo," Cassandra replied, smiling back. He turned back to staring at the fire, but this time it was with a faint smile on his face.  
  
Sirius looked over at Remus to see him staring at the ceiling. In a few ways, Remus seemed worse off than James. Never a loud person, Remus was even more introverted than usual. Sirius had figured it was the combination of Sol breaking up with him and Lily being in a coma in the Hospital Wing.  
  
Remus felt someone staring at him and looked down from his contemplation of the ceiling. (A/N: When my one friend was read that sentence, she got really confused because she thought that he was looking for pixies..) Sirius quickly looked away and started chatting with Cassandra. He looked at Sirius for a moment more before looking back at the ceiling. His thoughts immediately steered back to the problem at hand.  
  
Lily had obviously take the pills because of what James had said to her. That meant that she was still very much in love with James, despite what she said to Remus. James had accused Lily of only loving him because she couldn't have Remus. But wouldn't it be the other way around?  
  
Yes, that's exactly how it was.  
  
He couldn't exactly fault Lily for that. James was perfect. Star of the Quidditch team, Head Boy, and every girl thought he was gorgeous. Lily had liked James until James liked her back. That was when she decided that she liked Remus. Then James. Then she couldn't have James, and kissed Remus. Now he wasn't enough.  
  
No, he couldn't fault her, but he could be bitter. Oh yes, he could definitely be bitter.  
  
~~~**~~~**~~~**~~~***~~~**~~~**~~~**~~~**~~~**~~~**~~~**~~~**~~~**~~~**  
  
Wooo! Chapter done! That's one of the fastest updates I've had in awhile. Probably because the chapter was so short. Yeah, sorry about that guys. The chapter was actually going to be longer, but what I had written for it didn't seem to go with it right, so it's going to be in the next chapter, which I'm sure I'll have out pretty quick, too. I dunno, though, because I'm really not supposed to be on the computer. Thank goodness for notebooks and erasable pens... Thanks to all my reviewers, especially for this chapter:  
  
DayDreamer743  
  
Shamrock13  
  
Meg-goddess  
  
Thank you! ~ Lorelei 


	27. Tale of a Wolf

A/N: I know I never let it be known before, but Remus is actually my favorite character. We've been having an affair for some time now, and we'll be married as soon as I turn eighteen. Yeah, he'll wait around for another two years. So don't any of you guys try to take him, he's mine. Yeah...anyway. This chapter is pretty much just full on Remus action, cuz he just rocks that much.

Disclaimer: Don't own it. Don't you guys know it by now?

* * *

"Remus? Oy! Remy-boy!" Sirius exclaimed, startling Remus out of his silent reverie. It was the next night and they were in the common room again, sitting in the same seats, doing the same things, thinking the same thoughts.  
  
"Yeah?"  
  
"Help Cass here with her homework," Sirius demanded. He just smiled when Remus looked at him. "Come on, it'll be a snap for you."  
  
Remus sighed, but switched seats with Peter so he could help Cassandra. He looked down at her work, then back up at Sirius. "You could just as easily help her."  
  
"Remus, I already know," Cassandra said softly. "Lily, Sol and I followed you guys one time. Christmas, actually. We just never brought it up to you."  
  
Remus sighed again. Sirius had probably asked him to help Cassandra because he thought it was time to let her know how it all had happened. This was definitely not the time he wanted to talk about how he became a werewolf. He leaned his head back on the couch and closed his eyes. He hated talking about this.  
  
"Can you please tell me how it happened?" she asked innocently, not realizing that amount of pain it would bring Remus.  
  
"I was young, I just had turned seven," Remus began, his voice quiet but strong. "My parents took me to a carnival and I got separated. I wandered around for awhile before I found myself far from the main carnival and in front of a caravan."  
  
He could still see it vividly in his mind. The caravan was painted deep purple with "Madam Zarbo – Fortunes Told And Wonders Revealed" painted a grotesque yellow on it's side. Moons and stars were scattered over the chipping purple and he remembered wondering why this Madame Zarbo didn't just put a charm on the damn thing so it didn't chip.  
  
"I went inside and the room was dark. Someone from the back of the room told me to go ahead and take a seat. I sat down in one of the chairs and in a few moments she came out. Madame Zarbo herself." Remus's gaze slid over to James in time to see him nod. "I didn't find out until the first time I went over James's house that Madame Zarbo was none other than Mrs. Karen Potter. But I'm getting off topic."  
  
Remus sighed again and looked around the common room. It must have been very late, they were the only people left. They only person he could look at was James. He knew what it was like to go through torment, thought it wasn't the same. He still knew.  
  
"Madame Zarbo sat down and looked at me. As a little kid, I felt like I could keep looking into the cool blue of her eyes and never see anything. She just looked back at me and told me –"He would never forget what she said. Every word of it was permanently etched into his mind.  
  
"She said 'Beware of the forest. Hidden wonders dwell in this place, forever howling, and you will become one. The boy with hazel pools of laughter can help you, but no one can save you. Beware of the forest.' I was so frightened by her voice." _Hoarse and quiet._ "I just ran away. I ran as fast as I could from Madame Zarbo's caravan. I didn't notice the full moon rising as I ran heedlessly into the forest.  
  
"I realized soon that I was too deep in the forest to get out on my own. The darkness surrounded me and I sat down at the base of the tree." _Scared, shaking, sobbing._ "That's when I heard it. The howling." _The terrible piercing howl that ran shivers down the spine. The type of howl that chills a person to the very marrow.  
_  
Everyone else in the room ceased to exist to Remus as he recounted his tale. To him he was simply lost in the memories, in the terror of them.  
  
"I heard him coming, I saw him coming. But I was frozen, I couldn't do anything about it. I was so scared. The werewolf came towards me and –" Remus sighed and closed his eyes tight. This was always the most painful part of retelling this particular part in his life. "He walked around the tree that I was sitting at. He was stalking me, hunting me, seeing how good I'd taste. Finally he came at me and bit into my leg." Remus leaned down and rubbed the spot where he had been bitten when he was seven. There still was a scar, and he knew it would never go away. "My father came by then and hit the werewolf with a spell, but it was too late. I had already been infected."  
  
He finally looked at the group around him to see Cassandra's hand over her mouth and her eyes filled with tears. Remus had to look away from her, he knew that her eyes would be ripe with sympathy and he hated that. He didn't want pity from anyone he wanted friendship and acceptance. And for them not to run away in fright.  
  
"So now you know my story. Now, every full moon, I sneak out to the Shrieking Shack and become a monster. I become a werewolf."  
  
"Oh, Remus..." Cassandra started, but stopped when Remus stood up abruptly.  
  
"I think I'll go to bed. I'm feeling quite tired, actually," he said in a strained voice and headed up to the dormitory. Peter took this moment to sneak out of the common room while everyone's eyes were focused on Remus. He had a meeting he had to attend.

* * *

"I'm sorry, Master," Peter whimpered, but he knew it would not matter. The Dark Lord had no time to listen to people that didn't obey him with perfection.  
  
"My dear Wormtail," Voldemort hissed in his cold voice, "you know that apologies are useless to me. Now – tell me what you know."  
  
Peter sighed in relief and stood from the damp floor of the Forbidden Forest. This was the only place he could meet with his Master and not be seen. Thanks to Remus, the students heard the cries of werewolves and wouldn't go near it. Here he could speak with the Dark Lord and not have to worry about being overheard by his friends, the people he betrayed weekly. "Lily is in love with James Potter, Master. So much, that when he told her that they couldn't be together, she tried to kill herself," Peter said in his small voice. "She's still in a coma and it's not know when she'll wake up. Everyone is distraught, especially James and Remus Lupin."  
  
"Yes, Potter I understand. He fancies himself in love with the Mudblood," Voldemort sneered and looked up at the stars. "But Lupin...?"  
  
"Master, he's in love with Lily also. James and him fought over Lily earlier in the year." Peter looked down at the ground. He knew that the Dark Lord would use this information, as miniscule as it was, to somehow destroy James Potter and get Lily Evans for himself. He glanced up to see his Master smiling, a cruel twisted smile that made his face appear even more grotesque than usual.  
  
And he knew that he may as well have given him James on a platter.  
  
"I believe I know what to do now, Wormtail. Don't worry, my little servant, you will know in due time. Soon, Lily Evans will be mine." With a sharp laugh and a swish of his cloak Lord Voldemort, the essence of all things evil and the bearer of a sure death, disappeared into the awaiting night.  
  
Peter finally allowed himself to fall to the forest floor, his shoulders heaving in sobs. He felt like the scum of the earth. His best friends would pay for him being a spineless coward. How, he didn't know. But they would pay.

* * *

"I can't believe that, I feel so bad for him," Cassandra said to Sirius as they sat in the common room with James. It had only been ten minutes since Remus had went up to bed and this was the first thing she had said.  
  
"Don't. That's the last thing he wants," Sirius replied in a soft voice. James nodded in agreement. "He just wants people to like him for who he is and to not be afraid of him."  
  
"It's stupid to be afraid of Remus," Cassandra said, her mouth tilting up in a small smile. "He's the sweetest person I know. Him being a werewolf isn't going to change my opinion of him."  
  
"That's what we thought." James looked at her, his eyes showing a little shame. "But we weren't sure. We just wanted to make sure you had the whole story."  
  
"Does Sol know all of it?"  
  
Sirius looked down at his that were settled in his lap. "Well, apparently Remus found out that she started cheating on him not long after Christmas. She just couldn't take the idea that her boyfriend was a werewolf. Then she broke up with him when she met Scott."  
  
"Wait a minute, wait a minute..." Cassandra interrupted. "She wasn't cheating on Remus with Scott but someone else?!" James and Sirius both nodded at the same time. "What a bitch..." They nodded again. "Man, why'd you have to tell me that?!" She hit both Sirius and James upside the head.  
  
"Hey?! What in bloody hell was that for?!" Sirius exclaimed and rubbed his head.  
  
"For being a stupid git! Cos now I have to feel sorry for Remus because Sol is such a fucking bitch! Now every time I see him I'm going to get that stupid 'I-pity-you-so-I'm-gonna-give-you-my-sad-puppy-dog-eyes' look!" She jumped up and stomped out of the room up to the dormitories.  
  
"Uhh..." James said, unsure of what to do. "Well that was unexpected."  
  
"Damn," Sirius replied, still rubbing the back of his head, "and she was saying that Sol is a bitch. She should look in the mirror some time!"  
  
"Remember, Sirius. She's your girlfriend. And you're in love with her." Sirius grumbled that he was going to up to bed, too before he left James alone in the common room, smirking at his receding back.  
  
There was nothing like picking on his best mate Sirius to pick him up.

* * *

Woo hoo! Another chapter out! I know the ending's kinda awkward, but it was too short and then it just kept going on and on and on. Yeah... What did you guys think? Review please! I'm going to leave, not before giving a nice thanks to my reviewers, so I can watch "A Wrinkle In Time" on TV. Shibby! Much thanks to:  
  
**unperfection** – I'm really glad you like the angst and fluff! My one friend keeps making fun of me because she says it's wayyy too emotional.  
  
**zxudle** – Aww.. I love you too!  
  
Much love, Lorelei! 


	28. Waking

/Sorry it took so long for me to update.. my computer really really doesn't like me. Chances are, this was done wayyy before I even updated but I couldn't get online. Sorry!/  
  
Lily felt her eyes flutter and she blinked them open. The bright light burned her eyes, so she blinked once. Twice, three times until it finally her surroundings finally became clear. She turned her head to the side and winced at the movement. Slowly she took in her surroundings and realized she was in the Hospital Wing.  
  
For one silly moment she had thought that all the bright light meant that she was in heaven, or some form of the afterlife. No, just the Hospital Wing, which was rather unimpressive considering the many times she had been there before. The fact that she was here now meant that someone had found her and brought her here. That meant someone saved her.  
  
It was a pity, really. Why would someone want to keep her living? Why would someone want to see her walking and breathing?  
  
Not James. Definitely not James.  
  
Lily groaned when she realized where her thoughts were leading. This had to be a record. Not even five minutes after being awake, she was thinking about the last person she ever wanted to see again.  
  
Lily sighed and closed her eyes. She should probably call Madame Monte or something. But did she really want to talk to anyone? She'd be asked what happened and she'd have to tell them. She really didn't want to tell anyone what had happened. She heard a faint click of heels and Lily opened her eyes. She saw Madame Monte coming close, her mind on something else.  
  
"Hello," Lily said, her voice very weak, and startled the woman.  
  
"Lily! Oh, Lily, dear," Madame Monte said with relief ripe in her voice. "You're awake!"  
  
"Yes, it appears so." Lily hated the fact that her voice was barely a whisper and she could do nothing about it.  
  
"We've all been so worried, my dear," she said, flitting around her. "You've had so many visitors and gifts. Someone was always sitting by your side. James Potter was here a few minutes ago. I persuaded him to go to the Great Hall for a bite to eat."  
  
"James? James was here?" Lily couldn't help but sit up a little. Why would James care? He told her right out he didn't.  
  
"Oh, yes dear. Him and that Remus Lupin, dear child that he is, are in and out all the time, more in then out mostly." The woman handed Lily a piece of chocolate. "Here, dear, eat this. It'll help you a bit."  
  
Lily accepted the chocolate and sat up with the help of Madam Monte. As she took a bite of the candy she heard and door close and a tentative "Madame Monte?" in a familiar voice.  
  
Lily felt her face loose all of it's color as James entered the area where her bed was. "Madame, I –"James broke off suddenly, seeing Lily's eyes open and aware. "Lily!" he exclaimed as he rushed to Lily's bedside. "Oh, Lily, you're awake!"  
  
"Now, be gently with her, dear. Can't you see she's pale as a ghost?" Madame Monte admonished. "Now I'll leave you two alone. I'll be back, Lily must get her rest." Madame Monte walked away with her heels clicking behind her.  
  
"Lily, I was so worried. We all were," James was saying, not noticing that Lily wasn't talking. "Remus and I were almost always in here with you. I'm sorry that I wasn't here when you woke up. Madame Monte practically pushed me out of here to the Great Hall. Oh, Lily..." James smiled a real smile for the first time in days and reached out to touch Lily's hair.  
  
"Don't," Lily said and shrunk back reflexively. James's hand stopped in the air and he had a look of confusion on his face.  
  
"Lily...?" he said, making the one word a question ripe with uncertainty.  
  
"Why are you here, James?" Lily asked, looking into his eyes.  
  
"To look over you," James replied, spacing his words out carefully.  
  
"Leave, James. I don't know why you're here, since you're not telling me the truth, but please leave." Lily watched James's face crumble. She looked away from the face she loved so dearly.  
  
"I don't understand, Lily. Don't you want me here?" James couldn't believe what was going on. What was wrong with her?  
  
"That isn't the issue, James." Lily heard someone walking towards them and looked over James's shoulder. She felt a smile grow over her face. "Remus!"  
  
James looked at her in confusion and glanced behind him to see Remus running towards them, a huge grin on his face. James watched them as they embraced each other tightly. Why hadn't he gotten a greeting like that? After a few moments Remus pulled back and James saw tears on his face.  
  
"You're awake," Remus said softly with wonder and love, obviously forgetting that James was there. "I thought I'd lost you, Lily." He held her close again, relief flowing through him. The same thought ran through his head over and over. Lily was okay.  
  
James watched this scene and felt horribly out of place. Lily obviously cared more about Remus than him. He slipped out of the Hospital Wing quietly.  
  
"I'm okay, Remus, really," Lily said in a soothing tone. She could always depend on Remus to care. "But if you don't let go I'm going to suffocate." Suddenly she was jerked back and she looked at Remus in a surprise. Through the tears she saw anger.  
  
"Don't you EVER do something so stupid again, Lily Brenna Evans!" Remus said, raising his voice a little. Lily blinked at Remus's tone. She had only ever heard him yell once, and that was the time that he fought with James – another rare occurrence – over her. "That was perhaps the most IDIOTIC thing that you have EVER done, and you have pulled some pretty stupid shit. But this – this tops the damn cake." Lily felt her jaw drop as Remus continued to scold her. "Do you have ANY idea how much we were worried about you? Merlin, Lily..."  
  
Remus trailed off and suddenly his eyes welled up with tears. "I thought you were gone, Lils. We all did." Lily felt her own eyes brim with tears as Remus continued to speak. "Why would you do something like that? I thought that – that what happened last week meant something..." Remus's voice broke on the last word and he looked down, away from Lily's soul-piercing gaze.  
  
Lily looked at him for a moment before she realized what he said. Last week. A whole week had passed while she slept. She lightly laid a hand on Remus's cheek, waiting for him to look up. When he didn't he didn't look up at her she said his name softly.  
  
Slowly Remus raised his eyes up to Lily's to see her eyes, bright and green, shimmering with tears. "Lily?"  
  
"I'm sorry, Remus. I know that doesn't make up for what I did, or how much it hurt you, but I'm truly sorry." Lily leaned towards him and gently pressed her lips to his forehead. She kept them there for a moment before she drew away and looked at Remus with her sad, bottle green eyes. "Don't think it was your fault, because it wasn't."  
  
Remus looked at Lily with a question in his eyes. "Then why did you?" He immediately regretted the question. Remus could see Lily's eyes lock and freeze, intending to keep him out. "Lily, don't do this to me. I'll understand in you don't want to tell me, but don't freeze up on me."  
  
Lily closed her eyes, blocking her heart against the pleading in his voice. "Sorry. I hadn't realized I'd don't that. And what happened had nothing to do with you, so it's really none of your business."  
  
"I'm not going to stay if you're just going to lie to me." Lily heard his voice become suddenly cold. She opened her eyes to see pain flicker behind the mask he threw up. "After all we've been through I'd hope you'd at least respect me enough to tell me the truth."  
  
Remus began to stand but stopped when Lily quickly grasped his hand. Without really noticing it, Remus laced his fingers with hers. "Remus, how could you say something like that? You know I love you."  
  
The pain of her words slashed through him like a dull blade guided by a strong hand. "Yes, but that doesn't mean you respect me. I'd do anything for you, Lily. And I've come to realize over the past week that it's not me you'd do anything for, but James." Remus looked sadly at their joined hands, barely spending a moment at wondering how his fingers became so perfectly entwined with hers, and let go. "I wish with all my heart that we could be together, but I know that no matter what you told yourself, you'd always be in love with James."  
  
Remus turned around and closed his eyes tightly. He never would have imagined how much that hurt. "Get better soon, Lils. We all need you around," he said and walked away. He didn't turn around when Lily shakily called his name. He just kept walking until the door of the Hospital Wing was closed behind him.  
  
He leaned weakly against the door and clenched his jaw. He had been prepared for it, but it still hurt. By Merlin, it hurt.  
  
James was sitting by the fire staring into the flames with Remus came back. He quietly sat next to him, knowing that James resented him. And knowing that he resented James.  
  
"Did you tell Cassandra and Sirius?" Remus asked, his voice light and casual.  
  
"Yes. Cass is looking for Sol and Sirius is looking for Peter." James forced his voice to be calm and unshaky, keeping his voice and words to a minimum. He knew if he said anymore he would reveal everything he was feeling.  
  
"James..." Remus pleaded, his voice soft. "I can't be with her. It wouldn't work out." He sighed and stared into the same flames that James was contemplating. "I thought – I'd hoped – that it would if we lied to ourselves long enough." Remus looked at James and saw his hazel eyes – funny, he never realized before that James had hazel eyes – filled with amazement, confusion, and hope. "I know you still don't trust me, but I trust you. And I'm trusting you to take care of Lily. She needs you."  
  
Remus stood up with a sigh. "I'm going up to my dorm. Not only was this a tiring day, but it's almost that time of the month." He smirked a little and was pleased when he saw James smirk in return. "Good night, James." He began to walk away but stopped when James called his name.  
  
"Thank you, Mooney," James said softly, looking at his friend's back. "I know that this hurts you. Thank you."  
  
"Goodnight, James."  
  
"Goodnight, Remus." James watched his friend walk up the stairs then sat back in his chair. He looked back into the flames and suddenly realized how much Lily meant to Remus, and just how much he had given up for James. Lily was everything to Remus. Lily probably meant more to Remus than she did to James. And he gave all that up...  
  
Remus was more of a friend to James then he had ever thought.  
  
Yeah, sorry that sucked so much. I really couldn't think of how to end it blah blah blah. This isn't going to last too much longer. At most five more chapters, but I highly doubt it'll last that long. If any of you guys every read my other story (the one that's not titled) I haven't updated it because I figured I'd finish this one. So.. yeah.. I'll finish this one before my other one. I'll try to get my other story up soon. 


	29. Visits While Sleeping

Disclaimer: Don't own it, so don't sue me!  
  
Author's Note: Hmm.. this time I don't have an excuse for the delay in updating. What can I say? I can get some really bad cases of Writer's Block. I can't blame it all on that, though. I have to be honest. I'm guilty of running about five stories at once, though not all of them are up on the sight. I figure that would be a tad bit too much pressure. So.. without further ado.. THE CHAPTER!!  
  
......................................................................................................................................................  
  
Madame Monte made Lily stay in the Hospital Wing for the next five days to make sure she was fully recovered. She claimed that people who had been in comas needed the most rest than any other sick person, and was reluctant to allow any visitors in to see the girl. However, Lily managed to convince the Madame that she would find the most rest with friendly faces surrounding her. Cassandra and Sirius were by her side most of the time and blocked Lily from the truth as to why her other friends weren't visiting her. Each time they came, they had a new excuse as to why Sol, Peter, Remus, or James couldn't be there to see Lily in her recovery.  
  
In reality, things weren't so innocent and the couple was beginning to get fed up with the other four and making up excuses for them. Sol was too busy with her new boyfriend, a Hufflepuff this time. Peter was becoming increasingly anxious and disappeared for long periods of time with no more of an explanation than "he needed fresh air". Remus didn't want to see Lily, in fear that his heart would break more than it already had and that she might try to convince him that they could be together. He couldn't put himself through that again. James knew that Lily hated him and never wanted to see him again, despite what Remus told him. He wouldn't be able to see her look on him with hate in her eyes.  
  
But he visited her while she slept and was always careful to leave before her eyes fluttered open.  
  
At the moment, it was one of those rare times when Lily was alone, and couldn't fall asleep. Usually, the minute one of her friends left, she found herself exhausted and dropped off into a sleep laced with unsettling dreams. Sirius and Cass had just left from a visit to go to dinner, but she couldn't get to sleep. So instead she picked up a book that Cass had brought her called "The Electric Kool-Aid Acid Test". She had meant to read it before, but never had the chance.  
  
She was just about to start when she heard to door open. She quickly dropped the book and pretended she was asleep, thinking that it must be Madame Monte, checking up on her. Lily waited for the sound of the door closing, but instead she heard footsteps approaching her bed, and it wasn't the click of the Madame's heels. She heard the person sit in the chair next to her bed and let out a breath. Lily had to stop herself from jolting when she felt a light touch on her forehead. A hand brushing back her hair.  
  
"God, Lils, I'm so sorry," the person said on a sigh after a few minutes, his voice laced with tears. "I never meant to hurt you so much, baby. I just wasn't thinking. I don't know what I'll do without you. I need you to survive. I love you so much, Lily."  
  
Lily thought she recognized the voice but she couldn't believe it. She opened her eyes a sliver and saw him with tears running down his face.  
  
James.  
  
It was James.  
  
James spilling his heart out to her, thinking she was asleep.  
  
She closed her eyes again as she saw James's hand reach out. She felt him lightly take her hand and lace his fingers around his. Lily forced herself not to curve her fingers around his, not to give in to the urge to open her eyes and say the words that were aching to escape from her heart.  
  
Lily heard him take in a shaky breath. Her hand was lifted and she felt it pressed to James's lips. Merlin, she didn't know if she could take this. Did James do this everyday while she was sleeping? Did he whisper the words of his heart to her while she dreamt of him? Should she open her eyes and tell him that she loved him too, that she couldn't live without him, that he was all she ever wanted?  
  
Whatever she did, she couldn't let it go on like this.  
  
She let her eyes flutter open and she murmured James's name. When Lily opened her eyes fully and looked at James. He still held her hand but was looking at her with wide eyes. "James?" Lily said as she sat up. James quickly let go of her hand and folded his in his lap. "What are you doing here?"  
  
"I... um... I just wanted to see you, Lily," James said, fumbling for an excuse. "I haven't seen you since the day you woke up."  
  
"I know," she said, sounding sad. "I've been waiting for you to come around. I wanted to say sorry for how I acted. You just wanted to see me, and I acted like a total bitch."  
  
James blinked and nodded, finding himself speechless. Lily? Apologizing? What the hell was this? "I... um... I thought you hated me. I was visiting you while you were sleeping."  
  
Now was the time to tell him. Tell him what she had heard. "I know. Well, I kinda figured it out just now. I mean... I wasn't sleeping." Lily cringed, not believing how much she had really stumbled over those words. What happened to simple sentences?  
  
James's face paled noticeably. "Then... you heard what I was saying? About.. well, you know." Lily nodded. "Oh, then I guess I'll go. I'm sorry I bothered you."  
  
Without giving Lily a chance to say anything, James hurried out of the Hospital Wing. "What was that all about," Lily wondered to herself. Too unsettled to try to get to sleep, she picked up the book Cass had brought her and started to read.  
  
.......................................................................................................................................  
  
Dear Diary,  
  
Hmm... It feels more that a little odd to be writing in a diary when I'm seventeen. I just need somewhere I can think. My boyfriend is totally useless as an outlet to my emotions – besides horniness – since he usually can't tell when a person's sad. Even if he does, he insists that they're just sick. I can't figure out if he's just stupid or if it's his way of distancing himself from people. Anyway, I think there's something wrong with my friend Lily. Well, I know there's something wrong with Lily. Exactly what, I don't know. She's tried to kill herself twice this year, that we know of. All because of James. Stupid stupid James. I would LOVE to kill that boy. Lily loves him, for reasons unknown, so he'll have to stay alive. Unless, of course, he decides to be more of a prat than he is now. I find that highly likely considering past events. The major problem with Lily is that she doesn't open up enough. She never told James about Voldemort. He talked to her – in Hogwarts, for Merlin's sake – and she never said a word to her bloody birdbrain boyfriend. Damn my stubborn friends. As far as I know, the only people that have heard of this incident are Dumbledore and myself. Today she's coming back from the Hospital Wing, Madame Nazi kept her there for five days, and I'm sure she's restless. Last time I visited her, she seemed more quiet than usual. I noticed that James stopped going while Lily was asleep. That's something to ponder on a bit. I've got to get myself some new, sane, normal friends. Not like I'll ever find them in a place like Hogwarts.  
  
Cassandra  
  
Cassandra finished her diary entry with a flourish and nibbled on the end of her Sugar Quill. Lily would be in the common room any minute, renewed, refreshed, and prepared the face the day. On the outside. The red head could never hide anything from her best friend, and Cassandra knew that something was going on in that pretty head of hers. And by the way James was acting, that something was about him.  
  
Bloody birdbrain.  
  
She sighed as she stood up and made her way down to the common room. When Cassandra got there she couldn't help but grin at the sight that presented her. And because it was a rare one, she had to tease him about it.  
  
"What's this?" she asked as she sat on the couch next to her boyfriend. "Sirius Black studying? It must be the apocalypse." Sirius took out a moment of his studying time to glare at his amused girlfriend.  
  
"It's Charms. Exams are coming up soon and I'm terrible at that subject," Sirius said with a sigh. He scribbled one last word on the piece of parchment, threw down his quill and leaned back on the couch. "I hate studying. Can you believe that we're taking our N.E.W.T.S. in one week? We'll be out of school in two."  
  
Cassandra stretched her legs out over his and laughed a little. "Scared?"  
  
"No," he replied automatically. "Well, just a little. Jesus, I wish I had Lily's skills in Charms."  
  
"Did I hear my name?" Cassandra and Sirius looked up at the same time to see Lily Evans standing in front of the fireplace, hands on her hips, a cocky smile on her lips.  
  
Cassandra squealed and jumped off of the couch and launched herself into Lily's arms. "Look at you! You're standing!"  
  
"I know, I feel like I've never used my legs before," Lily replied with a laugh. She saw Sirius stand out of the corner of her eye and look at them with a smile on his face. "Come on, you.. Group hug!" Sirius laughed and wrapped his arms around both Cassandra and Lily. They laughed together and slowly let go to sit on the couch with Lily in the middle.  
  
"I'm glad you're back, Lils. I mean, I just saw you yesterday, but I had to watch out for Hitler so she wouldn't yell at me," Sirius said as he threw and arm around her shoulders. "Now we have the freedom of the Gryffindor common room!"  
  
Lily laughed and looked around the room. As she looked in the direction of the fireplace she couldn't help but blush. "Guys, was that really necessary?" The couple looked in the direction she was pointing and laughed.  
  
Over the fireplace was a huge sign that read, "Welcome Back, Lils!" in bold letters. On either side of the statement were beds and Z's, as if someone was sleeping there. "Of course, Lily my dear. We needed to announce your arrival to all the Gryffindors." Cassandra said with a laugh as Lily blushed more.  
  
"Speaking of Gryffindors," Lily said, her blush receding a little, "where's the rest of the group.?"  
  
Sirius and Cassandra glanced at each other and nodded. This time they would tell the truth. "Well, we have no idea, but we can guess," Sirius said casually. "Remus is in the Library, he's been acting weird lately. He doesn't see you anymore and whenever we mention your name he kind of mumbles to himself and walks away."  
  
"Sol is making out with her new boyfriend in a discreet corner of Hogwarts. I think she's going out with a Ravenclaw by the name of Mundungus Fletcher," Cassandra picked up. "Odd name, that is."  
  
"Peter is somewhere being mysterious and nervous and biting off all his fingernails, or scurrying around like the rat he is."  
  
"And James..." Cassandra sighed and looked over at Sirius. "James is sulking by the lake because of some mishap or another that he refuses to talk to anyone about besides saying that he's ruined his life."  
  
"And that's everyone," Sirius finished. Lily looked back and forth between the two of them and then stared at the fire. They sat in silence with only the sound of the crackling fire for a few more minutes before anyone spoke up.  
  
"James really said that?" Lily asked hesitantly. She wasn't sure how to feel about James yet, he was confusing her.  
  
"Yeah, over and over and over and over and over and – well, I'm sure you get the point," Cassandra said, rolling her eyes. "Did something happen between you guys?"  
  
Lily paled, shook her head a little. After a few more moments of staring broodily at the fire, she jumped up, startling Sirius and Cassandra. She mumbled something about going to the Library before she dashed through the portrait.  
  
"What the hell is up with her?" Sirius stared at the spot where Lily had been sitting. His arm that had been slung over her shoulders fell to the cushion.  
  
"Like I'm supposed to know? She's loony."  
  
"Hey, she's your friend, my love," he said with a smirk. "You know what they say.. Birds of a feather..." As Cassandra glared at him with her arms crossed, he knew he was in for a major ass kicking, followed by a major make out session. He was quite happy with the idea.  
  
............................................................................................................................................................  
  
Author's Note: ::hides behind the couch, dodging flying rotten tomatoes:: Yeah, I know. For the long wait, it wasn't worth it. At all. And the ending sucked. Sorry! I promise, the next chapter WILL be longer, and it WILL be better. I don't know what it's going to get put up, but I WILL work on it ASAP. Just.. don't give me too many death threats in the process. To my reviewers:  
  
James'Gurl215 – I think it's fate that I got your review right before I was about to update. Nice timing there, chica. This way, you don't have to worry about not being patient. Lily will give someone a chance, soon. I just plan on it to be sad and not fun. And in the next few chapters or so. ::evil laugh::  
  
Xo DaNiElLe 03 oX – Thanks for the review, and sorry that I haven't had the chance to read your stories yet. I will though! I promise!  
  
LilsProngs4eva – ::bandages her hands:: Yeah, that probably would have been a smart thing for old Voldie to do. But my story is just a TAD bit AU, so he kinda wants Lily for.. umm.. "other purposes", if you catch my drift. I know, I know, sick. And he wanted to show James that he was this almighty god person and he could do whatever he wanted, as long as he held the threat of hurting Lily against him. He wants James to suffer for touching Lily. So.. yeah.. That's my reasoning.  
  
joelilmea – You'll figure it all out soon enough. I'm not sure exactly when it's going to happen yet. Whenever I go to write whatever it was I planned, it ends up being bumped back to the next chapter. But it will be soon..  
  
Emma3 – James is a prick. End of story. He's too stupid to look deep enough to see what REALLY is going on, and takes everything for face value. Personally, I would have loved Lily to end up with Remus cuz he's my favorite character, but that would be inaccurate. Too bad. JK should have written something like "Yeah, Lily was going to leave James because he's a total prick for his best mate, Remus Lupin." Because that would make me so amazingly happy.  
  
Annmarie – Wow. That was probably one of the coolest reviews I have ever received. I've never seen anyone so enthusiastic. It's the best compliment an author can get. Sorry I haven't emailed you back, I'll probably do that right after I update this blasted thing, so I'll blab to you there. See ya then!  
  
californiagurl – Aww.. Thanks for the computer sympathy. My there is that it's a homosexual male and doesn't like women, therefore – it doesn't like me. Hey, so you're from CA? Where? I used to live in Santa Cruz, does it ring a bell?  
  
Thanks to: little-angel123452000, AtwistedAngel13, luv-tree, and Luna Moonglade 


	30. His Queen

Disclaimer: I'm sixteen. I never would have thought of this story on my own. Get it?  
  
Author's Note: Woooo!!! I think I got this one out in record time. That's what happens when you actually sit down and tries to get things done. Warning, this is a pretty long chapter. I kept trying to end it, but it always seemed too short, so I just kept writing. Any who.. here we go! Have fun!  
  
............................................................................................................................................................  
  
Remus searched through the large pile of books at the table he had to himself. The Library was almost empty, only a few scattered people ruffled lazily through the books on their tables. He spied one group of first years studying together in a corner, whispering to each other and struggling back laughs. The three boys reminded him of him, James, and Sirius, and he smiled for the first time in days.  
  
Lily was coming back today.  
  
Remus shook his head violently. He promised himself that he would stop thinking about Lily and get over the witch. So far, he managed to push her out of his mind most of the time, but she always seemed to sneak up on him when he wasn't expecting it. Frankly, he was getting tired of it.  
  
He sighed and leaned back in his chair, for once not stopping his thoughts of the gorgeous redhead. Merlin's beard, he missed her. Even though he knew it was for the best, he regretted the day when he told Lily that they didn't have a chance. Sure, she would be thinking of James for a while, but she could get over him in time. It wasn't like James was a god or anything, and Remus was a good guy. Why couldn't it work out?  
  
Because he would constantly be wondering if she really was over James, that's why.  
  
Merlin, he just wished that Lily could love him, totally and completely. Was that too much to ask for? Didn't he deserve something good to happen in his life?  
  
"Remus?" He tensed as he heard the hesitant voice behind him. Of course, he should have expected her to creep up on him when he was least expecting it. It had been happening for days.  
  
Remus slowly turned around and looked at Lily. She was still pale, most of the color drained from her face. He noticed that her hands were clasped in front of her, a sign she was tense. "Welcome back, Lily," he said, forcing a smile on his face. "Why don't you sit down? You looked a little peaked."  
  
Lily nodded and sat down next to Remus after he took the stack of books off of it. "How've you been, Remus?" she asked politely, finding her voice weak. What was wrong with her? It's just Remus Lupin, for Merlin's sake.  
  
"Okay. I've been studying a lot, for N.E.W.T.s, you know." Remus couldn't let himself look at her, so he stared at the table. He was afraid that if he looked into those eyes that he loved so deeply, he wouldn't be able to look away and he'd be trapped forever. Why was she here? "Are you feeling better?"  
  
"Yeah, I just got out this morning." This felt so lame! Why were they tiptoeing around each other like people who had never met before? They'd known each other for years! Lily made sure she kept her eyes on him, so she wouldn't miss it if he looked up. They sat together for a few moments in uncomfortable silence. "I – I've missed you, Remus. Why did you stop visiting me?" Despite trying to sound casual, she couldn't keep the hurt and tears out of her voice.  
  
Oh god. Why did she have to ask? Remus closed his eyes tightly. "I've missed you too, Lily." Why the hell did she have to ask? "It just – I just can't –"Remus sighed in frustration, unable to find the right words to say. He balled his hands into fists on the table. He slowly relaxed himself and flattened his palms on an old book with a leather cover. "It just hurts, Lily," he finished lamely.  
  
Lily studied him for a few moments before she took his hand in hers. She laced her fingers around his and brushed his hair from his brow. He jerked his head up at her touch and finally looked at her.  
  
Merlin, she was beautiful.  
  
The mouth that he loved to kiss was tilted upwards at the corners, a warm smile beginning to form. Color had returned to her face, and Remus hoped that seeing him had done this. Lily's goddess green eyes were glistening with tears and they seemed to glow in the light of the room.  
  
"I'm sorry that I hurt you. It's the last thing that I ever meant to do," she said softly. "And I hope that what I'm going to say next won't hurt you."  
  
Remus shook his head, knowing what she wanted to say. Yes, it would hurt. "Please don't, Lily," he replied, his voice husky and strained from holding back tears that he wouldn't let escape. He turned his head and closed his eyes, trying to prepare himself for what he knew was to come.  
  
"I love you."  
  
Yes, it hurt, just like he knew it would. Why did she have to say those three words? He wished she didn't utter that phrase, that he didn't have to hear it, that he could have found some way to stop her. But she did, he did, he couldn't.  
  
"You don't love me, Lily." His breath let out shakily after he said what had been on his mind for months now. Remus knew he was going to cry. He wished he wasn't so sentimental, that he could get through this without tears, that it didn't have to hurt with such precise pain. But he was, he couldn't, it did. "I doubt that you ever really loved me. You just didn't want to love James anymore, and you still don't."  
  
Remus clenched his jaw tightly, trying to hold back the tears as long as possible. He figured that if Lily didn't cry, didn't talk, didn't insist that she loved him, didn't beg him to take her back, that he might be able to get through the ordeal.  
  
But Fate never seemed to follow along with his plans.  
  
Remus heard her let out a sob. She cried. "You don't really believe that, Remus." She talked. "I do love you, I love you with all my heart." She insisted. "Please, Remus. Please believe me. I want to be with you. Say you'll take me back, please." She begged.  
  
He sobbed.  
  
"I can't do this, Lily. I can't do this to myself. I can't let you do this to yourself. And I can't do this to James," Remus managed to say through his tears. He felt Lily tighten her grip on his hand. She was jerking with her struggle to hold back her tears and she knocked the table. A book crashed onto the floor, and Remus suddenly realized where they were. "Lily, I know we have more things to sort out. Let's go outside, where it's more private."  
  
Lily nodded, afraid of what might happen if she dared to speak, and they headed out of the Library hand in hand.  
  
....................................................................................................................................  
  
James sat by the lake, skipping rocks on the surface of the water and watching the ripples as he had been for the past few hours. Since he woke up.  
  
He was running out of rocks.  
  
Lily was coming back today, but he didn't know if he could face her. Merlin, she knew that he loved her and he was afraid of what she felt. Sure, Remus told him that she still loved him, but that didn't mean anything. Sure, Remus was pretty good and reading people's emotions, but that didn't mean anything.  
  
James just supposed that Remus was wrong, that Lily would never in her right mind come back to him. He would just have to face the facts. Lily Brenna Evans would never become "Lily Brenna Potter". He found it much more likely that she would become "Lily Brenna Lupin".  
  
Lily Potter.  
  
Lily Lupin.  
  
Lily Potter.  
  
Lily Lupin.  
  
Bloody hell.  
  
James buried his head in his hands and resisted the urge to pull his hair out. He had barely slept since he talked to Lily that day in the Hospital Wing. He knew he was starting to worry his friends and that he looked unusually pale. Late at night, he found himself lying on his bed, staring up at the ceiling with millions of thoughts running through his head. All of them of her.  
  
How peaceful she looked while she was sleeping. How flushed she got when she was angry. How her eyes glowed with warmth when she saw him. How her laughter always brightened up the room. How she smiled when she saw Remus that day she woke up.  
  
Lily Lupin.  
  
Angrily, James picked up another rock and skillfully skipped it across the water five times. Dimly, he heard voices and glanced up to see two people making their way towards the lake, their heads down, their hands linked. He was about to get up and move away when he saw the girl's hair flowing wildly in the wind.  
  
The girl's red hair.  
  
Lily's red hair.  
  
The only guy that Lily would be seen walking with, holding hands with, was Remus. Remus Lupin.  
  
Lily Lupin.  
  
James only had a second to decide what to do before they would see him. If he stood up, they would see the movement and look towards him. He didn't want to see Lily with Remus, especially not after what he had told her the other day. However, if he stayed where he was, they would eventually reach where he was sitting, and they would talk to him.  
  
Well, Remus would. As for Lily... Well, James had no idea what Lily would do.  
  
Before he had to force himself to make a decision, he saw something that was so unexpected, and so crushing, that he couldn't stop the tears. It made him loose all hope for him and Lily.  
  
Lily shook her hair out of her face and pulled it back into a hair band to stop the wind from whipping it around. Then she did the unthinkable. She kissed him.  
  
She kissed Remus.  
  
Lily kissed Remus.  
  
James watched in horror as they stood entwined in each other's arms for more than a minute before breaking apart and start to head back to the castle. He felt his heart break in pieces as the full reality of what he saw sunk in. Lily really was over him, Lily really didn't want to be with him anymore, he didn't mean anything to her. She probably had never been in love with him in the first place. He had just been rebound from having her heart broken by Remus. Lily loved Remus.  
  
Tears flowed freely down his cheeks as James hugged his knees to his chest and buried his head in them. One thought kept running through his head.  
  
Lily Lupin.  
  
....................................................................................................................................  
  
"What do you think Lily's up to?" Cassandra asked Sirius as they sat in the Gryffindor common room. Sirius was sitting in one corner of the couch and Cassandra was sitting in the other with her legs propped up on his knees.  
  
"She said she was heading to the Library, so I figure she's trying to find Remus," Sirius replied. He really wished Lily would just leave his friends alone. He was tired of seeing them mope around with broken hearts.  
  
"Why? There doesn't really seem to be a point to it." Sometimes she really worried about what was going on in her friend's head. Cassandra felt that she should just find a nice rebound guy, like Cortland Wood, and leave the Marauders the fuck alone.  
  
"Lily probably thinks that she can persuade Remus into taking her back and get over James by trying to fall in love with Remus. Even though she says she's over James, she isn't. She just doesn't want to be in love with him anymore," Sirius evaluated expertly. "Remus knows this, but he's head over heels for Lily and she will be able to persuade him that they can make it happen if he lets her. I just hope they don't run into James anywhere."  
  
Cassandra studied her boyfriend for a few moments, amazed at his perception in the situation. "When the hell did you grow up?" she said with a smirk.  
  
Sirius smirked back and leaned forward to pull her hair a little. "About the same time that I fell in love with you."  
  
"Aww.. how sweet," she said, fluttering her eyelashes and laughing a little.  
  
He just grinned and kissed her softly on the lips. "What are you're plans after Hogwarts?"  
  
She blinked a little, surprised at the question, and thought about it for a moment. "Well, I'm hoping to be able to work for St. Mungo's. You know that. So I guess I'll see if I get into the program and take it from there."  
  
"Is that all you have planned?"  
  
"Yeah, why?"  
  
"Well," Sirius leaned back into the couch, "what about us? I'm shooting for an Auror, and I don't think I'll have any problems with that. Especially since Voldemort has come to power, they need more people. But it's a three year program. What will happen to us?"  
  
Cassandra couldn't help but frown. Sure, she had thought about the future between them. She knew what she wanted, but she didn't know what Sirius wanted. He said that he loved her, and she believed him, but she was till sure that one day he would tell her he was bored and leave.  
  
"I don't know. What do you want to happen to us?"  
  
It was just the opening that he needed. Sirius smiled at her and kisses her cheek softly. "Will you marry me?" he whispered softly into her ear. He drew back far enough to see the astonished look on her face, quickly covered by a smirk.  
  
"Where's the ring? Aren't you supposed to get down on one knee?" she demanded. "Come on, be romantic, Sirius." With a grin, he slid off the couch and pulled a box out of the pocket in his robes as he got down on one knee.  
  
Sirius opened the box and held it out to her. "Cassandra Weeks, will you marry me?"  
  
She started to smirk, until she saw the ring. "Oh my god, Sirius, it's amazing! I didn't think you paid any attention to my ramblings!" Inside the box was a simple square cut amethyst set on a silver band with small diamonds on each side. She went to pluck it out of the box, but Sirius snatched it out of her reach.  
  
"You didn't give me an answer, young lady.." he said, grinning widely.  
  
"Oh, you great baboon, of course I'll marry you!" she said, almost squealing and knocked him over as she launched herself at him and kissed him multiple times. "I love you, I love you, I love you!" Sirius just grinned up at her and slid the ring onto her finger.  
  
"Let's find the gang and tell them," he said wisely. Cassandra jumped up and helped Sirius up. They climbed through the portrait hole hand in hand. "I think we should tell James first, he needs the most cheering up." Cassandra just grinned at him.  
  
....................................................................................................................................  
  
From the shadows of the Forbidden Forest, a man with red eyes watched they redhead with eager eyes. He watched her cross over the grounds with their hands clasped together. He saw the kiss, and his eyes flashed with anger. The boy would pay for touching his flower, and he would pay dearly.  
  
And he could pay now.  
  
Voldemort quietly made his way to the edge of the forest, so he could see them and to the couple, he would be a mere shadow. He expertly aimed his wand at the boy and yelled. "Crucio!" The spell hit the boy and he fell to the ground, screaming and writhing in pain. He could see that Lily didn't know what to do; she hadn't seen where the spell had come from.  
  
Suddenly, the boy – from Wormtail's reports, this was Remus – stopped writhing as Voldemort cut off the curse. He saw a movement out of the corner of his eye and someone stood up from the edge of the lake. He knew that mop of messy hair anywhere.  
  
James Potter. It was his time to pay, now. The Dark Lord aimed his wand again and yelled the incantation for the Cruciatus Curse. This time, James was the one to writhe and scream as Voldemort let the curse run much longer than it had on the other boy.  
  
Lily and Remus rushed to the spot where James was twisting in pain. Just as they reached him, Voldemort stopped the curse. Hopefully, he had caused lasting damage.  
  
It was amazing how easy the Dark Lord found it to hurt these people, and how confused they became because of it. Really, he had thought that Lily was smarter. He had observed her since she was a child and had seen all that he wanted in her. She would be his queen.  
  
Voldemort watched as another couple ran to the edge of the lake to meet up with the other three. The smiles he caught on their faces quickly disappeared as Lily informed them of what happened. He couldn't tell what was being said, but he saw the couple's faces fall. This was probably Sirius and Cassandra.  
  
With a smirk, he twirled his wand in his long fingers and fought with the urge to kill. He wanted Remus and James to suffer, so they wouldn't be able to die for a bit, and he couldn't hurt his dear Lily. But the other two... He needed someone to murder before he killed one of the other boys before their time.  
  
The question was – did he want to kill a girl, or a boy today?  
  
Voldemort's eyes glinted in a patch of sunlight, and he was saved the need to choose when the girl looked right at him. And screamed.  
  
He boldly walked out of his protection of the forest and aimed his wand. "Avada Kedavra!" With the tell tale flash of green light, Cassandra fell to the ground. There were a few moments of chilling silence while Voldemort waited for them to react.  
  
The boy with the long black hair – Sirius – screamed and pointed his wand at the Dark Lord. "You'll pay for that, monster!" Whatever Sirius planned to do was lost as Voldemort, with a slashing movement and a flash of violet light, cut across Sirius's chest with his spell. He fell to the ground screaming and holding his wound.  
  
Lily rushed to his side, eager to help stop his pain, and gave Voldemort his window of opportunity. "Wingardium Leviosa!" With an expert swish-and- flick, Remus and James were suspended high in the air over the lake. "How's it hanging, boys?" he asked in his cold voice, letting it run over them. "I'm in control. One of your friends dead, another injured, you two helpless. I will have Lily."  
  
"NO!" both Remus and James screamed at the same time. Voldemort just laughed. Lily ran towards him and started punching him in every available space, wand and magic forgotten. Voldemort shoved her back with a swipe of his hand.  
  
"I don't want to hurt you, my dear, but if I have to I will." Voldemort spun around as he heard a voice behind him. What he saw scared him more than anything, though he would not admit it.  
  
Dumbledore.  
  
He sneered and let the boys fall, right into the frigid lake. With a swish of his cloak, he was gone.  
  
But not before he whispered in Lily's ear, "One day, my precious flower, you will be mine. Do not doubt it."  
  
Lily realized that day would be imprinted in her mind forever as she tried to stop the bleeding on Sirius's wound and she watched Dumbledore help Remus and James out of the water. She would never forget what Voldemort told her, or the terror it instilled in her heart. Tears fell onto Sirius's chest as she glanced over at her best friend, dead.  
  
Most importantly, she would never forget that day as the day that Cassandra was ripped from her life.  
  
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Author's Note: Well, what did you guys think? Personally, I didn't like how I ended the chapter. It sounds too much like the end of the story. How about that relationship cliffhanger? ::evil laugh:: It's so much fun... Just don't get too mad at me about Cassandra! I knew all along that I was going to have her get killed, I just didn't mean for it to be so impersonal. In the next chapter, I'm going to write more about.. Well, you'll see. Shout out time!  
  
lilylives07 - ::blushes:: Aww... I feel so special. It's my duty to make people cry in my stories. So if you think the earlier chapters were bad, how about this one? Wait till you see the next couple... Keep the tissues handy!  
  
James'Gurl1215 – I just love reading your reviews. I always feel so special! Flattery will get you everywhere. If you're pissed off about Lily being in denial, how mad are you now? ::evil laugh:: Don't worry about the exclamation points, I think they're quite pretty. Skippy!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ::giggle::  
  
californiagurl – Hmm... word to describe James... Moody? Stupid? Melancholy? Idiotic? Unpredictable? Did I mention stupid? How about we just bypass picking one, and say he's just all of the ones we don't like right now. I think that works quite well. Anaheim, hmmm? Do you like No Doubt? They're from Anaheim... They're my favorite band. I don't know exactly where Santa Cruz is, I think it's kinda near San Francisco. I'm as confused as you on the whole "Santa" thing. I'll stick to New Jersey, thank you very much.  
  
Brighton Baby – Hmm.. tad bit critical, don't ya think? Yeah, I always type too fast and if it's a word, Microsoft Word doesn't care and doesn't pick it up. I'm too lazy to go through the whole story and pick out every mistake that the comp doesn't get, because I never notice it. The confusion in the beginning about which PoV it was in was because it started out as first person, but I wanted to include everyone, so I decided third person would be better. One of these days I'm going to have to go back and fix all the mistakes that you pointed out for me. Thanks, buddy.  
  
Special thanks to: ZombieGurl98, AnG3L1c diVa-chan, shortiibabi, Xo DaNiElLe 03 oX 


	31. Never Again

Disclaimer: I suck. JK doesn't. With that information, and that information only, try to figure out who the creator of Harry Potter is. I'll give you a cookie..

Author's Note: I'm really sorry about this uber long delay on the chapter, and believe me, it's not worth it. If you don't want to read it, I don't blaim you. Rawr. I'm pissed at myself for delaying this for so long. I pretty much lost the flow of the story. So, if it doesn't end this chapter, it's going to end next chapter. ((sighs of "thank god!" are heard throughout )) Enough of my babbling. On with the story!

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Lily still couldn't believe it.

It all had to be a dream, this could not be happening to her. Any moment know she was going to wake up from this terrible nightmare and go down to breakfast and see her best friend greeting her with a cheery smile and a wave.

She would not allow this to be her reality.

"Come on, Lily, we can go see the boys now," a voice next to her said. Lily felt herself being guided out of the common and into the hallway. Dimly she was aware of the people staring at her and Dumbledore leading her and Sol towards the Hospital Wing.

Sol kept looking back at her, but Lily couldn't even find it in her to give her a sign that she was okay. They finally reached the Hospital Wing and she looked up at Dumbledore.

"Professor, is Cass in the Hospital Wing?" Lily her herself say, without actually being aware that she said it. Both the Headmaster and her friend stopped in their tracks. Lily, realizing they weren't walking anymore, looked at they both with a quizzical expression. Her face paled as she realized what she had said. "Oh god, I don't know why I said that. I suppose I'm just used to her being here and I thought that since she wasn't with us, she had to be in the Hospital Wing because there's just no way that she could be gone," Lily babbled and started breathing heavier. "Only she really is gone, so that was a really bad thing for me to say... I'm freaking out, right?"

"It's all right, Ms. Evans," Dumbledore said in a soft, comforting voice, "you're entitled."

Lily sighed and ran her hands through her hair, starting to walk again. "I just, I don't know. I think after I see Remus, James and Sirius I'll be better." Sol grabbed Lily's hand and held onto it tight, sending her a reassuring smile.

When they finally reached the doors to the Hospital Wing, Dumbledore opened the door for them and let the two girls go through. "I'll be back in a half hour to take the both of you back to the Gryffindor common room." The Headmaster nodded his head as he closed the door.

"Hello, girls, I assume you're here to see Sirius, James, and Remus?" a voice said from behind them. Lily turned slowly to see Madame Monte standing slightly away from them, her hands folded in front of her. Sol nodded and Lily did the same, in a slight daze. "Right this way, girls. They're fine, just resting, they'll be out tomorrow. This is simply a precautionary thing."

Madame Monte led the two girls towards the back of the Hospital Wing where three beds were set up, all pulled so the heads of them were forming a triangle at the center. At the moment, the three boys were sitting up, facing each other and speaking in hushed tones. "Boys, you have visitors," Madame Monte said, interrupting them. All three heads whipped up and she walked quietly away, for once not giving them an allotted time to visit.

"Lily!" James exclaimed and rushed to her, taking her into his arms and holding her tight. "Oh, Lily, I was so scared for you... So scared... I thought – I thought he was going to –"James held her closer and breathed in her scent. Merlin, she was just so beautiful. He felt her arms come tentatively around him until she was holding him close, until she was the one looking for support.

"James.. I – She's gone, James," Lily managed to sob out. "Gone. It's not right, it's not fair..."

"I know, love," James said soothingly in her ear. He easily picked her up and sat on his bed with her in his lap. "We know."

"She can't be gone, she can't, she's not allowed to," Lily said, stumbling over her words at the rush to get them out. "We were going to grow old together, our kids were going to be best friends. She planned on marrying Sirius and they were going to have lovely babies, and she was going to work for St. Mungo's and help people... IT'S NOT FAIR!"

Lily clung to James and sobbed into his shirt while he rocked her gently. Behind them, Sol sat next to Remus on his bed and watched the two. Sirius, alone on his bed, stared out the window, his face pale and drawn. And cold. He bunched his hands into fists beneath the blanket and clenched his jaw. _I will never love again_ he told himself and held back the tears. "Never again..." he whispered aloud.

"It's okay to cry, you know," Remus said gently to his friend, who looked over at him with surprise. "You can show that you're hurt, we know. We lost her, too, Sirius. But you – you must be hurting the worst." Sirius just shook his head and looked back out the window. Remus sighed quietly and got up to sit next to Sirius. "You loved her. We loved her. But you loved her most. It's okay to let go every once in awhile, Sirius. It's okay."

Under his friend's softly sympathetic gaze, Sirius felt the tears he had been holding back to finally begin to fall down his cheeks. "Merlin, Remmy," Sirius said and rest his head on Remus's shoulder, "Lily's right. It's not fair. She had so much going for her. We were going to get married. I was going to be an Auror. She was going to work at St. Mungo's. We were going to make this _work_."

Remus, touched by the old nickname and gesture, put his arm around Sirius's shoulders and rest his head lightly on his. "I know, Padfoot. I could tell you guys really loved each other. But, you know, that love isn't gone. You still love her, and you always will. Just remember, she loved you forever."

Sirius lifted his head and looked at Remus sharply. "How is it that you always know exactly what to say?" he asked as he wiped tears off his face.

Remus smirked, trying to lift the mood. "I can read minds. I know what you're saying ahead of time. That way I can always plan what I'm going to say ahead of time."

Sirius chuckled a little and shook his head. "You know, Remus, if I were gay, I would have fallen in love with you a long time ago."

Remus snorted with laughter and looked over and Lily and James. "Come on, lover-boy, I think James needs help over there with Lily. I think his shirt is soaked all the way through."

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"Another year ends, but not without it's joys and it's tears," Dumbledore said to start his speech at the end of the year feast. It was a little over one month after Cassandra was murdered, and no one had forgotten. The usual chatter in the Great Hall was lower than a murmur and where the winning house color's usually hung, black drapes covered the walls and floated from the ceiling. "Although this is a time to celebrate a year completed, this is also a time to mourn. One of our very own, Cassandra Weeks, was killed on these very grounds by a cold hearted murderer we know as Voldemort." At his name, people whispered to each other, amazed that the rumors that had been going around school were true. Voldemort had come to Hogwarts.

"We who knew her, will always remember Cassandra as someone full of life, full of love, and full of hope." The Headmaster cast his eyes around the room, stopping for a minute at a spot at the Gryffindor table. There was an empty spot in between Lily Evans and Sirius Black. I spot that Cassandra usually filled. As he looked on the faces of those two students, Dumbledore felt tears coming into his eyes. "Just as she still holds her spot at her table," he nodded to Lily and Sirius, "she will always hold a spot in our hearts. Remember Cassandra, remember her life."

With a regal nod, the plates on the tables filled with food. He saw a few tentative – or very hungry – students reach for some food and put it on their plates. Soon the rest of the students followed suit. Except two students with their hands folded on the table and an empty space between them.

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"Will you visit me over the summer?" James asked Lily as the stood at Platform 9 ¾, saying their goodbyes. They were facing each other and James held both of her hands in his. Somewhere after Cassandra died, the two had started going together, desperate to find that warmth.

"Of course, James," Lily said softly and kissed him gently on the lips. "Is Sirius going to be there?"

James nodded and pulled her close to him. "He said that he wanted to try to find a place of his own, but I don't think he'd be able to. Remus mentioned something about the two of them sharing a flat or something. Sirius'll be okay, Lily." He kissed her on the forehead. "He'll pull through, he always does."

"I know, James. It's just that – it's still not fair and I feel useless," Lily said for what felt like the thousandth time. "I wish there was something I could do for him."

James smiled softly at her. "You're doing it. Being there for him. That's what he needs right now, the support you're giving him. Don't worry, love. He won't be alone."

Lily nodded and kissed him again. "I really have to get going. Tell him I'll see him over the summer. I love you, James."

"I love you, too, Lily. Bye." With one last kiss and one last hug, James walked through the barrier, back into the real world.

"Lily," someone said softly behind her. She turned quickly around to see Sirius standing slightly behind her. "I didn't mean to scare you, I just wanted to wait until James was gone before I talked to you."

"It's okay, Sirius," she said gently. Lily seemed to find that she talked to Sirius in hushed tones since – since the day it happened. Sirius hadn't just been himself since then. He looked gaunt, his face drawn, as if he hadn't eaten. At least she had James to take care of her. Sirius... well, Sirius didn't really have anyone.

"Lily, I just wanted you to know..." Sirius sighed and ran his hands nervously through his hair, looking at the ground. "James really does love you. You're all he ever thinks about." Lily looked at him in surprise. Of all the things she imagined him saying, this wasn't one of them. "I just hope you appreciate him. You never kn – know when he's going to be taken away from you."

"Oh, Sirius..." she started to say, her voice ripe with sympathy, and took a tentative step towards him. Sirius just shook his head and looked up at her with tears falling down his face and storms in his eyes.

"He'll pay for this," he said vehemently, angrily, viciously. "Voldemort. He won't get away with this. I'll see that he pays for this."

Lily felt her own eyes start to fill with tears as she closed the distance between them and hugged him tightly. She felt his arms close around her and his tears fall on her shoulder. "He'll pay. Because he won't ever understand what it is to love like we do. We love her, Sirius, and we always will. And she'll always love us."

Sirius slowly lifted his head and smiled a little. "You're really perfect for James, you know." He stepped back and walked through the barrier, waving a little at her. Lily smiled softly and walked through after him.

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Author's Note: Okay, that's the fucking end. ::hits her head against the wall:: I know, not the best of endings. But it wasn't exactly the best of stories, either. But now it's over. ::tear:: Now I'll have time to work on my other stories that I have floating around. First on my list – the untitled one that I have posted on here. Not like that's anymore interesting. Enough about that! Thank you – all of you – for sticking in with me for this long. Thank you for your kind – and slightly unkind – reviews. I love you guys!! Even the people who were a little mean. I love you! And that's it. Sorry, no personal answer's here. Bye bye!!

Rachael


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